i write what i like, i like what i write.

2007-12-31T00:37:00.000+08:00

Defamatory is a serious offence.

I have defamed a number of people in my blog and as for this, i am making a public apology, for causing so much distress to those affected.

i would like to retract the statements i made and would like to clarify that they were all made witHout concrete foundation.

I am really sorry.

Wont be back anymore.

BYE.

2006-04-13T14:13:00.000+08:00

i dont know how things got really complicated.

MOVED.

maybe one day, i will return.
and to everyone out there, DEFAMATORY IS A SERIOUS OFFENCE.
trust me, all this sleepless nights and facing the authorities because of your poor management of your anger and your do as i like, because its mine attitude will only make your life a misery.

goodbye blogspot.

2006-04-12T05:43:00.000+08:00

ive decided.to go on hiatus for awhile. will be back, hopefully as a more kindly and loving person.

i actually talk so much shit in my blog.maybe abit too,you know, vulgar. alright, alright,SO VULGAR. and you all MUST KNOW that your blog is really public.so anyone can google your name and chance themselves upon your blog. so yes. tsk tsk, all this google advanced searchbar.bla bla bla. and we all tend to defame people. YOU CAN GET SUED FOR THAT PLS.

for those who are still carrying on and talking shit like i did and SMARTLY thought ''aiya,NOONE WILL READ LA.'' please, SAVE UP FOR LEGAL FEES.NOW.

so yes. ive got alot of homework to do. (alright i make myself busy with it.BLAH.) see ya all.

2006-04-10T21:30:00.000+08:00

heyy lovelies. im off to do my piling work. so this is a quickie update.

today was a generally nice day. even with PE in fact. just that i was so tired. and im really,really glad i completed the circuit training. let me giev you a rerun of MI training.

PFT.
-3 rounds around gym
-32589690 star jumps.
-crunches.
-burpees.

Circuit Training.
-Mountain Climbing 20
-Footdrill/Jumps 10?
-jump 2 legged on Hoops.
-jumping jacks 10?
-crawl and over benches 5-6?
-10 Star Jumps
-Sprints
-20 Skipping Ropes
-ONE ROUND AROUND THE SCHOOL WITH THE FUCKING MEDICINE BALLS.

So we did dis 6 times. 3 times is with medicine ball, the other three without.

KILLER MAN.KILLER. IM THE WOMAN.WOW.

then i met the BRATZIES.oh my god.

we are going camping. -jumps for joy.-
dixie, NO FRISBEE. i dont want to run!

YAY YAY YAY.

to hakim.
hakim my dearest hakim hakim hakim.
you are such a dearie, but you must not neglect your health.
no need meet me or go eat, when ure not well, its okayy.
and about soccer. we all have our fair share of disappointment.
i know how it feels, so closs yet so far, you feel like pulling your hair out.
its frustrating.but you must know, things happen for a reason.
and that no matter what, WE LOVE YOU HAIRKIM. hahaha.
dont say thank you to me for accompanying you please.
omg, we wud never forgive ourselves if anything shud happen to you.
at least accompanying you downstairs is the maximum i can do for you.
i hope you are sleeping fine and recuperating from the fucked up day.

to sylvia.
my FED-G. i love you. we will be like sisters forever.=).

alright end of quickie.
HOMEWORK IS PILING UP.

OMG.DIE. and RAYMOND. PLS STOP THINKING IM AHEAD PLEASE.urgh.

bye world.

ps: MEETING JANE VERY2 SOON.

2006-04-09T20:39:00.000+08:00

Everybody. Behold my superb INTELLECT. i ripped this off singapore airlines. -beams- so jane said the other time that its at night, and now she sayd she dunnoe. i will assume its at night. yes, i dunt care. its at night. though im going to tikam like the typical singaporean. will see all bratz tmr.

Chosen Flight Status

11th April 2006 - Tuesday

Flight Number	Departure From	Time	Arrival In	Time	Aircraft
SQ220	Sydney (SYD)	08:05	Singapore (SIN)	14:20	Boeing 747-400
SQ232	Sydney (SYD)	11:30	Singapore (SIN)	17:45	Boeing 747-400
SQ222	Sydney (SYD)	15:40	Singapore (SIN)	21:55	Boeing 747-400

xoxo

NADD.

2006-04-09T11:57:00.000+08:00

first of all, lets set the record straight.

I HATE "MONGOLIAN PRINCESS".

no, make it UGLY MONGOLIAN PRINCESS WANNABE.

i bet her dad's bangladeshi and her mum's malay.

wat a fucked up mix. kudos to zack'fed'b for pointing out to her that she was trying to act sexy and she is not pretty. to which she replied, " i never sayd i was pretty.'' RIGHT. you are trying so hard you shitbag. go to hell.ergh. dont even dream of getting in FED-G. youre utmost NOT welcome.

okayy, in off to do work.bye world.

2006-04-07T14:41:00.000+08:00

just got back from school. very early.i ditched tennis trials. i mean, i don't know, i guess i never mustered enough confidence actually,what more with people like shalini and dyan trying out. alright, maybe i shud stick to what that is more ME, like Malay Dance, because Mdm Rasiah said i have potential.and why did she say that? because of International Friendship Day Performance just now. ohmygod, so nice i tell you.

okayy,so this morning i took cab to school and Citycab wasnt being bitchy by making the population of cabs in my area today very sparse, so i got a cab almost immediately. i thought i was going to be late, but i was early.haha. and oh my god, MI in the morning is so darn deserted.like haunted house like that!ARGH. than sandra and cookies called me and fetch me.HOW NICE.haha, me the scaredy cat me. hahaha. oh yea then, we waited for kala, and we started wearing our tank tops. time check: 6.40.

so applied the essential; powders, blusher, glitter, gloss, eyeliner, mascara. haha, so ended up looking nice la. hahaha, DUH. praise the wonders of make up=). and EVERYBODY SHOULD TRY FABULASH by Revlon. omg, its affordable and it makes ur lashes so long! okayy back to it, was so damn nervous. we were all wearing flowers at the side of our heads. and when we went in the auditorium, heads turn. hahaha, maybe we were abit over the top but, love it anyway. FED-B were like whispering2.haha. damn la. den after nat anthem, we went backstage. where we went nervous over the Javanese Dance.

alot of hassle and all that. hahaha, then 06B2's turn. went out with sylvia and THEN,when i was picking the mic up, OH MY GOD, THE APPLAUSE,-smiles like an idiot-. NYEHEHE. and i began talking like an amateur indonesian. rubbish,RUBBISH i swear!

''Selamat Siang Anak-Anak Institusi Millenia... TARIAN JAWA!''

hahaha, then the music started we danced. ohmygosh everybody was snapping their cameras off and paying close attention. haha, so nice. everybody wasnt bored you know! like they like ours.heh. sense of accomplishement ran through my head,as i thought to myself, ''hey,this people here know you can do it, so lets show em.'' shirin noted that i dance better than the rest.NAH.i think everyone did their best! and we stopped accordign to timing. im so proud of all the dancers.URGH.-hugs everyone- then, we continued with our presentation. and it was funny cos i was teaching the school basic indonesian.(EHEMP.) hahaha.

so i said sth like, ''if you still dont understand, say, 'SAYA NGGA MENGERTI.' " to which everybody said, and i went like, ''OH GOOD LA,SO NOW NOONE UNDERSTANDS.'' haha,cracked up on stage. so thats all we had for that. haha, the aftermath was funny.

teachers commented,

BL: very nice.well done, you all very good!
mrs koh,econs: wah,that one choreographed by nad ryt?
mdm rasiah: are you indonesian?that was nice.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. oh my god.

the Fexy&Foxy Corp are like on track now.thats hot. our market value has increased significantly! yay, diana, we redeemed ourselves!so we are no longer the so called, shortskirt ppl. im feeling very much happier now.

and the RATS omg, the ratty girls hate us more than ever. i dont know, maybe we are alil bit too much in the limelight. i like=). especially when in the past, im always pushed OUT of the limelight and made to feel like a complete JOKE OF THE CENTURY. i remembered beign ratty, but now, well, im a FED-G. and the more you hate me, the higher my market value, so yes, contine hating cos it aint gonna make you special anyway.

and THE QUEEN OF RATS cried today. oh my goodness,shut up! and whats with gossiping and making disgusted faces during our performance? how do you spell jealous? R-A-T-T-Y. sheesh. and quit staring at us, we did not do anything wrong damn it. please la, pull ur act together, ure like held back a year. so please instead of hating on us, pls focus on your studies and dont worry about me. sheesh.i hate rats.do you?:)

and jane, DONT NEED MY SERVICES? haha, you just ask me for monday! okayy, i shall wake you up sayang:)). lalala.faster come back, ive got loads to blabber abt to you, MY BLABBERING BIN,love you!

and oh,zack suggests the intergration of FED-G and FED-B. YES. i agree. we shud be more bonded as federations of different sexes. haha. i bet the fuckenshit has other ulterior motives, well, we'll see huh. haha. oh wells. FED-G (me,leen and diana) cawhore during class just now, yay, so i shall post them up later. love it! haha, and i'll get the pics from heider soon.:))).

ahh. i simply am loving life. and im coping well. yess.

Millenia Institute, was not a mistake made:).

xoxo
NADD.

2006-04-05T05:06:00.000+08:00

okayy,ive decided not to do PE today. my legs, hurt like crap. LIKE CRAP.so no way, i would rather do weights today. or some cardio workout.bluhh.woke up at 3 and i cannot sleep.so im like downloading songs now. so to date, i hav about a hundred songs. and only 400 mb is used. dats not funny la. now where did my other 100 songs go? i seem to be unable to recall the ones i frequent before the devasting attack on my Prev Ipod.

oh yes, WAKE JANE UP. soon soon. bluhh. i feel so bluhh. we cannot define PMS in a mood. its sort of in a tumble. i dont even know what im feeling right now. something along the lines of listless is close enough i guess. i will have to iron my clothes in 5 mins. and look for my School Collar Pin soon. where the heck did it go?

should i bring racket today? problem is i have no tennis ball. shit. NOT FUNNy ok. where is it? argh. okayy im lazy to like brg it. i heard today we are going toh tuck for the House Intergration Shit. okayy i dont like it. its going to be hott and sweaty at toh tuck. no no no. i want to go home and dive my nose in the duvet in hopes that tomorrow passes very2 quickly.BUT.if we go toh tuck, we can borrow a tennis ball to play. I DONT MIND...eyy.

and today got the IFD, international friendship day rehearsal. bluhh. its at 1.30. at least the periods today are happy periods. its like IRP, GP PE Break MT HTP. yay. yay. i feel funny. okayy, emphasis on the PMS today.

rolls eyes.
shuttup okayy.

ahh, mr lookalike is so darn fine. how come i dunt know his name. sadly enough, he is not a FED-B. so i have to scrounge around campus and whisper ''watzizname?'' to anyone near him. imagine if the FED-B knows. -chokes and dies-.oh yes, FED G defined the federation.hilarious,i tell you.

Mission of Federation: To Be The Best Federation Around Across Both Campuses.

Vision: To Be a Bunch of Confident Beautiful and Classy girls around.

Code of Conduct:(theres so many i put two i like.)
-GIGGLE, when you see a FED-B
-FLICK YOUR HAIR at a RAT.

theres actually alot of other chicflic things we included.but these are the ones i like. (you dont like,you shuddup.)

okayy i better go before i start spewing nonsense again.
ok shuttup.

argh.im really PMSING.

xoxo
Nadd

2006-04-04T21:45:00.000+08:00

...my baby you, are the reason i could fly, and 'cause of you i don't have to wonder why, baby you there's no more just getting by, you're the reason i feel so alive ...

done with the JAVANESE extract BALINESE dance. oh gosh. a huge burden has been lifted off, thanks to kala. i make the steps, but she organized them. thank goodness for her. if not i would still be a worrywart. and omg, im having it right now. so if i seem so bitchy to you, ahh, you know why. hormones are such funny things. they can make you feel like the lamest shit in the world.

i suddenly have a block. a writer's block.i dont know what else to say.bleah.right whatever.

oh yes, i better go to sleep soon, ive got to wake Jane up for her exam tomorrow. its ONLY maths you know, its EASIER than olevels.now I WONDER why i got a c6. my conclusion? Jane is smart fullstop. anyway, waking her tmr while im still fumbling away with my socks or maybe i am still spraying GUCCI all over at that time.haha.

so right, i hafta wake her up at 6.dont you find it platonic that we are actually in two separate continents, but i am waking her up. i am proud to be a SINGAPOREAN ALARM CLOCK. woOO. yea and its HER exam we are talking about, so its no joke yea, i must wake her up. she must do well for this, so she comes back to sg with a clear mind. yay.

talking about two separate continents, WHO SAY LONG DISTANCE FRIENDSHIP impossible? backside la you. GOT so many phonecards and so many handphones, whats so hard? i practically dont miss her at all, because its like almost everymonth we are like talking to each other. so it feels like, shes so close, so i dutn give a heck.

alright, MI uni calling me to wash her. (yes my uni is a HER do you have a prob with it?) hmm, i better go, but i leave you with a poem i got in gp class just now. i relate to it very much as it somehow depicts the social aspect of my life in secondary school.there you go..

Exposure, Seamus Heany

If I could come on meteorite!
Instead, I walk through damp leaves,
Husks, the spent flukes of autumn,

Imagining a hero
On some muddy compound,
His gift like a slingstone
Whirled for the desperate.

How did I end up like this?
I often think of my friends'
Beautiful prismatic counselling
And the anvil brains of some who hates me

As I sit weighing and weighing
My responsible tristia.
For what? For the ear? For the people?
For what is said behind-backs?

Rain comes down through the alders,
Its low conducive voices
Mutter about let-downs and erosions
And yet each drop recalls

The diamond absolutes.I
am neither internee nor informer;
An inner émigré, a grown long-haired
And thoughtful; a wood-kerne

Escaped from the massacre,
Taking protective colouring
From bole and bark, feeling
Every wind that blows;Who, blowing up these sparks
For their meagre heat, have missed
The once in a lifetime portent,
The comet's pulsing rose.(from North)

xoxo
Nadd

2006-04-03T21:30:00.000+08:00

alright. i did not contribute to the proposal for the carnival.i apologise to all arts liaison for not staying back. sorry sorry sorry. your vice chair is being a dumdum as usual. but she will try her best to assist you in whatever way she can. and we can all have a sucessful carnival.love it=). sorry sorry again.

PE. was hell redefined. it was tiredness to the max. we had circuit training today. oh god. and PFT. seriously, i feel that ive lost 350grams from my earlobes. and i died like 10 times today.teehee.

mondays are loves, despite Millenia's gruelling Physical Education. thats because, on mondays, right after i finish that gruelling thing we do.. i will meet the bratz girls. so heres a shout out to all, because im like busy and tired.

Hakim,

i wish you wudent be so intimidated.haha, im like that. i dont like it when people get the upperhand. ive always gotten that. and thats why im always on the defensive you see. but the truth is, i have my fair share of insecurities, going through what you call this teenage thing.yea. so im simply nothing to be afraid of. we are afterall bratz, and i assure you, anything bad i say, i dont mean it. i dont hurt my fellow bratty counterparts, thats for sure. so yea hakim, as the newest member of bratz, i have full confidence that we will remain friends,for life. there aint no other like you dude=).

Melly,

dont bother about cheapster fucks. they aint worth ur two cents sayang. remember that im always here. whenever. seriously, we can just forget abt not being friends. haha,that is not happening. i love you darling. and i thank you, for all precious memories. although i may seem bitch yto you at times, at the end of the day, i love you babe.

Dixie,

you are the funny brat. i love you because you like to action suspense.haha, thanks for being a laughing and gossip partner.loves.

Val,

val oh val, practice what you preach. have confidence in yourself. i never had it val, until you came along and told me i could do it. you could do it too. youre the sensible good one, and i envy you for it. stay sweet val, you know i love you=).

Wanyun,

ahh, ms bikini. you know how hott you are, and i dont have to tell it to you. thats what being a bratz is all about. you are the humour at times, and the only one who defies my sarcasm. i especially love you also, despite stupid times we had together. all the cycling and all that. gosh, i miss you babe, lets meet for BBQ soon.yay.loves wanyun.haha.

Jane,

you ms LIARSTER, is THE LOVE of MY LIFE. hahaha. thats mainly because you held my hand when i went through so much shit. and im glad after all this while, you never let go. thats what being a friend is all about. i cherish you alot. although distance may maim us physically, but you'll always be so close in my head. all the fun phone times together, gosh. i cant wait for you to come back. lets play tennis bitch!=)

ahh. thank you god for blessing me with such great friends. although most are of no same race and religion as me, you showed me you made us all equal, we can possesed all the great qualities we need to stay together as friends. and for that, i thank You for it. i live in your greatness, God.

and may all of you have sweet dreams today. this is short, but sweet (i say its sweet means it is okayy?) and yea, have a great night. LOVE IT.

xoxo
Nadd
ChairGirl for Bratz.

2006-04-02T11:57:00.000+08:00

momentarily, i feel useless. bleah.so much work to do. so little time.

2006-04-02T08:17:00.000+08:00

Nadd woke up at 7.30 today. SHE HAS GIVEN UP THE PIG LIFESTYLE. (okayy she lied, she wanted to do her econs and maths hw.annoying.and dl more songs on her POD.) haha. okayy, so RISE AND SHINE everyone! love it,dont you? haha. oh wells. ive got so many things to do, and im still stucked at the computer. haha, blame it on the esctaticness of getting a new ipod.okayy, once again, lets make it clear that, ACCUMULATING IS BAD.

i shall do my econs hw after this i promise.lets see my agenda for today.

9.00-9.30 Treadmill(haha).
9.30-10.00 Bathe (yea, i havent bathe)
10.00-12.00 DO HOMEWORK(YES YES)

so plus minus in between (for my procrastination), i'll probably get this done by 3.00pm. hahaha. alright, whatever. and ive got dancesteps to choreograph for, (!!!) haha, alright whatever.

okayy, i actually feel a tad bitchy.
and its supposed to be a happy day.
yea whatever,maybe the agenda made me bitchy.
yea whatever.

zack made a move again towards diana. haha. strategy huh diana? haha, thats funny. lalala. and ive got a new stereo that goes BOOM BOOM BOOM. made me a tad dizzy.heh.

oh wells, loving it.

and much love goes to you.

2006-04-01T21:54:00.000+08:00

IVE GOT A REPLACEMENT FOR MY IPOD NANO.

everybody. screaaaammmm.
love it. what more can i say, having a dinosaur for a dad has its advantages afterall.
i sent in my ipod for repair like 4 days ago. and my dad got an sms yesterday,

''dear valued customer (haha), your item under servicing is ready for collection. warmest greetings, Apple.''

i like it, i like it, do you like it? haha. i like APPLE. they gave me a brand new nano, and now, i am not depressed anymore, WANYUN. ''everything oso cry!'' shuttup ehh, bitch.

but now, i have to go and dl all the songs again. how annoyingly annoying.BUT at least ive got the pod back.

BYE to...

-BORING TRAIN RIDES and BUS RIDES
-BORING FREE PERIODS
-BEING GREEN EYED AT ALL PEOPLE WITH CUTE NANOS.
-BEING DEPRESSED AT THE PROSPECT OF WASTING 420 BUCKS.
-SHARING IPOD WITH DIANA

haha, you cannot imagine how happy i am. and today wan tried to trick me. no,we dident get a replacement afterall. BACKSIDE LUHH YOU. haha.APRIL FOOL EHH!

anyway im depressed now. i think im pregnant.

APRIL FOOLS!!!
ok not funny, I KNOW OKAYY,I KNOW.haha.

2006-04-01T12:38:00.000+08:00

looking at the Aibi Treadmill(gym) , gives me a new lease on life. haha, i am more determined than ever to lose my extra flabs. hello smaller thighs, BYE THUNDERTHIGHS!!! and Prince rackets, are loves. haha. okayy, ive been thinking abt it, if i dont get into the school team, i will just play tennis for the funn of it. and if i dont get in the school team, i will most likely have to move to another cca, and that would be Touch Rugby, or maybe ahh, BADMINTON (although i dislike it like whattt.) but,let it be known, i still have a strong inclination for tennis. this is the only sport i lovelovelove=).

okayys. another member of the family has POX. omfg. im probably next.=\ okayy, lets get it done and over with. but NOOOOOOO i cannot afford to miss lessons, for 10 freakin days.GOSH.help. topscorers arent suppose to miss school. and with people like jonathan around, i am convinced than ever that i need to put in extra2 effort.

haha, sandra we should put ConstructiveComments for jonnie too. hahaha. alright this is strictly between us only. haha. LOL. oh wells.i am so excited for jane to come back. love it.heh. when she comes back, lets play tennis, girl. and im gg to rant to her. haha.

shoot. ive still got dance steps to choreograph. and my guitar lessons are put on hold. sobs. i am so annoyed. anyone wanna play tennis with me?=P.yay yay.

okaay i better go. ive got loads of work to do, and i still remember that ACCUMULATING IS BAD for HEALTH.

A SHOUTOUT TO FED-G, thats hot, love it.haha.

2006-03-31T17:15:00.000+08:00

fuckenshit. cos theres such a great influx of tennis players, they do not have a recreational club, and theres only the school team. thats a whole lot of shit okayy. so meaning there is another cut for it, next week. and i swear im fucken intimidated. so many good players. i will obviously have to move to another cca. and i dont picture myself getting picked. JUST LOOK AT ME ON TRACKS. oh gosh, i died 6 times during 6 rounds. hahaha. Coach says to come back for trial. so i am going to train like what tmr, with diana and shirin. I AM SO ANNOYED, i swear.

we are only year ones what, and considering im sucha NOOB (hah! i know whats a NOOB, i know okayy!), i played quite well, so did diana. today we ran all over the court, cos coach keep serving the balls all over. haha. Coach is nice. heh.omg, tennis!argh.

besides that today is such a happy2 day. lalala. except for a few downfalls. haha, i am okayy. all 06b2 people, dont worry, i am okayy. just that the workload is all on me, and i dont handle pressure well. powerpoint slides, script, music, dancestep, thats ALOT. so ya, i am annoyed just now, but thats okayy, because now i cannot be bothered. thanks to shirin and diana for tolerating my nonsense today. when i fell at the bridge, it was sucha classic friendship moment! i love all of youu.=)) my school-going people for the next 3 years.heh.

FED-G, you girls are like so funny. i adore leen and akidah like alot2. haha. FED-B, specifically Zack, right whatever, BYE.hahaha. oh gosh, i hope i end up same class as Diana next year. hehe, we are such bodoh people in school you just cannot imagine.haha, acting ditzy is fun. and gg to the toilet every period is funner. and imitating teachers is fun.

i can imitate Chris Lee,GP lecturer, haha, love it. been confiding in diana lately and lets just say, its unfair for me.

SHE,
-commit several offences
-failing grades
-got retained
-cost you to worry
-ran away from home
-retained again
-transfer out

but she glides in all so well, no problem.

whereas

I,
-commited an offence.
-was an anti-social freak
-emotional blockhead
-failing grades, but tries hard.
-went ahead to get 17 points for olevels from a 37 r5 for prelims.
-chose, i repeat, CHOSE to be in Millenia

in other ways, i dont think im that wrong to say, i put in more effort to change myself.
but yet, haha. its funny la. now i think its something to do with superficial ideas. haha.

what the heck, im in MILLENIA, love it.

and to all the dumbfucks tagging my board, let it be known it is not impossible for me to track you down,

anonymouses,
passerbyers
me1s and me2s and so on and so forth...

i can track down ur IP addresses okayy. so pls stop acting like a dumbfuck. i hate it.
assholes.
and i saw shanaz today at TOH TUCK. missed you DD.hahaha.

and i am going to do my ECONS HW. love it. heh. oh wells. i am definitely in love with life now. what can be better. wonderful. i dont feel rejected.

JANES COMING BACK,IN 12 DAYS.

BESTIE, I LOVE YOU!
and shes making me play minesweeper with her again.bullshit.hahaha.
i miss you sayang=).lalalala.ok dahh.OFF.

ps: did i say i wanna do econs hw? okayy, i take that back. haha.

2006-03-29T16:51:00.000+08:00

lets just say i died six times on track today. clocked in the slowest possible. gosh, i have absolutely no more stamina. THIS CANNOT BE. okayy, reality check, its actually true man. okayy, i have to start training. ERGH. you absolutely cannot imagine how demoralised i felt. but anyway, this is no time to become all reactive(heh), i shall become PROACTIVE. now that i can gauge the distance for 2.4km. haha. oh my god. haha, pe in mi is not that bad at all, if youre like me, wanting to lose a whole lot of weight, go MI. its the best place to do it. know why? cos we are built on a slope, therefore when you go uphill, WOW, tired you know. confirm lose ALOT of weight. heh.

anyway, i knew i would get thru the day. because school demands my attention, and i love everything about MI. of course i thought it was a shithole la, initially but its really great!

especially with FED-G around. oh well, i learnt a lesson, never laugh at a FED-B because they will laugh at you for the rest of your life. haha.but who cares la ryt. the culture of Millenia is good. meaning, i dont get weird vibes. and i like what i do. yea man. although the work is abit demanding but thats always the case when people dont help. ergh. annoyed.nvm , i shall keep it to myself. because i know, its no use fretting over it. and KARMA will get back to her.

anyway, WANYUN IS FREAKY. she reads my blog sneakyly. and den GULP. she says ''I KNOW.'' and proceed to tell me what a crybaby i am. you and your RUBBERBAND GANG. HEH. what kinda clique name is that? haha.wtf wtf.

and the whole class is bitchin about noorie!OMG, suddenly i feel a tad bad for the girl. i mean yea i dont like her and stuff, and i thought its only me la. gosh. Noorie shud learn that self-expression has its boundaries man. one day you can see her cleavage, the other, shes wearing a cap, singing fucked up NSYNC songs. HAHAHAHA. what the fuck.

anyway my ipod has been sent for repair. BLUHH. i feel down man.(NO WY, i am NOT crying.) haha. bitch. o wells. i have to go and clean up, then do my piling work.nyehehe. i got econs gp and hist hw. cant wait to get it over and doen with. accumulating work is not good. ergh. shall go now.

but before that,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MASTURA!

may you have a happy2 17th year. I LOVE YOU MAS. pls wound down the window every morning to wave at me=).

ey btw, Mdm Rasiah's gonna make me and diana do some thing on friday. we are scared! what if we screw up in front of FED-B. we die. ergh.haha. anyway we are the only two taking HML. DIE. haha. and i betchum our skills are way better. as in we are more proficient.

oh oh OH.

i have to study as hard as jonathan. he came in with 22,r5. no okayy, NO. i am not returnign that Sloman economics book anytime soon. I AM THE TOP SCORER OF MILLENIA REMEMBER, JANE?

haha, talking abt you, i miss you bitch.LOVES=)).

2006-03-27T22:28:00.000+08:00

i had a bad night yesterday. and i am not in the mood to talk about it now. so lets blog about the happier things today.haha, well, the day started off awfully man. ANNOYING. i was late. no cab wanted to take me. so i was drenched and wet. ergh. and i cried for 45 mins ( yea im a waterspout, why?got problem?) haha, in the end got a cab at 7.15.WOW. i waited for 45 mins. it was frustrating. anyway, the rest of the day basically fell into place.

although periods were damn dry, but its okayy i guess. PE was PURE TORTURE. haha, i would have to go for training everyday except friday.wow. if i am not fit by this year,haha, lets not complete the sentence.HAHA.

nevermind im going to do trg with Melissa and Kala. haha.YAY. training would be damn fun with dem. and tennis, with emily, leen and diana! haha, LOVES. speaking about them, we shorten the federation.

for the girls, we are FED-Girls.
for the guys, they are FED-Boys.

how cool is the name man?haha. VERY.
i love FED-Girls .omg. we are on a shopping spree in JUNE.heh. happyness with FED-Girls.

and i met my bratz girls.OH MY GOD. i was so excited. so so excited. and when i met them, ergh.. LOVE!

melly xiexie and val, i love al lof you so damn much.

and OH OH OH, we have a new member of Bratz, HAKIM.
haha, he is so damn nice la. and i gave him a hard time, till he threaten me with his sharp fork.haha. but oh well, was so damn moved? eh? haha, he was moved to tears. well, worthy of a bratz membership. welcome to bratz=).

agenda was covered. will meet them to go wheelock soon. i hafta go now. homework is piling. and my INDONESIAN PROJECT.ergh. help jane, HELP.hahha.

BYE.loves.

2006-03-26T12:13:00.000+08:00

i have left yet another federation that was founded in TKGS.
Yes, you guessed it right.

i have left, The United Nations.
Though its not official, I am making it official.

I had no intention of leaving actually. but when jirah just talked to me, it was the last straw.
it was the last straw, although i am well aware of her good intentions.

the convo went along the lines of, '' i am sorry abt ytd, i dont know what to do to make it better, i am having problems myself, but that aside, im in a dilemma,i dont know how to help you,some cannot tolerate your presence, i dont liek to see my friends broken apart, i dunt know what to say,its all up to you.''

too much for me to stomach,lets make this a thought process.

'' i am sorry abt ytd.''
-i know you are, i am sorry too. sorry for myself. sorry for nothing.

''i dont know what to do to make it better,''
- B-U-R-D-E-N. yea, the phrase spells burden. i KNOW it.

''i am having problems myself,but that aside i am in a dilemma.''
-i tried very hard to make it better, but that aside, i can't blame them either. yea, true. i understand dis sentence perfectly.

''i don't know how to help you,''
-if theres something i have left, after being humiliated and treated like that, i still have pride. I dont need the help. Sorry, help yourselves.

''some cannot tolerate your presence.''
-no prize for guessing yea.

'' i dont like to see my friends broken apart,''
-HOHO, i am broken, yea,very much i am. and how did you know?

''i dont know what to say, its all up to you.''
-this is THE sentence, that decides everything. now its all up to me, countless times, it has always been up to me.
haha,so much for caring, so much to ask, so much im crying, i knew it wouldnt last.

it would be definitely very interesting, to hear where is the root of the problem, because if you asked me, it lies within the company i kept during the 2nd half of the sec 4 year.

and they keep doing their own stuff, and they didnt know i had my fair of shit, like my dad's affair, i bet they DONT KNOW , and DONT CARE , and also my studies were seriously in trouble. like, TROUBLE with the Cap T.

i am bitter. i am seriously bitter abt this. i cannot be expected to hang on and keep up with all of you. because i cant. my brothers need me, and my report card is flashing ITE.and Jane and co, proves to be concerned over academics. and i seek help from them. hence the drastic change in l1r5.

not that i dident want to ask for help from you all, not that you are NOT capable, but simple because, nobody would care. who cares ryt? NADD IS BAD BAD COMPANY. and she hangs around with the wrong people. REALLY WHAT.

and WHY THE HECK SIMONE EVEN BOTHERED TO HANG AROUND WITH ME? haha, it was solely academics! now you know dont you? my sexuality is complicated, and it was a phase i went through, BUT, that doesnt make me a FREAK.

haha,oh i vividly remembered asking one of you,
''EY THE SOCIAL STUDIES RYT.lalalala...''

the answer i got,
''MACAM GITU LA.-rolling eyes.-''

or another answer,
''ENTAH,aku pon tak tahu.''

or the simplest one,
''HAH?KAU JGN TANYE AKU.''

or even simpler,
''HUH?aper kau bobal?''

CORRECT WHAT.EVERYTIME I ASK SOMETHING, ITS ALWAYS TOO STUPID TO ENTERTAIN. DO YOU BLAME ME NOW FOR DRIFTING? DO YOU?

haha, i realised my absence is a factor. i know. i know i was bound to drift, what to do i cannot cope what, i cannot keep up academically, you want me to keep up socially? bad enough everybody thinks so LOWLY of me.

and that was brought upon by myself.i know, I KNOW. so i had to seat down and do work. what do you expect? i am in a dilemma too.

i even remember asking a question in the UN BLOG.
'' where are you all nowadays? i dont see you guys anymore? anybody, explain?''

as usual, nobody explained. it was left at that.AT THAT.

haha,so what am i to do?

and i know i am classified as,

''weird, outcasted, glutton(ALWAYS.and i cannot help it. i like to eat),''

so yes, NOW, i am going to be as WEIRD as you want me to be, and i wont be outcasted anymore because i withdrew, and im GOING TO EAT AS MUCH AS I LIKE, and nobody tells me I EAT TOO MUCH AND TOO QUICKLY.

or as a matter of fact, i am NO LONGER AFRICA.
I NO LONGER CELEBRATE HOMOWO JUST FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT.

oh im dark huh? YEA.so dark. i like it that way, god made me that way. so be it.

and as painful as it is, it hurts to think i, once upon a time, had a good rapport with all of you, and a good healthy friendship. but im tired, so please excuse me.

Alevels .(another one to prove myself worthy of intellectual status)
Millenia Institute. (a commitment to the so called LOWLY institute.)

so from the bottom of my heart, i apologised very fondly, to people whom i loved and cherished so much,

-Jirah
-Saihah
-Amira
-Atiqah
-Rafiqqa
-Sahuria
-Siti

i hope i left with no regrets.
i hope, yea i do.

but i do know one thing.

i left with a cut so raw, it was the purest of pain.

thank you.

''we were dancing,so lightly on our feets,
and we dident care, never did,
but now im leaving, and youre dancing,
you dident care, never did.''

take good care of yourselfs yea, and im off now, to do admin stuff on the UN blog=).
i would also suggest a change in template.
and my template, the contents need changes too.

whoever said friendships were made to last, obviously was talking BULL.

BOLLOCKS!

ps: any responses to this, pls be especially kind and dont put it on the tagboard. it is highly explosive to put it there. i want it to be a clean breakaway.thanks. haloscan comments to the rescue!

and also, if youre a UN member reading this, pls dont PM me on msn regarding this, rest assured i wont reply. haha, i doubt anyone wants to say anything but just in case, drop me a a mail instead. dydy_89gemini@hotmail.com. thanks.

2006-03-26T09:17:00.000+08:00

am here to blog early. i actually got tonnes of homework to do later. plus with pa bringing me to buy the calculator and to wheelock's place for iPod, i dont really know how am i going to manage. certainly aint looking forward to tomorrow. Ramming session on the tracks. when i havent train for like what? 6 months? DAMN. thats half a year, not exactly very comforting. so i bet i am the only slow tortoise on the track and i can look forward to going for run's during my lunchtime. hey, i think its a good thing nonetheless, i mean, i've been waiting forever to lose weight. hahaha, because like Aslan said, ''you will never excercise on your own.'' and its true. i'll end up running A round and for the rest of the time, i will sit down at the fitness station trying to somewhat make myself feel that i have actually excercised. haha. what the heck.

haha, jane messaged yesterday. HELLO BESTIE! -waves madly- you see, its been rather long since i talked to her. thats because shes been having tonnes and tonnes of homework & project work too. haha, YAY, at least shes not scooting around like she was when she first got in UNSW. quoted, '' AHH. school starts at 11!!'' and in response to that i will be like, '' EEE.SO BITCHY.11!! tis is unacceptable!blearghh. *inserts profanity here* "

EHEH.i miss her laa. countless times i will be telling her to eat shit and vomit blood, but haha, i don't mean it. heh. and i bet my whole life she felt guilty for saying ''COOL'' to my ran over nano. cos she enquired on it. BUT only to proceed to tell me its my whole damn fault. stop it ehh.BITCH. so when it comes to conversations, we have a knack of bitchin back to each other.

OH OH OH, she is coming back really2 soon. so as a BESTIE, i shall be a complete angel, by not disturbing her for 2 weeks, so she can do her stupid exams and PWs in peace and come SG with a clear mind. Jane is definitely THE LOVE. and as usual , when msgin she will,

1. fall asleep (sleep on me lar, BITCH.)
2. then she will accidentally open up ur msg and then she wont know you even msged.
3.will not pick up your call. ( it takes a BOMB to wake jane up from sleep. and i dont even know if a bomb is enough. )

haha, so yes, this are the things you need to look out for when msgin her. or you will feel so crestfallen and frustrated and will resort to tearing your hair out as to WHY OH WHY SHE NEVER REPLY. hahaha.

okayy, i need to sleep again apparently.ahaha. and oh, to MY DEAR MELLY, that BOY is a bastard. tell him to go to hell, and suck his toes till they wither and DIE. eat shit & vomit blood la. anyway theres lots out there, so just take your time, and tick your pick (WTF.) hahaha.

and OH OH OH,

SIMONE!! i am like so sorry i dint get back to you, even though i said BE RIGHT BACK. heh, apparently i dident have a chance, my dad was hogging the comp.haha, oh wells. that is a different story all together.=/

SEE ALL BRATZ SOON. i shall like bug WANYUN when shes playing and we can all come down to watch. YAY. and we still have things on the agenda, UNDONE.hmpf.

and a shoutout to the BITCHSTERS at The SoYouThinkYouCanFlirt Federation (girls), i am missing all of you already! yay, we shall like tell the boys we gave them a federation soon. heh.

lastly, Millenia Institute, no matter how much its ceilings tend to leak when it rains, and how the mosquitoes bites when its really hot,this is the place which is going to give me the time of my life!

ahh. Institusi Millenia.=) got to go cut some slack.BYE ALL.

2006-03-25T18:28:00.000+08:00

heyhey.just came back from Gema Puisi Artistik 2006. Oh wells, was flooded with alot of memories. priceless i tell you.well,lets start from the top.

was suppose to go to school for some shit nonsense, but NO, i fell asleep, and i only woke up at, 11? by that time, i charged my phone and i saw a message from jirah, meet at 11.20. that is absolutely abrupt i tell you. was feeling SO ANNOYED.ahh, nonetheless, still went ahead and bathe. although at some point in time, i was so tempted to call najib and tell him, NO, im not going already. bluhh.

so apparently i freaked out and got lost. dropped off somewhere, near NYJ but not too near. hailed a taxi and the fucken sonofabitch driver simply DO NOT KNOW how to drive. HELLO. who is the one with the licence here?? oh wells, called raf alot of time and i know, she was annoyed because she passed the phone to rina? correct me if im wrong. sorry then.

when i reached, i called najib. EY I AT NYJC ALREADY.cepat. oh yes, saw atiqah and amira today. hmm, okayy i miss them.but thats about it, najib came out and i went in. i specifically told them to reserve a seat for me. i mean. its not as if i am not part of them man. but when i went to jirah's row, sorry,the seat is for saihah, im okayy with it, i mean,saihah is prolly the most neutral person on earth.haha. went to fizah's and amel row (by this time, i did not want to embarass myself much longer, so as long as i get to seat, OKAYY GOOD.) but sorry again, the 4 seats were reserved.OKAYY, i dunt mind. (by this time i was damn flushed.) and i sat beside Nadine and Dili. and as i plopped down my seat, i knew i was going to feel fucked up for the rest of the evening. whatever.

as i looked around, there were alot of empty seats. and it hit me. SO MANY SEATS WHAT.RESERVE FOR ME FOR WHAT RIGHT? SEAT IN FRONT OSO NEVERMIND WHAT. STILL CAN WATCH RIGHT?

so yes, that was how fucked up i felt. it was this overwhelming sense of rejection, but what the heck i wont care anymore. and throughout the whole show, i sat down, quiet. and at some point in time laugh at the humour of the performances by various schools. outstanding i must say. and i told myself, i came here to watch this, to relieve it all over again, not because i want to feel rejected and humiliated at the same time. so then it was break.

aimless.i swear.aimless, like you can feel the vibes of it. and i scoot off awhile to talk to asyikin and mai, WOW, THE NEXT THING I KNEW,EVERYBODY LEFT. WONDERFUL. so the next half of performance, i sat with syikin and mai. bluhh, then payd najib for tix, and i saw saddad.haha, hotness. what a correct tyming. anyway, moving on, performances clap clap clap..then the results.

1st- MILLENIA INSTITUTE (woohoo!woohoo!GO MI!)
2nd-TAMPINES JUNIOR COLLEGE
3rd-SERANGOON JUNIOR COLLEGE

haha,was extremely elated! and it feels so good, cos im a part of the MI family. saw saihah after that, OMG, i miss her so much.haha. so in the end, Dili was kind enough to drop me off at TJC, cos shes heading there, and from there i went home.so yea, here i am.

thinking back on today, i realised i spent 4 years in tk trying to fit in so badly and today, i can officially say goodbye to such a thing anymore. i grit my teeth too much today, and i can't help but feel put off with such atrocious treatment. i mean, it was the past, and if you cannot accept me for the past, its okayy, i aint forcing or BEGGING.

and i also came to a rather startling conclusion that when you undergo Physical Transformation, you tend to have this ESTEEM thing going and choose who to be with and push those you think disgust you. and it strucked me as pretty funny because she was never a looker in the first place. so yea, i hope some guy falls in love with your friendster picture (HAHA), and you can get married and live happily ever after. 4 years of friendship? down the drain. action pretty.eeyer.

and i know if there is ever another chance for this kinda outing, haha, i will make up many imaginable excuse to not go. whats the use, if this is the treatment i am going to get everytime. its not as if i NEVER APOLOGISE before. gosh, get over it man.and whispering in my face,HAHA, not very funny yea, the both of you.

ahh, even though it may seem not worthwhile, IT IS, the performance was great.solid. yea, good. so credits go out to najib and ilimah ( its her tix i bought), for the tix. because i wanted the tix so badly yea, only to find NOONE got back to me for it. and of course SYIKIN and MAI for making it bearable and enjoyable and normal at least. thanks.

it may seem so arrogant, but heck, i am making my 3 years in MI as enjoyable as it can get.
and oh another thing ,dont judge the company that i have. i fucken hate that.

okayys best to leave it at it. i know this entry will cause some hoo-haa over the next few days, but HEY, its my blog, i rant what i want, and you cannot stop me.and im not saying i hate them, its just that things have changed, and i cannot be bothered anymore. of course i miss most of them alot, but it goes without saying. and i never want to repeat things like they were in tk.i am sick of it.out.ergh.

disclaimer: this entry is written in frustration.so if anything strikes as offensive,whatever, i am sorry.

2006-03-24T20:48:00.000+08:00

changed template again.bluhh. i aint feeling too good. i feel the pressure building up actually.
papa is ranting none stop about money. i bet my life on this, that he would actually one day come to the Millenian Office and ask, why the fuck you guys need so much money? no pa, its not them, its me. i need the money, im using the things.not any other millenian personnel.

been rather forlorn.and very subjected to procrastination. seem to dwell on the horrid things in life. its time like this when you feel like as if the world is against you. like, the WHOLE WIDE WORLD. thankfully i have people in Millenia whom i feel comfortable with. Shirin is one, never fail to light me up in the mornings when things arent going fine and dandy. Diana, haha, she and her vain antics! ( i mean who the fuck put liquid eyeliner in the bus, when its all shaking? solution: wait for the traffic light.haha.)

also, we have set up a federation of girls in Pre-U 1.

The So-You-Think-You-Can-Flirt Federation
-Nadira
-Diana
-Leen
-Akidah
-Nora
-Sylvia
-Rinnayu

and of course we dont miss out the guys,we gave them a federation too.

The So We-Think-We-Are-Handsome Federation
-Haikel
-Zack
-Aidi
and the rest, haha, we havent got acquainted with.
will update on this bunch of Federation People.

anyway, the Girls Federation are totally silly.
we greet each other with Hi Bitch.ahaha, trust diana to come up with such bimbotic stuff.
and greet the guys Hi Sexy/Gorgeous.

so school has become more than enjoyable.fun stuff.yupp.

helped Mr Ng sort out the Carnival Day Cards after school today.
he was sort of surprised to see his Chair and Vice working so hard, that he said he will reward us with movie tickets.

i tell you, Mr Ng is prolly the best teacher to have in Millenia.Nice!
so adorable. haha.

06b2 are a whole bunch of fun people.
Ravi was being disgusting today.annoying! TENG! -shudders-
we have Champions too, and of course The 3 Musketeers.

prolly the one whom i cannot tolerate will be that Punitha.
what the fuck, you got nothing better to say, dont say or i shall recommend you for School Service.
you stumpedfuck bitch.

urgh.annoying.but well, i am very very happy in school.yea man.

of course, i do miss some things. culture of tk and all.
OH YES. Diana and me were discussing girls of tk. their behaviour.
We came to a rather surprising conclusion that tkgs girls,

can be so sweet today, and within the short span of 24 hrs you can easily denounce her a Bitch.
and also, we were never ''normal'' in tkgs, meaning our character traits were that of extremes.
like we can be sooooo Nice! or just soooo Bitchy!

haha.okayy i got to go now. mellys on the phone!taas.

2006-03-24T00:19:00.000+08:00

at this point in time,all i want to do is to shut down this blog.seriously. i've been thinking about it alot. because my past doesnt leave me alone. i bet everybody would believe this cliched and hackneyed statement, ''start afresh, and turn over a new leaf.'' and yes, that is what i am doing. countless times, ive sayd yet and then, i do not wish to screw up again.my god, the number of people judging you. miraculously ive survived today,with a few heartaches(cured) tucked under my memory.

tkgs. i understood why girls were so mean to me. my moral values were misplaced then, and yea, an outcaste that was what i am.note the past tense. now, i am surging forward and i do not care what is said about me anymore. i mean, its bound to hurt. and one of the girls who ended up in MI, well shes a good one to talk.

''brink of change'' (evolving? approaching?yea, changing.)

a common phrase and yet you make such a hoo-haa about it.

anybody ever been on the ''brink of insanity'' ? oh come on, please do not come forward and tell me its YOUR phrase because i dont see your name anywhere near ''brink'' or ''of'' or even ''change''.

fancy copying the whole load of my writing into her blog. then writing how i ooohhh have no sense of originality, blatantly copying HER phrase.oh my godd.Please.spare me from this atrocity.

you see,people like her have nothing better to do then,

1. Faking the Accent.
-its as fake as hell. trying to somewhat stir some controversy about her origins. haha. and when everyone saw her through. i kept quiet, i did not bitch.until NOW. you had to be petty dident you? i mean i even thought at one point you actually talked like that. even asked shirin, is that real or what? of course shirin sayd nope, in indignance.

if Nadia, yes she has that accent going on for ages. and even if you tell me she lied, i would have still believe her. afterall, the way her accent sounds like, its already pretty convincing.perfectly no reason to have anything against her. and in malay classes, Nadia talks like that, you know with what commonly known as a ''slang'' in malay even though in proper english term, slang is not = accent.and we thought Nadia's accent was somewhat hilarious.

so you cleverly tried to be so action during malay class, and hahahahahahahahahahaha. Cikgu Rasiah even tried demosntrating how fake you sounded.please.haha. and the people were all grimacing and wincing in pain at your feeble attempt to somewhat SLANG.hahaha.so yea.

moving on,

2.straightening half her head of hair.

-HAHA.i swear i did not notice it. seriously! it did not. until someone mentioned it. haha. anyway it was hilarious. haha,what can be worst than having half of your head straight and the front hanging down like unfinished business??! HAHAHAHAHA.

3.walking funny.

-quotes a classmate, ''why does she skip and walk like that?!''
me: i dunno!

so you see, she really needs to be occupied if not she will be all lalalala out of her head.

even moneh says you talk normally and don't slang. stop proclaiming to be something you aint man. and oh speaking of moneh, eyy!!! your apek shirt still with me sayang, when are you taking it?haha.well well well, missed you darling!

gosh,and to think i was beginning to find you bearable. now i dont like you even. gosh. and i bet the rest agrees with me too. just that the difference between me and the rest? well, i say it out loud.

anyway, i am a very play-fair-fair person you know.so before anything else, i shall apologise to you, for NOT INTENTIONALLY taking your phrase. see, i havent been your fren long enough to tell what belongs to you. so i think i am excused. but knowing you, apologies oso not enough.haha.go to hell.OOPS.

and sylvia,my beloved federation member and chairman and i know you love ur ass chairman too,(haha), she is not INDIAN sayang, she is ARAB.

''where got arab so dark one? i thought they fair2?''

ey ey sylvia!! LASER ARH.i dunno, dont ask me, ask her.LOL. i dunno, maybe shes a DARK ARAB.

and i think she abit siao, because shes trying too hard to emulate a girl on the verge of suicide... you know, like goth gore and all.haha.WEIRD.okayy! i got to go!

Diana and Sylvia, FEDERATION OF SO YOU THINK YOU CAN FLIRT rules! and ravi, i knwo ure homosexual, you sexy shit.hahaha.well well well... good night everyone!

2006-03-22T22:30:00.000+08:00

i don't know what tone to set for this entry.should i swear and curse or should i weep and sob,because this is probably one of the things noone would want for it to happen to them.and you can trust me on this one. we'll see about this.

my iPod nano,my prized possession and the cure to any emotional tumble has become the sacrifice of killers on the road.i dropped it on the road, and i had to contemplate, save it, or get knocked down? and in the end, it got ran over by the car.in the spur of the moment. i broke down. and people are not making it any easier for me.

my iPod da da da da Da..

''oh cool.hahas.''
''oh my god,i dont think you can vouch for a warranty.''

COOL huh? what is your definition of cool you sadistic freak! do you know, how much i treasure it? i had to earn it damnit! i had to work for it!and now its gone, and its soooo COOL.

emotions.emotions.im tired of dealing with you, my dear emotions.

let me go, let me go.

im so tired of crying again and again. why can't i ever be happy.

rendering all previous thoughts, i believe God was trying to convey something especially important to me.
He is the almighty, and guess what? I have neglected most of my duties to Him as a Muslim.

its getting private.i don't wanna shareit anymore.

even though its a lighter note, i dont consider it as one,but well, im assistant class manager.

no, but what i truly2 want, is to get my iPod, as it was before.

im sorry papa, mama, i always let you down, even when you don't support me at times, you think me useless most of the time, today, i realised the extent of your love for me. im sorry that ive been self centred, i love you i love you i love you.and i deserve this. if it cost too much to fix it, please dont. i dont want it to be an added burden. the family has much mroe important things to deal with.

what mroe with so many sick at home. and me needing so much money for school things. i defintiely caught you at a bad time. you work so hard for all of us, and today, only today, i realised all the sacrifices you made for me.

this is getting way too emotional. lets get out of here.

2006-03-20T21:07:00.000+08:00

My very first day of lessons at Millenia Institute.

First day of lessons are usually introductory so that was what it was all about just now. Introductions, introductions and MORE introductions. And all of them seem to emphasis on one thing.

'' Your school,is quite unknown, some people might mistake it as an ITE. But like our principal, Mr Ng said, you all are the cream of the crop. Your friends in the other JCs might look down on you and think that its all slack no work here in Millenia, but the truth is far from that. You are taking the A'levels syllabus which are SIMILAR to them. You have an added advantage, you have an extra year, so take this as an opportunity. ''

its all the same, and no, i am not tired of listening to the same thing today for at least 10 hours. you know why? because i know its important. i realised the importance of me making it somewhere. I know i am not screwing up. i need it to be drilled in my head. yea. especially since, i came here by choice.

and just for the record, Millenia's uniform doesnt look any similar to Meridian's uniform. i saw one of Jane's ex classmate today in the morning and shes like ''OH MY GOD, your uniform is same as mine (MJ)''

NO.my skirt parting is at the left, yours is right in the middle.thank you.

school is getting to be enjoyable( i hope.) i am going to school everyday with Kd and Shirin(haha.) shirin is sooo blardy funny. i swear.Mornings are usually peppered with her short stories and imagination of hers running wild, thinking very incredulous stories. and usually i will put the IPOD away to listen to her yakking away=).

the environment is unbearable, the humidity,the flies and all that. but OH, it only makes me more determined! haha.(note: self-comfort.)haha.laugh at ME you all!

the class is fine, i am not complaining, (underlying meaning: i have something to complain.) haha, well, but i wont say, but most of you would know.

i am running for Class Rep now. and i have another person running for the position too, Sandra. Shes loud and outspoken, reminds me of Sarah 4e9.

''You down there,looking bored,please answer my qn.''

Sandra, ''OH I DIDENT KNOW I LOOKED BORED.I AM SO SORRY.ANYWAY ME AND MY PARTNER...blablabla''

see what i mean. its not about being polite or rude or whatever, i dont care,thats her mighty problem.

but it has stirred me from a level of my comfort zone. i feel uncomfortable.hmm.nevermind.i never liked LSL ( lit teacher), maybe she just doesnt have the patience.some people are like that.

nevermind. i have so many things to do,homework. yea.see you all soon.

but before that, this is for my Rockin' Girls, BRATZ.

So Good
by Bratz
album: Rock Angelz (2005)

We know how to dare
We know how to dream
Tonight is the night
What we wanna be will be
We're gonna make it through
Let's conquer the fears
Take every chance
Hold back the tears
What we wanna be we'll be
We're gonna make it through
Out of our heads
Into our hearts
Close to the edge
Ready to start
And it's so good
Dancing on the air
It feels so good
Nothing can compare
Cuz the beat in our hearts
Is the beat of the charts
Like a spotlight we're cutting through
It feels so good
Shining here in front of you
Give everything
And don't be afraid
Be true to yourself
If you wanna live forever
You're gonna make it through
You're gonna make it through
Out of our heads
Into our hearts
Close to the edge
Ready to start
And it's so good
Dancing on the air
It feels so good
Nothing can compare
Cuz the beat in our hearts
Is the beat of the charts
Like a spotlight we're cutting through
It feels so good
Dancing on the air
It feels so good
Nothing can compare
Cuz the beat in our hearts
Is the beat of the charts
Like a spotlight we're cutting through
It feels so good
Shining here in front of you
(It feels so good
Shining here in front of you
Shining here in front of you)
Dancing on the air
It feels so good
Nothing can compare
Cuz the beat of our hearts
Is the beat of the charts
Like a spotlight we're cutting through
It feels so good
----------------------

this song is the official anthem.(AHA.)and this song makes me miss all of you so so much!
haha. cant wait for a full lunch and biking trip with all of you. haha,loves.

okayy i gtg yea, spread the love you all=).

2006-03-19T16:36:00.000+08:00

i've come to blog for the second time. just had lunch, which consists of mainly 12 tablespoons of rice, pluss abit of fish and lots of vegetables. feeling very,very accomplished right now=). oh wells, if i stick to this diet, there are chances that i will be a teeny weeny thinner. sniggers.

as i was saying, tomorrow is school day already, i guess i must set some expectations i have for myself. in case you don't know, ive basically screwed up my secondary years and i do not intend to screw up again. so here are a few that i can think of.

1. Try as much to go home as early as possible, everyday.
2. Study,YES,study. i am the future top scorer remember? -stick out tongue to jane- hyukk.
3. Stick with Tennis.so that i can lose weight. (i wish!)
4. Only consume light food at the Millenian canteen.
5. Sleep early.So i can wake up easier (EY i need to wake up at 5.30 okayy.no joke.)
6. Which leads us to... DONT SLEEP IN CLASS.
7.Try to eat an Apple everyday in the morning=).

ok nuff'. haha. it cannot be that hard. or can it?
haha. OH OH OH.

newsflash.

WAN HAS CHICKEN POX.

omg omg omg. as i am talking now, i can feel funny funny itches all over. ergh. help help help.
i think i havent got it yet. i am a GONER!

i shall like go check out the net abt Chicken Pox. The mode of transmission, is still all very foggy to me.
okayy,i'll go now.spread the itch you all.=)

2006-03-19T11:55:00.000+08:00

i have decided to go minimal.i mean, a blog is just a ranting space. i've decided (for now) i don't give a damn about templates. i just need a place to rant thats all. and what i write here do not have to please ANYBODY. ive been thinking, should i remove the much-loved tagboard? since ive already instilled a comments option at the end of each entry. maybe i should, we'll see how it goes. i mean, REALLY,im up for minimal things (for now).

i don't see the need to actually place all my likes dislikes and whatever shit things i used to put on my About column. i don't know, maybe now, i see it as trying too hard to tell the world what you are or maybe the opposite, -just following the crowd.but most definitely, all that, won't come in my blog anytime soon. they seem teenybopperish (for now). i might just change my mind you know. fickle as i am.haha.

and i've yet to post pictures.oh my gosh.somebody slap me for being a lazy bitch.bluhh.haha, i dont feel very good now. school is starting tomorrow.i have this very weird feeling about it, like..DREAD? how about DREAD? and i feel abit DEAD too.

this is kidtoy when he is still in KKH for that damned Asthma/Bronchitis.

haha.anyways, we were instructed to clean the house, ie destroy all housemites and eliminate all forms of dirt and dust. and wan, my oldest younger brother said, '' WHERE DO ALL THIS DUST COME FROM SIS?''

haha, i swear its so random.oh my gosh.haha. and we were discussing the his and los of the singapore education system and he told me,

*wiping the computer*

''people think ITE damn slack sis, i thought so too, but the truth is we learn as much english maths science as anyone else do.''

*removing bed sheets*
''really?haha. ''

''yeah.-pause.-''

''WHEN IS ALL THIS GOING TO STOP?''

hahaha.randomness.okayy got to go now. have to give kidtoy his 4hrly reliever. asthmatic people might know. bluhh.spread the love you all. cya in school

ps: Bratz Lunch Date Tomorrow. aha,cant wait.

2006-03-17T22:44:00.000+08:00

i told ya i'll be back with a better looking template, haha,this isnt exactly better looking, but i like it anyway.so this blog is under construction for the time being.

thanks for visiting.will update pretty soon=).

xoxo
nadd.

2006-03-16T21:25:00.000+08:00

Dr Clive

i just got back from the hospital. kidtoy, is fine=).he is running like a lunatic at the kids hospital right now. totally fine, he is classified under ASTHMA/BRONCHITIS? since its the first episode and all that. haha. kidtoy is making far too many girlfriends out of the nurses at KKH. apart from that he is still grumbling over the CUT in high cholestrol food. haha. anyway, met very interesting people at the hospital.

but i will put show case all these people later when i upload the pictures.haha. seriously.

lardeedumz.

lalala.

WHAT?

okayy okayy! i confess. there is this good looking doctor i met (apart from the Bald ones.) aha, he is DOCTOR CLIVE.
anyway,one look at him and youre convinced of marrying a doctor.haha.okayy maybe not, but he had this witty thing going which is totally hot.haha.

nadd nadd, when ure suppose to be worrying abt your brother.you are ogling at DR CLIVE. thats it luhh. haha, slap ur face.hua hua huaa.but nevermind, kidtoy is going to be discharged soon.no more doctor clive already. haha.=/

anyway i got away with my overseas calls.haha. i used dad phone.lol. it was 15 pluss. then i use my phone,4 pluss only.haha.so in the end pa dint notice.yay.so bill is 78 dollars.okayy la.haha.still quite high.

is it just me or is this current template dampen my interest in blogging. okayy! time for corporate restructuring!! haha.i am just so happy now. oh btw, grandpa bought 2 blue guitars. (grandpa,''DI, guitars dont come in PINK.) i know they do.haha.just that its rarely seen.haha. oh,its mini.haha.shud be easier to handle.haha.okayy. i should go and try it now.

so see ya later,and hopefully,by then, i get my school bag and shoes, learn a note or two and change to a bright bright template.hah!spread the brightey love ya all.love everyone of you who has wished kidtoy well to bits=).

ps: SOMEONE *coughsJANEcoughs* is probably coming back soon. haha. i miss you BESTIE!haha. can't wait! haham ill be hype and ready with posters and balloons.haha=).lalala.come on, it isnt me if i dont embarass you aye?=))

2006-03-13T10:40:00.000+08:00

viral infection

oh my god.somebody please slap me for being such a fucken sister.

'' it is so annoying. kidtoy is coughing like a mad dog man. he should seriously stop it. its pissing the hell out of me. and dad cannot hear anyone coughing or the whole house will be forced to consume BIG TABLESPOONS of cough mixture... ''

this is an extract from my previous post.for your information, kidtoy has just been WARDED.yesterday night, he woke up and he was out of breath. ma thought it was asthma and dad thought its because he is too fat, hence the inability to breath properly. no matter how much dollops of Vicks ma put on his chest, he just coudnt breath properly. Ma got worried,woke dad up and they rushed him to Changi General Hospital.

At Changi General Hospital, doctors pumped medicine in his body, hoping to unblock his passage of breathing so he can breath properly. they were unsuccessful. and kidtoy had to go through an X-ray. Seeing that they do not have a child specialist, they asked my dad to rush kidtoy to KKH.

So now, kidtoy is at KKH breathing through an oxygen tank, daring not to sleep as he is so afraid. so afraid of not... nevermind.Mum is beside him now. i should be rushing to the hospital in half an hours time.gosh.

My dad say his lungs are infected pretty badly. there were ulcers on em, and it was filled with mucus and all that. oh my god oh my god.KIDTOY! i am so so sorry if i was so mean to you about the cough. i certainly never meant it. i dident know it was till that extent. i thought it was a normal cough.i am really so sorry for being such a fucking bitch to you. Even when pa ask me to give you warm water, i gave you COLD WATER. when pa say eat medicine, i always forget and end up LYING THAT YOU ALREADY DID.

i really hope you get well soon.i really really do. can't imagine losing you. moral of the day: you never really learn to treasure someone/something until you find them suffering in pain.gosh.

forgive me for being a fucken sister.spread the fucken love you all.
and say a little prayer for my little brother. thanks.

2006-03-12T12:14:00.000+08:00

random thoughts.

it is so annoying. kidtoy is coughing like a mad dog man. he should seriously stop it. its pissing the hell out of me. and dad cannot hear anyone coughing or the whole house will be forced to consume BIG TABLESPOONS of cough mixture. not only that, there will be corrective work order, meaning, MOP the floor and DUST off the dust. annoying luhh.

i just woke up actually.hehe.its 12.17 p.m. played minesweeper with jane. as usual i lost.aha.nothing unsual. and yes, it STILL has only been ONCE since i actually win.shut up okayy? i only play frequently with jane, not with anyone else.hmph.(like that explains why i frequently lost.herher.)

anyway i have yet to explain about choosing Millenia Institute. since so many have been bugging the shit out of me.

quote Amelia '' but you will end up slacking and not studying...''

that is something i will NOT allow. and clearly, as capable as i am of slacking the way, i have mentioned time and time again i am completely SICK of messing up my life. and i chose Millenia over my choice of POLYTECHNICS because firstly, the course that i want is presumely not available (law and management),chances are, it has all been snapped up. and i chose Millenia out of SRJC YJC IJC whatever JC that i am eligible for because i realise that my foundation of subjects are not strong and i need more time to build on them. whats the use of going to a 2 year course and knowing deep in my heart that i woudnt go far, i would be lagging behind. pls do remember that even if i go to any of the JCs, which is considered lower end by any standard, they are also people coming in with below twenty points.no way. my foundation has NOT been laden properly. and i am only planning to TOPPLE if i go to JC.

so yes, i am not confident of my capability to commit to a JC regime. whereas in Millenia, its more relaxed, and i have an extra year to study. so yes, im definitely doing well in As this way. and get to a University,here. even if the University rate of Millenia is 40%, i am left undaunted because i KNOW i can do it, i am in the 40% batch and i will strive for ultimate success.

i hope i have made myself clear and im all set to prove to everybody ive made the correct choice. so please, from today onwards, NO MORE why MILLENIA? shut up. most likely, i will fart in your face or i will close my eyes and pretend i did not hear you. thank you very much.

ahh.i am being bugged off the computer.shall hand it over now.spread the bugging love you all.

2006-03-12T00:06:00.000+08:00

you've been bruised, you've been broken

whoa.what a day.been long since i had a day's out with the girls/friends. started off the day helping ma make fried mee,which is super delicious.haha.okayy,then got ready to meet melly at tampines. Hanrui was due to perform outside tm,since it was Yamaha Music School Anniv. He had purple hair which was sorry to say Eww.haha. but he sang okayy la.haha.den we set off for coasta sands.Siti's BBQ.

Rina, Amel, Sai, Jiggra, Siti and me+melly were there.it was fun i tell you. Rina is lame and crazy.okayy, actually everybody was crazy.haha.best part is,food is absolutely DEELISH.godd.the bonesteak, or more commonly known as Tulang.whoa,nice. haha. i ate two of that and gulp down countless cups of drinks.weee.

Camwhore everywhere.im waiting for raf to pass me the pictures.haha. good pictures they are. LOL.shall post here when i have the time.

i am super super tired. i should sleep now.spread the sleepy love you all.

ps: lets go cycling Bratz!!

2006-03-10T16:52:00.000+08:00

Your Appeal Is Unsucessful.

thats what it says on the tpjc website.i wasnt really hopeful.really. i am realistic and i have mentally prepared myself for it. i am beginning to like millenia alot,alot. the people there is really great. the only thing i detest and loathe is the Physical Education Programme in Millenia. My goodness. In millenia, you fail if you get a bronze. so yea people,NO BRONZE. apparently 97.3% of millenia get silver and gold. can someone please kill me? i never liked all this physical education shit.i bet im going to run last or something.i better start running again tomorrow, although there certainly are limitations to what a week training can do.thats it man.

Mr Ram is so gonna make us RAM like bulls,damn. and he tells us NOT to run away from P.E. he say he is champion at his favourite game, HIDE AND SEEK. urghh.hahaha,but so far the teachers at millenia are amusing man.haha, good sense of humour.especially Mr Singh.heh.

i bought my 2 sets of uniform already. i love it.Marmee is in the process of shortening it.heh. eyy eyy,dont act like ure not used to it ehh.but the skirt really long.it needs the shortening.so irritating.the auntie wanted me to get XXL. eyy,my butt not as big as yours okayy.bitch.haha.so insulted.haha.

Mr Singh briefed us on the new campus.SO NICE.aircon everywhere.he is so lame. i swear.

''There is going to be a direct bus service from Bedok to the new campus. See, not only are the classes air conditioned, even on ur way to Millenia its all air-con.''

-laughs-

'' Is the Hall Air-con Mr Singh?''

''I HAVENT GET TO THE HALL YET.''

-hysterics.-

hahaha.he is super lame,please.and yes,aircon halls.haha.

anyway,i would like to clarify this once and for all. i come to Millenia Institute By choice. who the fuck do you think you are saying that i have no other choice? i could have made it to poly but i like millenia,so what? did i disturb you? no ryt?so you should shut ur trap and dunt ever come up to me and tell me i am stupid and dumb. i did not screw up my olevels, please.

and currently i am pissed at someone in Millenia now. Definitely not a good omen to begin with. Shes so annoying. should just fuck off and leave the school.sheesh.and she is so bloody fickle about staying and she got pissed with me when i am too tired to care if she is staying or not.eyy seriously ,what the heck. and then start being nice again. make a stupid suggestion.no brainer.yuck.

ahh,thank goodness for people like Kaydee,Shirin,Renuka,Akidah and Leen.haha. Nice people in Millenia.i like. Leen is from hougang and she is my childhood friend.how cool ehh.haha. leen is really nice=).ahh. haha. and shirin go to skool with me. i love shirin.she talks nonsense. WASTE WASTE WASTE.ahahahha.

jane is irritating the fuck out of me. i should just die and cry now.haha. cant wait for school to start on next next monday. millenia is the love.and OH OH OH. i joined tennis.haha.cool cca.lol

me and my racket.LOL.anyway spread the rackety love you all.

ps:i saw _ _ _ today.is she retained or something?hmm.

2006-03-09T16:55:00.000+08:00

Orientation-Millenia Institute

i just got back from Millenia. Today is the last day of orientation. So,it wasnt that bad actually. im beginning to find the idea of becoming a full-fledged Millenian rather appealing. Anyway,i want to update in details about this,because it is especially memorable. i went on a transition,from disliking Millenia so much to actually starting to like it. see, it is a gradual process. i am not saying that a day of orientating make miracles happen. i still have my doubts though=/.

so the day started off with me oversleeping,waking up at 6 am,rushed out of the house and made it to bedok interchange.actually,this is not significant.what was more significant was, i actually did not have a chance to see my parents come back from work=/.so you know, it feels really different from the usual.and plus, i wasnt too excited going to millenia.so early.and i actually wanted to cry as i cring at the time i have to wake up in order to make it there by 7.

we went to the gym to have assembly.i was still OG-less so in the end the teacher placed us in the different ogs. i got separated from atiqah though.=/ nevertheless my OG was great, because there were people like kd, ayu and leen=). we pretty much hang around together.hmm.OG5 was great!needless to say,we were the champions.haha. so it came as such a surprise for me. OGLs were funny and enthu also, Amala and Serene. and i saw the hott OGL renuka's been blasting about.Saddad.lerr.he is of mixed origin so naturally,he is good looking.and he is raidah's cousin?haha=x.

did not participate in the wet games.(no extra clothes pluss i was too lazy.) then went to have Mr and Ms Millenia contest which we sent noorie out for.okayy, dont be shocked okayy, after today, noorie's bearable.i almost liked her today.HAHA.alright anyway you know,noorie's like all enthu and all so yea,great job.

huge sense of camaraderie today.fellow ogs were all pretty much a friendly bunch of people,so i had no problem whatsoever.except there was this guy, shahrul/shahrun?(sp?) oh whatever, well he displays retarded behaviour and he pretty irked me out,but nontheless he is spontaneous.aha.

then came the contest and all.rocked la OG5.yeah.then there was mass dancing. i liked it.it was fun and easy so it was not much of a problem.then all the nonsense the OGL did and the emcees.haha.well,enjoyed it.

prize giving after that.so we are the champions! Serene,OGL, said we won the Mr and Ms Millenia also but if so we would have won 2 prizes, so they gave it away to another OG.haha,nevermind.we know we're the best=). haha. distribute prize, and all the other items,exchanged numbers and all.yea.its good fun=). so that was orientation for me.good.it was good.in the morning i was all grouchy,but now,its good=),though im tired.

Purchases of Uniforms can be made on Friday. so yes,im staying,im buying the uniform,which is actually nice by all standards.ahaa.im probably buying two sets.yupp.

no word from tpjc.i assume its off you guys.i am not clinging on to any hopes any longer. im a Millenian now.

ahh.before i go, i would like to apologise to Ms Jane Setyapranata for publicly displaying her message. apparently, its private.so yes,no more publication of it, she bans it. haha.not even copyright would help it.ahh,jane is the love.she's god-sent=). what would i do without you? haha. jane,keeps me sane and practical.when youre sane and practical, you'll make and do logical choices without emotions intervening.haha.thanks jane=).

so yes,im off for a nap now?i guess.spread the nappy love around.(ahh.nappy.haha)

ps:me and KD hope to become top scorers of Millenia.and we are serious.haha.
pps:theres something wrong with me today. i cannot converse properly in english.annoying.

2006-03-08T15:45:00.000+08:00

In case many havent heard, well, im in Millenia Institute now.
I have so many thoughts circulating my mind, i don't know which to write down.
Is this the right choice made?should i have pursued a poly education?
ahh,but i do know that i want to go to a local university.

maybe i havent come to terms with my superficial way of thinking.
i should stop hating the way the campus looks, because we are moving to a new one in September.
i should stop hating the distance between Millenia and Bedok.
i should stop hating the fact that people there come in with 3 or 4 olevel passes.

above all, let it be known, i do find myself lost in this environment. i dont belong there.
i feel like ive failed my olevels so badly,that theres not even a place for me anywhere.
went to school today, and selected subjects.

my heart grew heavy,because i come to a rather daunting realisation that i will be there,for the next 3 years of my life.would it be all worth it?as i type this, tears are welling in my eyes. i shouldnt have screwed up my tk life. i should have studied hard and get somewhere. i shoudnt have succumb to so many distractions. i could have made it somewhere.

i guess i have to swallow this down,no matter how bitter it is. Ma says she knows i tried my best,but certain diplomas can be highly unmarketable,and she wants to see me in Uni,so yes, lets drive this in my head.

i am in Millenia not because i am stupid and screwed up my os so badly,but because i want to take my Alevels.
i am in Millenia therefore i shudent complain and start studying harder than anyone else in it.
i am in Millenia and i didnt say i hate it, but i have to bear with it.

i bet it is all clear to you as to why im so..perturbed,about entering millenia. i am worried i will be distracted. but i hope it never happens.i do not want to keep screwing up my life again.

this just wasnt part of it.this wasnt suppose to happen. somebody messed up my battleplans, and i know, it was me.

welcome to Millenia Institute, Nadira!

okayy lets get off this topic already.

i miss Jane.its in times like this where i would be calling her frantically like an idiot, and she will never fail to plaster a smile, if only for a few minutes. but i realised now that i cannot be dependent on her. she cannot continue being my pillar of emotional strength.

i cant wait for her to come back.i think i will sob like a shitfuck loser when she comes back.and sob again like a shitfuck loser when she goes back. just had a conversation with her on msn.

was rather amusing=).i love you jane.and today before i left for Millenia, she actually messaged.

''Hey good luck at sch ltr yea! dun go wrong time wrong cls.future top scorer.lol.''

pls ignore the future top scorer part.she is just spurting nonsense.jane does have her bimbotic moments you know. sometimes she thinks black is the new PINK.aha.dunt believe me?ASK HER.haha.ok i was just kidding.but this is too good a blogging material i cannot leave it out.

jane woke up, thinking ''oh no!im late.'' and hurriedly made her way to school even saying to her aunt, my class is at 9.so when she reach the class, she was surprised.there was no one there!in her mind, ''WHERE IS EVERYBODY?'' and she continued getting confused but was smart enough to check the timetable again.alas for her, its at 10. ahahaha. bimbotic moments.so she went home.hahaha.

i think i know what essence val was talking about. jane and i definitely differ in many,many ways. but i guess, we are a good mismatch,we get along fine,in fact too fine, we often end up bickering over the stupidest things. hahaha.
talking abt jane cheers me up. i love jane=).

spread the love you all.

2006-03-07T00:29:00.000+08:00

''tell them what i like,what i want,what i don't,but everytime i do, i stand corrected.''

i would appreciate it if pa just stop deciding for me.stop it.
i am heading nowhere in my poly education if im just going there to please you, and its not something im passionate about. and for now, i am having avid thoughts on Millenia Institute. i still refuse to have this discussed until i actually get somewhere.

i appealed out already btw.it was obvious Yishun did not want to let me go.
the principal is well,weird.the school itself is so damn far,weird and theres this icky weird vibe i picked from the students.the uniform is,oh my god.horrible.ahh,ok i shall relax on the criticism,im out already remember?

anyway,heres the convo between me and Principal.

M:'' i want to appeal out of yishun please.''
P:''why you want to appeal out?''
M:''err.im appealing to other jcs and polys.''
P:''you wont have a place yet therefore you cannot appeal out.''
M:''no,i called yesterday they say i CAN appeal out.''
P:''why you want to appeal out?''
M:''I am considering other options.''
P:''like?whats ur l1r5?''
M:''erm.17?why?''
P:''oh i see,you wont have a place.you appeal out means you
have forfeited your place at YJC.''
M:''but i dont intend to stay anyway,''
P:''why not?''
M:''ITS SO FAR AND I DONT LIKE THE UNIFORM.''
P:''alright(to secretary), you may let her go.''
S:''please fill in this form...''
M:finally!

i was so exasperated i swear i could have bitten my tongue and let it bled,just to see the satisfaction of seeing him shut up and dont ask, where im going.is it your business?do you know how upset i am over YJC? i am well aware if i withdraw,i dont have a school.just stop it will you?i know im at a disadvantage.

these days,there has been many well,deaths.and sometimes i wonder, if death is really an end to everything.
if death really ends everything,then why do people left behind get entangled, blaming themselves for your going away and this is just the environment you left behind reacting to your death.

what about yourself?have you accomplish much? or is there something else you could have done better? you could have lead a good life.but you chose to throw it away. i believe that those who choose this way, is just being ungrateful and does not have his faith in god.

and the death of the vj guy.sigh.i dunnoe how to feel about it actually.just that a word of caution, noone i know must commit suicide there ehh.DONT RUBBISH arh.slap ur face.stupid shit.

im getting abit carried away.and Asyura,the darling cute 3 year old, may Allah be with you.
you died innocent,you shall have a good life up there with Him.the bastard who killed her should DIE.

ahh.im definitely not in the mood for jolly things.oh,gdnite all.

2006-03-06T14:42:00.000+08:00

i am simply in awe of my own stupidity.

and this is getting very real.

i will end up nowhere.

im very sure of it.

i cannot say much now.

in fact.i wont.

2006-03-05T10:19:00.000+08:00

''Never let today's disappointment overshadows tomorrow's dreams,'' quoted from farhanah's msn nick.

that was her msn nick yesterday.and i find much sense in it.im so tired of worrying crying and thinking abt it,i bet my head will explode, anytime. i found another victim yesterday. Saihah. She proves to be a great source of comfort. ''don't worry la nad, you'll make it. no one with your number of points go to ite.''

can you see? i am in the advanced stage of paranoia.

Law and Management.

this is what i really want to do.
the cut off point is 14. i have 13 with me.
risky.so risky.

but everyone tells me not to worry.
nevertheless, im still going to all the polys and appeal in.
worst-case scenario,you get what i mean?

and tomorrow, im appealing out.
like jane say, ''if thats what you don't want to do, then appeal out!''

i will update again.after this whole grieve process is over,
you bet i am going to explain everything,in details.

goodday to all.loves.
code cer

The University of Blogging

Presents to
depinkfreakzone

An Honorary
Bachelor of
Gossip

Majoring in
Non Sequiturs

Signed
Dr. GoQuiz.com

2006-03-04T14:47:00.000+08:00

i doubt i would ever be able to blog everything out properly until this misfortune go away. im so afraid of jinxing anything.

its almost as if i failed my olevels and heading to ite.
i really have no where to go.

im beginning to show desperation.
im serious, just ask dixie.

can we dont talk abt this till the end of march?
yea,can we just dont discuss.

and please, i simply hate it when you keep saying how happy you are now.
pls be sensitive to those who are not as fortunate as you are.

i simply do not give a fuck if youre enjoying yourself.
go ahead.enjoy.dunt rub it in my face.

im partially angered at myself.
this is seriously, the worst heartbreak anyone could give me.

17 years of living,this is the worst heartbreak ever bestowed.
and it sucks to know its coming from yourself.

not ur lover, or best friend.
i would be more accepting if it came from a friend.

but this can affect my whole future.
ugh.im simply disgusted.

why on earth did i put myself in this position?

anyway,a whole load of thanks to those who made me feel better.

-melly
-dixie
-valerie
-jane
-jirah
-jenny (the tp spokesperson i met yesterday.)
-asyikin

fuck you,im not reporting damnit.
im so walking to ur stinky principal office and say im appealing out.
theres no way im staying there.

somehow,i think srjc would have been better.
anyways,i'll go now. i cant say much.

take care all.spread the depressing love vibe around.

2006-03-03T15:11:00.000+08:00

The Downfall.

this has to be possibly the worst heartbreak ive ever had to endure. its probably the worst rejection ive ever faced, i thought i could play it cool, dont pine too much hopes and be happy wherever i am.

but mother nature played such a cruel joke on me.
for some reason or so, she decides to test the best of my patience.

and clearly i wasnt able.i am, defenseless.
i've lost it.and now im crawling on all fours, tugging on the hem of her dress,
begging to be given a chance.

and im so heartbroken.
and they say they will get back to me by 10 march.
and they say 3 weeks later.

and if nothing works,
i will just have to find my way out.

on my own.

and im crying,im crying.
and i cant stop,i wont stop.
untill you say no, say no,

that youre not a failure,
you finally belonged.

damn,my heart aches so much.

2006-03-03T03:29:00.000+08:00

Rumours?
i almost went mad trying to crack the PPP authentication(sp?) code.annoying.if you dont want your computer to screw up, heed my advice,DO NOT ever leave a 38 year-old on the computer by himself. or else,destruction is rest assured.he went anxious for abit,after that he doze off leaving me on my own to fix this. so annoying.

oh,todays posting!at 8 a.m.OH NO.somehow,this is even worst than olevels results jitters. so yesterday,rumours? speculations?technical problems?how come this impolite people at moe dont explain why ytd people get access? fear of losing credibility,as an efficient education body? nonetheless, they are annoying shits.

ahh,im beginning to be a diehard fan of pcd.my pod on-the-go playlist recognises track 1-4 as PCD tracks.

1.Don't Cha (im still not tired of it.)
2.BEEP. (huaaa.loves!)
3.Tainted Love
4.Buttons(NICE!)

azim introduced me to number 4.haha. he even sayd,
''PCD lagu semue best2 arh! MACAM NAK KAHWIN JER DGN SEMUA..''
translates: PCD's SONGS are NICE.feel like marrying them all.

rolls on floor laughing.
and speaking of ROFL (i dunt like it,as in the abbreviation.)
i have yet to figure out LMAO.
my faintest attempt at deciphering dis would be,
1.LIMAU?

annoying you know,when people put ROFL and LMAO.or wtv that is. maybe i shall put PINK, do you know what it stands for??DO YOU LIKE TO KEEP WONDERING? then dont keep saying!eee.annoying!

okayy,i dont feel like blogging.taa=).spread the love!

I'm telling you loosen up my buttons baby (Uh huh)
But you keep fronting (Uh)
Saying what you going to do to me (Uh huh)
But I ain't seen nothing (Uh)

2006-03-02T01:48:00.000+08:00

Polytechnic Admissions.

damn.i just called mei up just now,and she says that her friend who scored 12 points did not go in mj, nor did she go tpj.so how much do you need to get in tpjc anyway? argh.asked melly abt how they will post students,melly say it will be in order of your l1r5,and i assume its with minus,if not what are the bonuses for?hmm.argh.i dunt know. the possibility is endless, but i really do not mind going in temasek poly, it was my first love remember? but the thing is, i dunt know, i guess a part of me will still be disappointed?hmm.nevermind,wherever i end up im going to be happy, im in control of my own destiny.yes,thats something NOONE can take away from me.

im definitely not recuperating well from the fever.i think its a season of flu,and its really bad man. i cannot taste my food,which is good in a way, (im eating less.)but the bitter awful taste circulating my throat is so annoying, i feel like throwing up.and i cannot drink plain water because i will throw up, so i drink syrup water, sweet water,whatever. bottomline is, im ill (sick,is not the right word to use, people like jane find glee in the word and will blatantly twist the meaning much to her joy and laughter.)

ohh.called jane just now also,for a few minutes.we were just talking nonsense.basically nothing fruitful, just incessant chatter.lol.Oh. before i forget,

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY VAINPOT!!
HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY MONEH!!

may these wonderful babes have a lovely year ahead=).

hah!sheesh.today kim stolz got voted out.THERE GOES ANOTHER FAVOURITE.
but im glad that the final two is Nik and Nicole Linkletter.
I CANNOT BEAR IT IF ITS BRE.gosh.the biatch.

ahh,tyra banks the best.im getting a tad lazy to blog.so yes spread the lazy love you all.

2006-03-01T01:31:00.000+08:00

cynics,haha,who needs em?

oh my goodness.unbelievable,the extent people go to bring you down. haha,maybe throughout the years in tkgs, you've succeeded (both the Me on the tag) to somewhat make me feel inferior to you. but lets get this straight, i dont need anyone cynical to get me to the top. i can do it on my own, and i am so not going to deviate from what i intend to do. maybe youve made me feel pathetic,loserish and plain worthless just so to boost your esteem, but right now, i am not affected. i therefore write this entry, to clarify, my stand as a blogger and my stand as a unique individual.

lets start with the dramaqueen thing.oh gosh. so much for freedom of your own space.

''youre such a dramaqueen who so cannot speak english. brush it up before you try to even sound profound.''

the fact that you actually bothered to read and notice that i cannot speak english is clearly an inconsistent statement. because you actually understand what i am trying to put across and you think its all bluff and dramaqueen.bad news pal, it aint. anyway, my entries are typically boring, and what i write is for me to understand,not you,why do you bother love?

whats my purpose of blogging? to rant my heart out, to just say things i want to say and basically thats it. and what do you mean im trying to sound profound? maybe YOU are lacking in YOUR vocab, so please do not push the blame to me.ugh. and i am not and !con for speak good english, and im only 17 still learning english, so what the heck is the problem here? its not as if youre english is very profound right?

and if i decide to be arrogant and piss you off in your face, HAH, i would gladly correct your tag too, its not grammatically correct by the way.but i am not like you,fortunately, i understand your limitations and i dont see the need to correct because seriously, nobody bothers to COMMENT on the way you write.

clearly, you are just finding fault with me. because i know, you dont like me. and neither do i like you. so its fair. and please be responsible for your tags. it just shows how cowardly you are.haha,actually, i do think youre a self-centred boring person and everything revolves around you,hence the nick, ME.haha.

and btw,if you havent notice its MY BLOG,MY LIFE and if im a DRAMAQUEEN, thats MY problem and talking about dramaqueens,haha, you dont know whats going on in MY life, so please shutthefuckup.

alright,lets move on to the next tag by Me (what shitfuck nick is that?clearly no originality.)

''hi,i think youre a freak show.you dont like people who are fat, but youre as fat as they are.''

hi back to you freakshit.i guess i never did make myself clear about this fat thing. now if you will be patient with me, please look at my about column, it says,

''HIP!(highly irritating people),those who are guilty of false judgements,lipids in whichever form alike,ungrateful ingrates and petulant teenyboppers from planet bubblegum. ''

i said, I HATE LIPIDS. i never did say I AM NOT FAT. i am FAT by any standards,i EAT ALOT.BUT,at the same time, I HATE LIPIDS. it is not my fault that i have weakness for food containing large amount of lipids right? but when I GROW FAT,i will get frustrated. i will try every ridiculous way to try to remove it, but to no avail. (just ask any of my good friends,like melly or something. sorry love,im just so annoyed now.) that is what i meant.

DID I WRITE THAT I HATE FAT PEOPLE?

i believe not. i have very good FAT FRIENDS TOO. who are way FATTER than me,so who are you to judge that im FAT? i know it myself, and i do not need to be reminded thank you very much.why are you putting words in my mouth?if you are so shitfuckingly thin, GOOD FOR YOU. did i whine to you to make me thinner?dont have right.so let me be. i dont owe you or anyone else in this world,a living.

you just cannot stand it that i am happy the way i am.eye-sore ryt? then dont come here. its none of your beeswax. i dunt need you here,so please leave love. the freak-show,is over.

trust me,people judge you as much as youre judging me.so why dont you worry about what they have to say first then maybe after youre perfecto (right.) than you can come back here and humiliate me again. but otherwise, all i have to say to all cynics alike,

i live for myself, and i will do what it takes to make it somewhere so you cannot just step all over me like youre doing now.its your day today.mine,tomorrow.you better believe it.

*end of rants for them.

its no surprise that there are a few ingrates out there who detest me. i know, sooner or later they will show up, trying every possible way to bring me down.but ma said, ''classic case of bitching girls.'' true. i agree with her. so i am not particularly worked up over it.

but im human, i have feelings too and its alright to feel seriously bad after being criticised. the point is, i can take criticism, after all, they are the ones that make you improve in whatever path or way youre taking, but criticism without a basis? i feel rightly wronged. (an oxymoron.haha.)

im considering removing the tagboard and replacing it with a comments thing, so at least i can moderate them and whatever bitter comes my way, i do not have to tell it to the whole world.

yea,you might think its unecessary, i think so too. but i am so tired of retaliating and defending my stand as a person.i dont deserve this at all. but maybe i can let it go, im forgiving although at times, i am vindictive.

and this shitfuck headache will simply NOT go away.its annoying. and i know i have to get some rest now.
so spread the resting love you all, may you learn something from my entry today.

in case you havent catch the moral of today's entry (NO,its not DONT PUT UP A TAGBOARD.wrong!) its,

''Cynics are just lowly esteemed individuals who find glee in your destruction,do not let them come your way and if they do, tell em, YOU ARE MAKING IT TO THE TOP WITH OR WITHOUT THEM, and of course, YOU DONT OWE ANYONE A LIVING.

the end.

[edit]

i think im actually quite fast you know.

with ip addresses dis days, its not IMPOSSIBLE to

track down spammers.

my conclusion:

it cannot be NICOLE SU and VERA ANG.

they are too nice actually.

TOO NICE.

and yes, i have yet to find the real culprits.

haha.i shall let it rest. no use wasting my energy

thinking.

mystery solved.

2006-02-28T17:06:00.000+08:00

Back.

ive lost some interest in blogging.somehow,i cant find the drive that i used to have when it comes to blogging. well, i keep saying to myself,i'll blog today, but no,somehow i dunt feel like it.but this time its for real. i wrote a crap shit entry yesterday and i couldnt bear to press the prominent orange button, that signals publication as i dunt want to expose readers to such unwanted crap.you all dont deserve that.

anyways,ive started reading alot, and somehow find myself intrigued in sci-fi. yea,like so unlike me, to go for sci-fi since they never fail to put me to sleep.but this time its different.i dunt know why th e sudden interest but i believe maybe im in need of some soul searching.ive been wondering alot abt this existence.i guess at some point in time, you will wonder why is it ME on earth? hell, with ME here, i create a total dissatisfaction among other beings here. you will feel like you wish to be rid off,wiped off th face of the earth.

such proximity i expose my myselfs to. i wonder if someday i will ever blog properly,and blog like ME should be blogging.do you get me?like normally.okayy,i guess im confusing everybody. lets be normal now.

Afiq called me at 3 am yesterday.haha.so much for promising that he will call in the afternoon, nevertheless we carried on with the worthless chatter till the wee morning of 5.30 a.m. worthless chatter translate into,bitching abt a particular one that seems to get on my nerves since urm a few days ago? anyways that aside, what else can two opposite genders talk about?

lately ive been having weird apparitions appearing my dreams.damn.and i will usually wake up crying. and i am still suffering from a fever and my parents are totally oblivious to the state of my body. and ive been cheerfully dragging kidtoy,an and wan for a check up at the poly clinic when they have a flu and completely ignoring my head's plea for medical attention.

ahh,enough abt this weight thing.im not usually vain and i dunt mind a tummy, but recently its getting bigger and im getting to be abit concerned.ahh. i feel sick.and the pain in my head is so cutting and blinding.especially at night.

i guess ive got something else im bothered about.hmm.since after the incident of pa and the other woman, pa and ma still has issues which they never come to terms to. and just 2 days ago, pa actually uttered the words. if we follow strictly the Islamic Law, that means the talak, has dropped, meaning they are already not together. and they made up later.

hurhur. this is not the first time it has happened.spousal abuse.well, thats one talak dropped ain't it?hmms.

i guess i have to protect my own interest as a woman. even in this modern world, women are still denied liberal rights and are still considered weak and incapable.they would rather ask a Man rule a country than a Woman. see the outright injustice? anyway,back to marriage, i dont think i would ever want to do it. and my The One will have strict criterias,so i guess i will not end up married.haha. i dunt believe the ''till death do us part'' thing, haha i shall list my criteria for marriage on the next entry.

got to go now.spread the love you all.

2006-02-26T17:55:00.000+08:00

The Blasting Day with Friends.

back from a tiring day yesterday,ok not exactly.haha. met up with all 6 of them, Azim Khairi Farhanah Raudah Zakiah and Afiq, and the moment i stepped foot in interchange, azim asked whether he is going to have a cake or not. haha,so in the spurr on the moment i actually went and buy.it was random actually.LOL, but oh boy the happiness it brings.haha,the cake had ultraman figurines on em.

anyway we spent like 45 mins just waiting for Afiq,what only.haha. but the time was spent with the ever so sweet-looking farhanah taking picture in the passport photo booth and us sitting down chewing mentos while asking each other abt life in since we've all stopped talking.i find it incredibly special that my friends still regard me as an ex classmate even though i graduated from Btps at p4.a tender age of 10 years old.glad that the friendship mustered thru these years.and it clearly shows the truth in the corny quote, '' this is not goodbye,its till we meet again.''

went to eat at pizza hut and it was so funny i tell you,it was insane, my sides were aching from the laughter the others drew and azim was especially funny,me and zakiyyah just couldnt stand it,my god.and we talked about plans of going on a camping trip which i really hope will be executed.yays.currently gathering attendance, apparently at a tender age of 17,ehermp,boys like azim khairi and afiq still needs to sought permission from their folks.haha.

anyways,here are the pictures of the birthday boy.raudah has yet to pass me our group photo.haha. and i dunt bother rotating em,so wtv,tilt your head yea?lol.

we were singing a birthday song for him.haha.oh btw, thats the CACING,afiq that we waited for like 45 mins.Hurmph.

and we laugh like shit here because we were amuse when azim made the ultraman figurines dance around the cake. lol.funny.azim seriously needs to shut up,because he is soo funny.haha.i hope he makes it to the camping trip. haha.

and he blows the candle!hahaha. actually the candles were mistakely blown by afiq,wth?so in the end we had to relight it again and he blew it.hahaha.

and he gives me a POSE.aww.azim's almost 17.actually,his birthday is on MONDAY.lol.someone suggested cutting one candle by abit since it aint his birthday yet.LOL.

haha.that was about it.i shall update more on the camping trip which promises to be load of fun.Azim suggested playing musical chairs.LOL.nonsense.seriously,NO,make that SERIOUSLY.hahaha.i can just slap him for being so funny.haha.

and OH BTW.guess who is coming to singapore this mid march??

OHMYFRICKINGOD,JON JONSSON.ARGH.thank you god,THANK YOU.
he answered my prayers!gosh.im gushing.hahaha.nonsense.

i swear i will painstakingly roam the streets of orchard when he does come here everyday from the mid of march. hehe.nonsense la nadira.BUT I HOPE I'LL SPOT HIM.argh.haha.

and this is JENNY SHIMIZU.if most of you had been wondering,shes a gay model, who was discovered by Mr and Mrs Calvin Klein and is a mechanic.haha.sexy!and she recently appeared in antm.haha.wee.

ok dahh.im too tired to drag on.so spread the dragging love you all.

2006-02-25T12:00:00.000+08:00

The Singing Capability=)

great.just great.i actually cannot view cbox chatterbox on my computer.now i cant tag to anyone back who uses cbox.sighh.nevermind.its 12.09 now actually and in an hours time or so,i have to go bathe. (yes,i havent bathe,in fact i just woke up.haha.)

wan actually got suspended.gangsterism,when it wasnt his fault to begin with.sheesh.

hmm.meeting the Xbtps people,the malays only.haha.thats because the ratio of chinese in our former class was dominant,so a reunion with them will be sort of messy?nyehe.

anyway, todays meeting is 2.00 pm,bedok interchange telephone booth. there will be 7 people going.yay.so its not that pathetic.

-azim
-afiq
-raudah
-zakiah
-farhanah
-khairi

and of course,yours truly.haha.i think we will probably catch a bite or sth.catch up on alot of things,for instance, olevels results and of course the usual reminiscing.i am NOT looking forward to reminiscing.hmm.

had a rather musical conversation with jane.hahaha.read on.

laisser'faire ™ {solitudeiswhereyoufly} trust,an issue to be reckoned with ; says:
dun try to provoke me
laisser'faire ™ {solitudeiswhereyoufly} trust,an issue to be reckoned with ; says:
IM NOT LISTENING
laisser'faire ™ {solitudeiswhereyoufly} trust,an issue to be reckoned with ; says:
LALALLALA
← jane → says:
im not askin you to listen
← jane → says:
just read can rdy
← jane → says:
lol
← jane → says:
dodo
← jane → says:
let me join you
← jane → says:
lalala~
← jane → says:
lol
laisser'faire ™ {solitudeiswhereyoufly} trust,an issue to be reckoned with ; says:
wahh jane
laisser'faire ™ {solitudeiswhereyoufly} trust,an issue to be reckoned with ; says:
i dint know ure so
laisser'faire ™ {solitudeiswhereyoufly} trust,an issue to be reckoned with ; says:
musically inclined
laisser'faire ™ {solitudeiswhereyoufly} trust,an issue to be reckoned with ; says:
lalalalalala~
← jane → says:
you just dunt noe me

and she continues showing off that she actually loves singing.BOASTER!

← jane → says:
lalalalalalalalalalalalala~
laisser'faire ™ {solitudeiswhereyoufly} trust,an issue to be reckoned with ; says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
laisser'faire ™ {solitudeiswhereyoufly} trust,an issue to be reckoned with ; says:
omg im crying already
laisser'faire ™ {solitudeiswhereyoufly} trust,an issue to be reckoned with ; says:
hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

so i started boasting too..

laisser'faire ™ {solitudeiswhereyoufly} trust,an issue to be reckoned with ; says:
LA LA LA LA LA LAAAALA LA LA LAAAAA

but NO.she has to OUTSHINE me.

← jane → says:
LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
← jane → says:
lol
laisser'faire ™ {solitudeiswhereyoufly} trust,an issue to be reckoned with ; says:
lala LA~ la la LA la la LA la LAAAA lalalaaaaaLALALALALALALAL~~~~~
laisser'faire ™ {solitudeiswhereyoufly} trust,an issue to be reckoned with ; says:
im so blogging abt this
laisser'faire ™ {solitudeiswhereyoufly} trust,an issue to be reckoned with ; says:
hehe
← jane → says:
NO
← jane → says:
u;re not
laisser'faire ™ {solitudeiswhereyoufly} trust,an issue to be reckoned with ; says:
yes i am.
laisser'faire ™ {solitudeiswhereyoufly} trust,an issue to be reckoned with ; says:
hahaha
← jane → says:
btw u stArted tis
laisser'faire ™ {solitudeiswhereyoufly} trust,an issue to be reckoned with ; says:
yes i know
← jane → says:
dun point finger at me
laisser'faire ™ {solitudeiswhereyoufly} trust,an issue to be reckoned with ; says:
fine.
laisser'faire ™ {solitudeiswhereyoufly} trust,an issue to be reckoned with ; says:
i admit i started it.

yes i started it.haha.i readily admit but look at her frivolous attempt to outdo and outshine!i almost died of laughing. hahaha.alrightey.since she has kindly allow me (even if she dint allow,OOPS.i put it up already.) to embarass her on cyberspace, i shall be kindly and scan pictures for her.this is long overdued anyway cos of my hectic schedule. (be reminded i actually do not have school.nyehehe.) so yes,jane is pretty fun to talk to! because she talks alot of nonsense.haha.

i love the babe.haha.and i dint call ytd.probably today if im not overwhelmed with fatigue. and mind you, the fevers lingering in the air still.so yea,spread the lingering love you all=)!be back to blog more and put pictures! (been a long time since i did that.)

2006-02-24T17:14:00.000+08:00

Heres a Shoutout to Some Taggers,
herlena,dollface : i cannot see your tagboard tau emil.
Jirah and Saihah : i cannot see the anti-spam code,therefore i couldnt tag.why?

this obviously signals the ignition of tagboards against a technology loser like me.hyuk hyukk.

i simply cannot decipher my unfathomable state of mind.maybe its the fever. YES, ive been struck with the fever, i assume i got it from kidtoy. He is well enough to attend school today and in fact,he actually was smiling and joyous that he has recovered. Maybe its retribution,afterall,i dint speak too good of him yesterday. (quote '' ..the house is seemingly quiet without him making his annoying ruckus...'') now that must be it.me and jinxed mouth.

well,tomorrows outing is confirmed.yay.i hope i recuperate from this fever.its making me temperamental than ever, and i have yet to find a cake,for Azim.hmm.im definitely cranky now.anyway, i just talked to raudah and azim. the two idiots seem to think i have a thing for afiq.thats totally crazy. haha. maybe atiqah does have a thing ehh? -winks- hes afterall the HANDSOMEST according to atiqah. haha. alrightey.

anyway had an incredibly long chat with atiqah and afiq yesterday. so annoying these two people, i swear i can tear their heads off for annoying the shit out of me.haha.atiqah put down halfway so i was still yakking to afiq abt god knows what.hua hua huaa.afiq's an understanding guy and he differs from jerks that are out to brg down esteems of girls who are not attractive and their only life mission is to get into a pretty girl's panties. haha. okayy that sounded pretty funny.

he called me yesterday.we have such a platonic relationship that relies heavily on financial status. gosh. i dunt know how long am i going to last like this.it is especially fun but well,oh well.lets ponder abt this another day. im getting pretty frustrated with these.

i shall retire now.my heads throbbing like hell.cya all.spread the throbbing love. (ok,that sounds sick,but nevermind!)

2006-02-24T01:14:00.000+08:00

i officially have a sore throat.thank you Mr.Bacteria, Mrs.Virus and Mdm Fungi,but youre coming to my territory without invitation.please leave or my best friends,by the surname of Phagocytes (heard of it?yes.they destroyed your mothersfathersgrandies who unfortunately produced ur icky MUTATED selfs.),will come and harass you till you DIE.sheesh,nowadays,even fungi can grow in a human's eye,thru wearing of the lenses.my goodness.

what is the world coming to,with the mutations of so many virus,bacteria and fungi? the bird flu is posing a threat as a worldwide pandemic and then the newest,fungi eye infection.even our phagocytes are defeated. is this a sign that we will all cease to exist?ahh.i dont want to think of it that way.hmm.

today was another fruitless day,tiring nontheless.mum took up an order from her colleagues so i had to fry the chickens and do packing,but im pretty sure i'll be duly rewarded.nyehehe.-sinister grin- but amidst all the business and hustling around,i was online talking to people like, Azim Afiq and Jane.

i think this saturday's outing is on. hopefully my throat recuperates soon and i wont be struck with a fever,like poor kidtoy is down with.he is completely lifeless. and its abit of a good thing though.the house is seemingly quiet without his annoying ruckus he usually makes.ahh.Antibiotics and Paracetamol supply are coming in tomorrow, (my dad will make sure of it.)

anyway,after having sidetracked for abit i talked to the boys abt this sat's plans.and bla bla bla..now im waiting for both Atiqah and Afiq to call me.hmm.its a tad late i know.but theyre calling at 2?i dunno.haha.

and talking to jane was even more fruitless.ok correction: we dont talk.we NUDGE. (im still pretty excited over it by the way.hehe.its COOL how the screen wobbles around and make the sound it makes.haha.)

The Nudges (while uncovering minesweeper flags)

You have just sent a Nudge!

← ⓙ ⓐ ⓝ ⓔ → just sent you a Nudge!

You have just sent a Nudge!

You have just sent a Nudge!

← ⓙ ⓐ ⓝ ⓔ → just sent you a Nudge!

You have just sent a Nudge!

← ⓙ ⓐ ⓝ ⓔ → just sent you a Nudge!

You have just sent a Nudge!

← ⓙ ⓐ ⓝ ⓔ → just sent you a Nudge!

You have just sent a Nudge!

← ⓙ ⓐ ⓝ ⓔ → just sent you a Nudge!

You have just sent a Nudge!

actually,she sends more nudges than i do.just that i dunt copy-paste them.HAH. so as you can see,its a feud of Nudges.terribly lame and childish i know,i was just playing along.HAHA.right in your face Jane!nehh.

was suppose to call her but remember my sorethroat.so i think i'd call her the next day.so i can bombard her with loads of questions on aussie (ahh.)the place is love.haha.oh wells.i shall go get more songs for msSEXYnano. oohlala.

can someone kind and patient please tell me what the heck is PODCAST? haha.thats all for tonight . spread the sore love you all! (in lieu of my SORE THROAT.)and to jane,i only POKE.you SLAP me??SO HURT.THATS IT.

ps:ok im being truly whiney.its ONLY a sore throat.

pps:ok i changed my mind.

~~ps:ok im being truly whiney.its ONLY a sore throat.~~

ITS A FRICKIN ANNOYING IRRITATING SORE THROAT AND I DUNT LIKE IT.BOO.

2006-02-23T10:51:00.000+08:00

my temperament hasnt been good you know. especially with the cropping of these saturday's outing.its making me a tad miserable.ho wells.what can i say? im sick of being the planner.because im a horrible planner.HORRIBLE. okayy, i guess its obvious that im upset over other things. but lets just forget about it first yah?

anyway,im in love with a thing called australia!yay.that country is so Lush and Posh.i want to go there and stay there and have twirling fat pink babies to play with.its my ideal country,although its not really elite.ahh.

(c)franciscajanesetyapranata

look at that.oh my god,GORGEOUS. look at the nice bridge there.ahh.i can imagine myself sitting on the green grass patch and looking at the bridge with awe!haha. - frowns- why singapore doesnt have splendid bridges like that?
the benjamin sheares bridge collapses the last time i heard.gosh.im embarassed.NO WONDER jane doesnt want to stay here.haha.

(c)franciscajanesetyapranata

no,DONT look at the bridge now.the houses! look at the water.its so blue! (im really gushing btw) why singapores beaches the water so brown!why OH WHY. haha.eyy.im such an ungrateful ingrate.haha. can you imagine wat Mr Tharman Shamurgaratnam would say if he chances upon my blog?

Mr.TS: Ungrateful Ingrate! (picks his nose) this is what our years of Social Studies and Civics and Moral Education has done to her! disturbing!since shes been under OUR system for more than a decade! (rolls his gold into a ball.haha.) DAMN! (and he flicks his gold to a nearby lizard.)

hahaha.oh wells.no offence mr tharman.i was merely joking.anyway theres one more picture i wanna show. (yes,theres only one more because they are COPYRIGHTED of the icky picky jena.)

(c)franciscajanesetyapranata

this is the PARK.compare this to ECP.omygod. i can imagine my fat pink babies rolling all over the grasspatch and squealing like little bundles of joy.haha.well oh well.MY HEART is set.im going to Aussie for my HONEYMOON.

Will You MARRY Me??-smiles-haha.

so yes,i wanna migrate there soon.haha.but not too soon.i have yet to find a rich husband you know.haha. thank jane for the wonderful pictures please=).

and to my darling jane, sorry i dident call.and dont pretend ok jane.i slap ur face. WHAT DID I DO? now what did you do?!? -smokes out of my ears- POKE YOU.

apparently i fell asleep on the bed.so much for the alarm bell,haha. oh well.got to go get kidtoy ready for school!see you all later alligator.=)spread the wobbly love you all.

2006-02-22T17:23:00.000+08:00

yay,an outing is scheduled this saturday.for azim's birthday.yay yay! haha,im jumping around like a child who got candy.alright.so the people on this saturday's list would be,

Meeting Venue: Bedok Interchange,1.30 pm.YAY.
-Azim (the birthday boy)
-Afiq (my cacing.haha.)
-Atiqah
-Farhanah
-Ridhwan
-Khairi
-Raudah
-Aishah
-Zakiah
-Nasir
-Hafiz
-Azzah

im so going to give Hafiz a HUGE hug when i see him.its been forever.
anyway,jane is annoying the shit out of me.and i hafto go.

will do a nice entry later.tatas=).loves to all.lalala.

2006-02-21T23:50:00.000+08:00

BLUHH.

ahh.im very occupied these days.its annoying.and im getting tired.and i swear i want to have something to do. i want to go back to school.any kind of school,so i have something to do.i do realise this sort of brings about a certain contradiction.ok maybe a correction to my statement, im preoccupied with very boring mundane things actually. period.im getting to be very restless.

anybody catch yet another enthralling episode of Dia yesterday?MY GOODNESS.why in the world did they change Marcia?i want the original girl,shes much much prettier and convincing.the new Marcia is trying too hard to emulate the previous girl and i dont see it coming thru.in fact i find myself in twirls of frustration that each time when another person calls Marcia and when she turns around,i just cannot get it registered,that THATS Marcia as from today onwards.gosh.

sighh.enough of my incessant ramblings.anyway ive been trying to get Xbtps/tkps people together for a solid reunion but its so hard.i guess i'll take raudah's advice,lets go melayu first.hahaha.oh well,i even called Hafiz. i miss the boy so much!haha.alahh i miss everyone la basically.haha.

anyways ive got 30 people on my list (which is not bad,since im doing it ALONE.hints to Azim and Afiq,the two cacings who was suppose to be co-organizers too.seytans!) haha,and i dunt think i want to invite the invalids.they will probably mope around and do nothing.haha.im being mean again.haha.

well oh well,its always good to catch up with old friends,see how much we have changed since we last saw each other. haha.im looking forward to it.yays.

enough about it already.i just found out that someone actually committed suicide at the next block.my word. thats so psycho. and now i will constantly have jitters when i walk pass there.sighh.haha

i realised that throughout my TKGS life,ive made alot of stupid crappy associations.so heres an i-miss-you-all dedication to the people whom have nicely agreed(or not,i forced them.haha) to be part of my crappy associations in tkgs.

Bratz Club(current)/Le'Pastriez(still fallin back)/Macdonalds Club (was a memory.) - smiles-

jane//cool currypuff,Mcfry,cousin of Mcfly
wanyun//whiney croissant,wainpot
melly//childish logcake,Mckoo(haha.)
val//strawberry shortcake
dixie//muff junior
jodd//bushy muffin, Mcflirty (hah!)

haha,is rongzhen and syaz in our bratz collection? hmm.haha.

anyways,even if they werent,they made our ONE outing together very enjoyable.
ok maybe to me at least.melly might not agree.haha.

oh wells.i wished i had more zest in this entry and would be able to put in pictures for each of em.
unfortunately,im having a mood swing now and all i feel like doing is sleeping and not waking up again.

well oh well.i guess i better go.have a good night u all.spread the BLUHH love around.

What's a girl like me to do When she don't get a thing from you I wanna go where you're going to Have to do what you have to do What's a girl supposed to try When all you do is criticise Pretty soon you'll realise I can see it, I can see it in a boy's eyes see it in a boy's, see it in a boy's eyes...

2006-02-20T10:01:00.000+08:00

somebody,get me a photoshop program or something.urghh.my free trial has JUST expired.that is annoying. somehow,ive got more reasons to be annoyed these days.lets just blame it on the formidable circumstances. hmm.

ive got this annoying feeling that i will NOT be posted to tpjc and im half annoyed,half okayy with it? when i think abt the Temasek Poly Campus. hmm,i want myself there!and i dont like the fact that in TPJC i will be lagging for 3 months (or more) and that i'd be in a constant hurry to do things and its back to square one again,only this time its even faster, because alevels are next year?YES.now ive this constant indignation over my choice of path and now i dunt feel very hyped about going to school.lets just say,the holidays are ending and im panicking as i did not subscribe myself to a 3 months course. (but how was i going to go for 3 months,if i scored a 37?)

ahh i simply do not know what to do.i hope i can catch up and stay commited to the tpjc regime. i havent even pondered on the kind of subjects i will be taking.but i do realise i need to work extra hard man. (and im simply not catered for hard work.) but i must try. i can make a good motivator dunt i? haha.

okayy,lets not panic yet.(im ~~very~~ good at this) lets just sit back and relax and wait for the postings to come out.and im disappointed to say that the postings result are frightfully late.and the later it is,the more i wont feel like going back to school.i heard its the 3rd of March?gosh,i simply have no idea.

2006's rollin and i better do something about it.you know,make the most out of it?hmm.HAHA.

and to Jenabb, I dont call you for nothin ok, i dont call to COMPLAIN COMPLAIN COMPLAIN.
youre a friggot liar.(what the hell is a friggot?)but i love you anyways.HAH.out of the goodness of my heart, im painstakingly harnessing the pictures i want you to see.(seems like its a favor to me.nonono)

and people,ignore the photo in the yearbook.that is NOT me,i swear.hahaha.

ok cut the crap,ive got to go cut some slack.

BLUHH.spread the cherry werry love you all.
take care.haf a nice day.

2006-02-19T20:31:00.000+08:00

i do not usually put lyrics on my blog because i always thought they were a waste of bandwidth.but i had to put this one because it is so nice and i am feeling so emotional now, (blame it on my haywired hormones) haha. its a song sang by celine dion and mariah carey while they were still quite young.its so romantic and because i have this sentimentalist characteristic in me,its not that hard for me to preidentify with the song despite it being sorta old. all the sensitive people out there,share my sentiments.=)haha.

I Still Believe

No, oh No.... Yeah, Yeah ... oh..

You look in my eyes and I get emotional inside

I know it’s crazy, but you still can touch my heart

And after all this time you think that I wouldn’t feel the same

But time melts into nothing, and nothings changed

I still believe

Someday you and me

Will find ourselves

In love again

I had a dream

Someday you and me

Will find ourselves

In love again

Each day of my life, I’m filled with all the joy I could find

You know that I,I'm not the desperate type

If there’s one spark of hope left in my grasp, I'd hold it with both hands

It’s worth the risk of burning, to have a second chance

No, no, no, no, no, no, I need you, baby

I still believe that we can be together, no…

If we believe that true love never has to end

Then we must know that we will love again, Mmm..

I still believe

Someday you and me

Will find ourselvesIn love again (Oh, baby, yeah)

I had a dream

You and me

Will find ourselves

In love again

I still believe (Ooh, baby, I do)

Someday you and me (Just give me one more try)

In love again

I had a dream (I miss your love)

Someday you and me

Will find ourselves

In love again

I still believe (Yeah, I still believe)

Someday you and me (Baby, yeah)

(c)sing365.com

nice right?oh wells,im feeling very melty(if theres ever such a word.)and because im feeling so melty, i shall go and do a melty template.okayy maybe no,i just want a change of template.haha.take care everybody. spread the melting love.heh.

ps:thanks for the ice cream anyway.i appreciate it.

ahh.im still in love with the crown necklace.wee.

BLING BLING.haha.

2006-02-19T04:35:00.000+08:00

its 4.35 am in the morning.and i just woke up to two irritating things in my ears. woke up in fright and amazement, expectin to be in some twilight zone BUT it turns out to be only my iPod.-....- so annoying! anyway, Kharil Yusof is online, not that its a big deal but he is like a celebrity by all standards,and he makes alot of girls go GAGA also.unfortunately i dont go GAGA haha.good things always happen to people who have the least expectations of things.as in,totally.like standing next to fauzie laily and syed azmir,AND COMPLETELY IGNORING THEM. now, thats pure stupidity.poke me,somebody!

went shopping today.went to get a pair of jeans,black skirt,some white top,glitzy belt (i have a thing for them now.), pink shades (what melly would call a coolies shade?ahaha.),stussy shirt( with the label,knowledge is power!),screen for my iPod and by then,i was running out of cash.so do you all remember the crown necklace i wanted,you know the pink one?well,he got it for me today.HAHA.it was $19.okayy,THANK YOU. (i can never sound completely grateful.haha.)

met ma and pa at Mustafa Centre.and that was my first trip there.and i do not like it one bit.that place makes me giddy,so many different smells.yikes.but im surprised they have sections of Adidas,Converse and Nike. and they have on display the one thing i want,SONY VAIO.

you know what pa said, ''how come you want iPod Nano? i wanted to buy for you this one lar,you dont want. ahh nevermind,save money.haha.''

can somebody please knock my head 32490590 times?argh.im in awe of my own stupidity.but i was just being considerate really.(WRONG TIMING.)ok,to avoid further heartaches,lets just deviate from this topic completely.

ahh,then had the usual dinner at Changi Village.The food there is simply scrumptious. and oh,met uncle and aunty also.had quite a bit of a conversation.they are all coming over today.god.when all i want to do is sleep in.ok fine, dont be mean.they are my cousins anyway.

wan went to Temasek's Smash concert.so fun.haha.according to him.well,im having mixed feelings about him growing up so fast.Sec3 already,and he is getting to be quite vain actually.haha.well,and the voice change is really obvious.ahh.hahaha.

ma and me are the only esctatic ones about the chalet in june.so i guess theres a 70% chance of it happening.so we'll see what happens next.anyway we want 2 cakes.haha.and pa can only shake his head in annoyance.haha.he calls it

irrelevant.well i call it,splendour!-smiles-

well.i feel a tad sleepy.i wanna get back to bed.yawns.guests(geeses,No?) coming over soon.and i have to go buy food for them also.so yarr,take care all.spread the love yeah.

ps:tagboards just dont like me.FINE.be that way.

numb.

2006-02-18T12:13:00.000+08:00

it is good knowing that my entries have attracted unwanted responses that are meant to bring me down,time and time again,you know why its good?because i can snoot and give the ''elite laugh off'' to them.haha.as usual i am sprouting nonsensical shit.anyway,since the dynamics of this blog is getting sort of negative,so as usual, i will have to explain myself.you might ask why the heck would i bother? well,besides filling up space,it gives everyone else something to read.haha

hoo-haas over the Elitist thing again.haha.as expected. so lets recall to the description i gave to the right there, ''aspires to be Elitist.''

Elitist/Elitism/Elite
1.The belief that certain persons or members of certain classes or groups deserve favored treatment by virtue of their perceived superiority, as in intellect, social status, or financial resources. (c)dictionary.com

now lets look at the word ''Aspire''

Aspire/Aspiring/Aspires
1.To have a great ambition or ultimate goal; desire strongly: aspired to stardom.
2.To strive toward an end: aspiring to great knowledge.
3.To soar. (c)dictionary.com

so what was i trying to say?
i want to have
-intellect or
-social status or
-financial resources

or all of the above.

and that is my ultimate goal,if possible.
and that is my ambition.
and that is my desire.

my point is,so many other people aspires to be elite in 1 of the 3 ways,so why do you have to hit on me? what sets me apart from so many other people is that i say it out loud.i want to be that,yes I WANT. whats wrong with being a wannabe? my perspective is,from a wannabe,if you strive hard enough,you will soar.

and why do i say it out loud? to get ur undying attention,yes? NO.your attention is not what im dying for, thank you very much, its just something said aloud and i know,when i put that down,i am going to attract all the cynics that do not believe or have faith in me (now,do you recall me saying that?yes,its on the right column again.) and that is the kind of drive i need to pursue something i want in the long run.does it not make sense?

i am not like some of you out there,who can go to sleep everyday and mumble to urselfs ''i can do it,i will be that...'' and tomorrow set out to do it, i tried but the next morning i have already forgotten what i aspire to be.since my blog is something i visit every single day,it keeps me sort of reminded, of what i want,and i will try to do it. does that not make sense again?

and to further explain my stand to aspire to be elitist,

society does not give a hoot about you unless you are a somebody, you are a person with money and you have attained the highest level of those crap qualifications papers. you see,thats a norm,thats a thinking that will never change in my prediction,for another 100 years.and i come from a decent family,so money is well, not that hard to come by,just that i want more.

afterall,man has never been contented with what he has.

i am only heading for 17 and when freedom is finally granted i want to have a really good life as an elite member of the society to have people not trample on me just like what they have been doing now.so i have reasons for aspiring to be elitist,not just a random wannabe thing,you know like ''OH.i wanna be elitist because thats so cool.'' no,it doesnt work that way for me.

i am aspiring to be something,that everybody else wants to be,so i dont see it as something wrong.
and if you think it is still wrong,well what can i say,you cannot please everybody, so, to each his own.

that aside...

as usual,every friday is when i talk to to jane.but today,i am going to start with something special,

OOH.

hahaha.its an inside joke actually,right jane? -winks- anyway we were discussing about her coming back anytime soon,and she says it might be april.i think im having a birthday party in june and can she come back in june? no,she can't and she requested that maybe i should make an early birthday party in april.

she was serious.so was i.so i said ''yarr maybe i should...'' untill she started laughing and i went ''WHAT?'' and she started telling me to imagine blowing candles getting presents and giving invites in april when everybody knows it is in june?HAHA.and we started to laugh and go hysterics.

and she suggested december,and we burst into yet another hysteric.hahaha.well,talkin to jane is a tad fun.

speakin of talkin overseas, my bill came yesterday.its $74.90. phew.the call i made to aussie was only 10 pluss. thankgoodness man.haha.so i went to check out the rates for overseas calls.

singtel idd 019, after 9pm,is 28cents/min
since its house phone in aussie,its 16 cents/min

yay,so i shall activate the house phone today.haha.
that will save me money.

and to everyone out there who makes overseas calls,DUNT USE SUNPAGE.omg.
its the most expensive card known,man.ShEESh.heed my advice.haha.

ure better off with starhub and m1.
okayys,yours truly is going out to shop,shop,shop!
see you all soon.

spread the love you all.

ps:bratz club girls,can we go camping when jane comes back?PRETTY PLEASE.haha.

2006-02-17T02:10:00.000+08:00

i always feel the need to justify myself whenever i do something.and i feel that ive been denied basic rights as a unique individual.do you get what i mean?like i cannot scoot away from a particular scene and haf everybody saying,''oh she did that?big deal.'' but instead,i always have to deal with questions like ''mygod,do you honestly think you can make it?'' this is the root of my annoyance today.

so because im a very diplomatic person,i shall painstakingly take time to explain myself so that people like you, (who think youre oh-so-perfect) will understand the not perfect me,perfectly and in time you will learn to shut up and stop buggin me with questions in hopes of bringing me down.

i admit,the reason why i never wanted to tell anyone was because i was afraid of mockery,but i went ahead with it anyway,in the name of fun and experience.never did it occur in my mind,that im going for grateness or fame or wtv you think im going for.and it occured to me that people like you are just plain cynical.especially since you never talked to me proper for 2 years.ive dis very good feeling this is just a way to get material for YOUR gossip column.

so you think im a wasted effort and you expect me to be utterly disappointed,haha,well you got the wrong thing going.and i hope you can established your profound self in a much better way than i did.thank you very much. i knew i put myself out there and took the risk of being ridiculed,but despite people like you around im glad to say there are others who honestly believe in me.so yea,screw you.it wasnt a big deal,dont make it out to be one.you should do something more constructive with ur extra time=).cheerios.

ahh.another thing to deal with.abt the ''im an Elitist by nature,i do not date school dropouts.'' oh my god. who says i was referrin to school retainees and school rebels alike?can you all read properly before jumping into ur own measly conclusions and then giving me a huge thumping on the back?so sickening.okayy, for the record,i dont like school dropouts.especially secondary school dropouts.call me arrogant,but their english is the very epitome of idiocy.
i'll make exceptions for dropouts that can converse in decent english.

meanwhile i have examples to show you,that turned me off completely. my mutual buddies might know.haha. he/she is a sec1 school dropout,normal technical.and today,he/she is 19.

example 1: u tk cre n go n slip.

there you go.HAPPY ARH device new shortforms for take care.and whats more, go n slip! SLP is understandable by any standard,but slip??are you ill wishing me?you are asking me to take care and go and slip,as in fall down?? and by the way,its go TO sleep,the grammars all wrong.this kinda msg is enough to send me screaming to the nearest nunnery!urgh.

example 2: der wuz dis girl she go n stair at mi.

i wanted to chop off my head when i read this.the message is conveyed but look at the spelling errors.and i bet he/she did not think of it as a spelling error as it was repetitive throughout her/his message when i asked to elaborate about the ''stairing incident''. its STARE.not stair love,staircases are the things you climb to get to storey 2 of a hdb apartment.yes.STARE.and i find the message disgusting.dont you?

example 3(the last example,as im too ... already.): its nots tat.mi ma tek all mi marney n tol mi 2 gt los. haii,im sad nw.i dun now wat to do. i feel to kill misef.ken u len mi fity dolar?

faints.if cambridge had a new olevel syllabus called ''SHORTFORM WRITING'' this person,is going to fail. its NOTS that.ahh.nice. ''mi ma tek all mi marney'' i thought it was written is spanish perhaps, and it took me awhile to figure out that his/her mum TAKE all his/her money.and i dun NOW what to do.okayy,typical,dunno what to do,get lost,lets forgive him/her for this mistake,as he/she is depressed at the moment.

now he/she FEEL TO KILL MISEF.can we forgive him/her dis time people!!? * a unison.NOOOO.* and right then, i cannot feel sympathetic anymore,im just annoyed and so fuckin disgusted.urghh. and what makes you think im going to lend you FITY dollars after that?GO AWAY.

so now,see what i mean?see why i discriminate?because their english can make me roll on the road and get squashed by a dungtruck and die on the spot,i swear!so yupp,i have nothing against school rebels and retainees but i definitely have dis thing against school dropouts.i pride myself in decent english,so i cannot tolerate a lower level of english than mine,and that to me is highly understandable.

after explaining for abit,im getting a tad lazy. so i shud sleep now and not slip.HAHA. -evil grins-
so take care you all,dun FEEL TO KILL urselfs.WAHAHA.

2006-02-16T10:52:00.000+08:00

right.some mediacorp guy called me up yesterday night saying that he thought i had potential and would i like to enrol in his company of talented people for 600 dollars?i might turn out to be a comedian or a recording artist or maybe an actress or a host.my answer to him was,FARK NO.if you actually saw potential,why did you not let me in the second round?dats annoying.

haha,ok i sound a tad bitter,but i do realise,im not ready yet.the participants for sgidol were profound backup singers and those with vocal backgrounds.i had neither.haha.so maybe the next idol?maybe yes?haha.we'll see.for now,whichever institute accept me,i must study really hard. because daddy already say im not sending you to an overseas uni,so you better get a place in the local one.SIGH.there goes my hopes of an australian education or a canadian one.

anyway top model yesterday,i think kim is out next.dis is annoying.im getting plain attached to the girls on tv and dey HAVE TO GO.thats annoying.and kim is my favourite.haha.when she acted on veronica mars,i was so annoyed by the girl she was acting with.haha.what shit.

anyway i love PAMMIE.haha,im thinking some malay name she wants to go by with.haha. she actually wanted fatimah?so obit la pam!you are just MINAH.hahaha.i swear Pam is the best socialite not to mention elite,people i actually met on sgidol.we were yakking away like we knew each other for years!haha.when we met for a frickin five minutes.HAH.i love pam.did i not say that time and time again?haha.

alright,jirah's evoking somemore thought on a poly education.ARGH.this is annoying. (see jirah!haha.) ok now i half wish that tpjc wud reject me and tp will take me in.okayy lets just say whichever takes me in,im contented.sighh.

i have to go send kidtoy to school later and take an home also.and prolly dropping by interchange to get ipod a rubber cover(before more scratches decides to appear and make me MORE annoyed.)hmm.

I keep asking myself, wondering how
I keep closing my eyes but I can't block you out
Wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me
Nobody else so we can be free

been thinking alot abt it.this is no way to go about life.
your sudden appearance in my life is making me breathless.but im asking you to leave.
leave now before i change my mind.

read this.
i am an Elitist by nature,i dont go out with school dropouts,understood?

allright.ive got to go cut some slack.spread the love ~~not to school dropouts~~ you all!

[haha,~~what a stupid~~ bitch i am,not to mention ~~discriminating~~ too!and im getting abit ~~obsessed~~ with this ~~strikeout~~ thing.im NOT slow ok for not knowing the code,im just obsolete thats all.hahah.SLOW is a word for laggin intellect and i shall not have that thrown at me.HAH.ok take care.]

2006-02-15T16:56:00.000+08:00

i saw something rather stupid in quizgalaxy.haha.so me being so utterly bored (in fact,im yearning for sleep now), did the quiz.

How will i be defined in the dictionary?

nadira --
[noun]:

A person who is constantly high

'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

thats so stupid.anyway,i cannot seem to reply any of the tags.sighh.i shall like wait till later.haha.oh yawnz. now i have mixed feelings about being a part of tpjc.seems like im abit fickle.but i ve already stated clearly,my first choice, tpjc.i wonder if i will live to regret it or something.now thats scary.we'll talk about my expectations of myself when the postings are out.yupp.for now,i cannot be bothered.im still having a holiday.haha.

went to fetch ekhsan from school today,hes sick.so irritating,i have towake up so early to take him home.must why he forget about going to school this morning man.sighh.i want to sleep.well.lifes getting a tad better.and i can see myself striking things from my wishlist very,very soon!this is completely exciting.especially since i just learnt how to ~~strike out~~.ahaha.

i shall blog more later.i need to sleep.take care all.spread the love!

2006-02-14T23:40:00.000+08:00

another childish template because im so bored and ive always wanted a bratz template and couldnt find any nice ones on the net.haha.oh wells.bratz still rules,even at my age.lalala.i love bratz.

Ili Diyana just gave me some hope into getting into tpjc.she says when i opt for mlep (malay elective programme) i can minus 2 more. so 17-2=15? yay.it increases my chances by a tiny margin.hahaha.i feel good abt it though theres a fricking possibility that i might still end up in tp.temasek poly.

then i will start worrying abt clothes.

about cost

about people.

haha.just look at my insecurities!sighh.sometimes i think im better off hidden in a tortoise shell. i dont know why the sudden decision for tpjc.i mean.jane mentioned why i changed my mind in such a short period of time especially since i was seriously hoping and even at one time fell in love with Temasek Poly.so yupp.

-pauses-

OH.PAMMIE JUST CAME ONLINE.and she had to go.sighh.i miss pammie!look what she sayd.

laisser'faire ft.v2 Gucci Rush 2 revelations ; says:
wo ai ni arh!
laisser'faire ft.v2 Gucci Rush 2 revelations ; says:
haha
The Desperate Houseflies // Pammie . I love V. Day. Cos Vesak Day's a holiday. OK !!! says:
LOL
The Desperate Houseflies // Pammie . I love V. Day. Cos Vesak Day's a holiday. OK !!! says:
aku cinta kau !

can somebody tell me why i love pammie like want to ''mampos'' liddat?

mampos is pam's favourite word.haha.and i dint get a picture with pammie!

ok minah,im linking you,better link me back.haha.wtf,shes so funny.

would like to catch up with her someday.everybody would love pammie.

oh wells.today went out with you.hmm.youre my ticket to instant taitaitification im very sure of it.

yet the principle is so wrong.haha.hmm.had the usual dinner at seoul garden and went to esplanade.sit near the bridge ate ice cream,and life was bliss.yupp.

and im sorry since i pulled away.the thought of hearts being entwined makes me sick.i know im not ready.

i know i aint.so whats the use of reaching out when im fond of someone else already?

sighh.besides that,someones being a bastard at home.and im smilin.

spread the love you all.will write again soon.

im linking pammie now.

and to jane,haha,as you can see ure so NOT my date.

so the air's cleared.im so NOT gay.lol

nights.

2006-02-14T03:36:00.000+08:00

im a cynic when it comes to love.i only am able to express love in the general kinda way.like love is for friends family and all.but love is definitely not for a particular someone.theres no way i would ''love'' anyone truly wholy because ive never known the actual meaning of love.all i knew was,i was fond of him/her.so yes.todays valentine and i dont celebrate it (but presents are welcomed,thank you very much.),because according to dad,todays the day the prophet was like dying or sth of the sort?i duno but i know i shouldnt be disrespectful.ok,i dunt exactly like talking abt religious stuff.first of all,it bores you,last of all,i dont know much.

but one things for sure,my date for today is Jane.haha.god knows how much i love that bestie of mine.

me:oh ANYWAY jane,i love you.
jane:i know.ive heard it so many times already.

hahaha.oh oh,dis is a (false) indication that shes sick of me telling her that.haha.ive got this very weird feeling that we are going to stay friends for always.awww.always=when i age and look like prunes.no,when we both age and she looks like a prune.all wrinkled up!haha.anyway enough abt bestie.

i have 2 things that im absolutely worried about.
1.my whopping bill.
2.appearing silly on tv.

gosh.im just so frickin worried.i checked this months balance,it was 120.
i hope mines like 60 and ma's is 60 too.
sigh then i would have to worry abt the next months bill.because i made like a 30 mins call to aussie
in the school hall after results.=

ahh.no regrets.just that mom made such a heart stomping decision to quit her job. and i dunt think dad will welcome anymore of my nonsensical financial hindrance to the family.damn!

im so frickin worried.maybe i should stash the bill away and raise funds to pay for it.sighh.
about appearing silly on teevee,well i dunt know.i lost my voice,as many have already known,so i appeared
abit like silent whisper.haha.nevermind.im more worried abt the bill man.sighh.

im absolutely head over heels in love with my black 4gig nano.
its probably the nicest thing ive ever had.and not to mention tiny winy too.

speaking of whiny,i miss wanyun!dats a random statement but i miss her random msgs that goes on the lines of

''wanna join me at town?be there in 1 hr.im already there.hahaz''

HAHA.i miss her.talked to her for quite abit also,nothing much said but it was nice talking to you my lovable whinywainpot.and we were kawaii for awhile also while msging.until she found it too hard to message that way, and decided to say ''lazy play with you laa.'' haha.

oh god,now im missing tk.haha.and all of the people in it.hahaha.
goodday to all.pray for me yea?spread the love.

2006-02-12T14:59:00.000+08:00

HELLO.im back and well again.guess where i went these two days?HAHA.as most have already known, Singapore Idol Auditions.Anyway queueing began at 8 BUT when i came at 8 on eleven feb,THE PLACE WAS packed laa. had dixie val and melly with me.wasnt so bad.but i only got to register at 8 pm? so yes.i was wearied angry tired sticky. it was SUNNY like totally.hahaha.was interviewed by alot of people,dunno wat also and also did a commercial with gurmit.half way thru the day wanted to give up already.haha,dident though,and i knew my heart wasnt on this audition thing.haha.

then today was auditions day.dident wanna go.voice wasnt there,energy level gone and everything else went with it.haha.so yarr made myself present only.and met good friends like Pammie the minah (gosh i love the gurl) crystal the so power voice.my god.basically the people there all can sing very very well.and some of my friends are like 30 plus laa.haha.went with meilinda today.auditions was sorta a cheat,because you meet the producers instead of the judges and they will decide if you'll make good tv.yupp.i was so damn nervous and i think i sorta overdo it. and made myself look silly.haha.oh gosh,pammie made it laa.she is so good,pam pam pam!i love pam.haha.so yeap.i did not make it.

haha,part of me is disappointed because,it was really easy to get in.seriously.and i knew my vocals could have made it at least to the first round if only i had not been nervous.it takes your perseverance and commitment to be on idol actually.haha.the producers actually asked me if i wanted to dance?haha.problem laa.so yupp i just hope they dont broadcast my auditions to be the funny2 one because that would utterly disgrace me from top to bottom.hahaha.
and if you see any interview with me on it,trust me,its NOT me.hahaha.

ANYWAY,even though im a wee disappointed,im NO LONGER disappointed,because i finally got my black ipod nano!haha.it cost a whopping $420.haha.its 4gig too.yays.so yupp,im as fine as a fiddle and im off now to apply for tpjc. haha.and temasek poly lalalala.haha.im off to hibernation.soOoO tired.haha.

to jane,YES,you said it,and i know you dunt remember laa.so obvious.i very detailed wat ryt?
haha.and dont worry,i shall call you by friday when i get a calling card.yay.

loves to everyone=).

2006-02-10T22:48:00.000+08:00

although im so wearied with fatigue,this day shall not be left unsaid.finally,the long wait is over.before i start my very very personal story here,i would like to apologise for the previous two (obviously mad,incoherent, immature) entries i made here.that was NOT suppose to happen.and also,if you do not wanna read my long story,please leave, youre of no importance to me and i never force anyone to read.this is going to be incredibly long and emotional and i only post this up here because like i said,today cannot and shall not be left unsaid.do not say i did not warn you.

i was so worried,passing rate for maths 96.4%,combined science scarier,89%.gosh.i was at lost.i was going to cry. i mean,who else would fail these two subjects but me?

THE STORY
lets start from the top.

I got posted into tkgs a young green (no pun intended) girl,with no idea whatsoever of how it is going to be like.in my mind,im here, because im smart.and i am going to do well study and do whatever is ideal and will please my parents. in secondary one,i was still ok, academically,i wasnt anywhere near the bottom,neither was i anywhere near the top. i was average.it frustrates me at times but i knew tkgs wasnt meant to be easy.especially since i came in with a borderline aggregade score.

in secondary two,i looked for social acceptance, i was sick of being somewhat average and not liked by my own classmates. shortening of skirts putting on eyeliner, and trying to claim im SOMEWHAT different. controversy,you can say i was dying for attention,and i would go all the way to get it.i began to get distracted,not caring much about school work.as a result,i was posted to 3e9, and since the stigma has always been there, i shall honestly say, 3e9 is the wildest class around. the girls who dont give a damn abt schoolwork,abt anything,was supposedly have to come from there.but that,is not true.

in secondary 3,i was proud to be in 3e9 because i knew people now had some form of ''respect'' towards me, because im in a notorious class and it was somewhat ''cool'' to not give a damn abt schoolwork.actually,at some point i wanted to prove that 3e9 can do well,we are not failures.we can be winners,but i landed myself in a serious offence which prove to be a blessing in disguise.

the impact of my own actions shocked me, my friends moved away from me, they do not like me because im the thief, im an offender and at one point i was even sort of accuse of stealing shona's ten dollars but i knew i had to bear with it,because a thief will always be a thief,thats to the eyes of the masses.i had great support from JANE especially, UN and RAIDAH.these are the people who guided me along the way,when i was led astray.

getting up again wasnt easy i tell you.my grades were bottompitt, i know some teachers think i was useless. and i always think myself as useless. i was lagging in schoolwork and by the end of sec 3,i was ALMOST retained.by god's blessing and a little bit of effort on my part because i was determined to NOT get retained,i pass 4 subjects. CH,ENG,MALAY and LITERATURE.and so my sciences and maths were all downhill.but i was relieved anyway, i moved up to sec 4.

in sec 4,my last year in tk,theres no,i study hard bullshit,although this is the year that everybody works hard for, i was still procrastinating away and the 2nd term l1r5 for me? a huge 37. yes that was how bad it was.i was noisily sobbing away on the phone with jane and telling her that i will never make it for olevels.i will never get below twenty.i shall end up somewhere i dont wanna be.and JANE,being the sweetheart she is, '' heyy dont cry.i will help you.we can study together on my non-trg days.we can.heyy dont cry.omg pls dont.'' it was magical. that instantly lift my spirits up and i believed i could do it,if i put in effort.

NO.it still wasnt as easy as you think it is.even with janes help,i still scored so bad for l1r5 everytime.probably what kept me going is because, jane keeps saying ''Dont focus on your l1r5.focus on your individuals subject,must improve first.'' and i was already o nthe verge on surrendering but i still slog on whenever possible.yes. i had trouble with maths and science.these were the killers.for me.

this is no fairytale ending.by prelims,nothing magical happened too.i studied hard.i gave it my half-all, (see how unfocus i am) and i emerge with an l1r5 of...

37!

even with moderation,the best i could manage was 30.

can you get the picture?

by now,i see it in your heads,

''WAH DIS ONE CONFIRM CANNOT MAKE IT ONE LA.MIGHT AS WELL JUST GIVE UP.''

can you see how many detractors i had?by then,everyone thought i had no hope, i can see it in everyones eyes. when i ask questions to my friends some thought i was too silly,too hopeless and they refused to entertain.and i would go home,feeling so down and whining to jane ''HONESTLY speaking,do you think im hopeless?''

and jane replied, ''just keep on studying laa,pls lo,its not even olevels yet can?''

i see the logic.she doesnt make me feel hopeless,this girl.and that really touches me.and everytime i ask, she will give me the same answer.yes.i studied.harder.and with abit of luck (10%),lots of hardwork(3/4 of my all.HAH.) and god willing,i was able to do my olevels.although it never went smoothly for biology,i never regretted taking the subject, it was fun while it lasted.

and yes,today,after minusing points and all that,plus not counting biology in my results,my l1r5 is

17.now,i dont expect anyone to be amazed at this feud,but think again, from a 37 to 17? thats a leap of 20 points. and you can guess im very happy now.in fact,im beyond elation.

and that,is me,for 4 years of slack'n'work for you.=)so for those who had your results today, i am really happy for all of you,appreciate what youve got ya?im a dancing leave.

CREDITS

my credits will go out mostly to Jane Raidah and UN + Bratz and all the teachers who had faith with the hopeless like me.=).ahh.

but specially for Jane.

you dingbat!im sure you love it when im going to praise you for the world to see.HAHA.anyway my dearest lovable darling in the whole wide world,you have been such a practical person who gives practical advices.therefore i love you,so so much.really.i dunt know how i could have done without you, and thanks for coaching me till 6 everyday when you still had the time.(disrupting ur sleep,i know.teehee) and yes jane,no amt of gratitude can be said.it will take forever.oh god.thanks for giving me JANE as a friend.jane,youre a godsent!=)i love you.

but im still confused.IM STILL ANGRY with you moron. for scoring an A2 in higher malay.and i got the same grade.

this is demoralising.IM DEPRESSED.gosh.go dunk your head in the bin will you?sheesh.

BUT.even when youre moronic.

I LOVE YOU.

off to sleep soon.big day tomorrow.thanks everyone.believe in yourself,no matter how hopeless you are=),like me. i love each and everyone of you( SEE JANE,YOU NOT SPECIAL READY.HAH.NO EGO ARH.hehe.) and i wish everyone the best in life.spread the love you all.=)

2006-02-10T10:16:00.000+08:00

somebody KILL me.NOW.

its 10.17 am and you bet ok,YOU BET,tension and stress is brewing and boiling and toiling over like stew. what am i talking abt??i feel like yanking my hair off in total frustration and just be bald.i like that.i like being bald.ARGH.

can you see,its all kicking in!i feel so morose.and anybody whos awake right now,dont tell me ure depressed because you'll make me depressed with ur depressed selfs.we must stop the depression pandemic.OMG WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT??!i wanna scream already.

feel happy everybody,dat im the likely one to screw up.because ive always screwed up,therefore i will screw up today.ARGH.think positive.think think THINK.okayy.dunt panic!-breathe in...breathe out...- NO NO NO NO NO.

it cannot be today.it just can't be.oh somebody shut me up.

see all of you depressants later.and guess what,im depressed already thinking of ur depressed selfs.

AHHHH.im spewing nonsense.i shall stop it NOW.

2006-02-10T04:32:00.000+08:00

DONT TALK TO ME.

i am officially a wreck.its 4.32 am,Friday 10th February 2006.i am slogging down ice lemon tea and frivalously scribbling illegible stuff on a POSB notebook.i also have with me,my sailormoon blankie which keeps me warm. theres no strong urge to sleep like i always have had,and i am like so worried now. the strings are tugging at my heart and i need all the luck that i can get.

today,i am very cranky and my brothers had to suffer for it.i was hollering my head off at them for making a tiny mess and i realised,im not angry abt their mess.im worried and filled with angst as to what to expect today.either i screw up my monotonous future or i did ok,and can move on to another stage of education.god knows how worried i am today.and this is making me bitter now.

doubled with my pms mode, you can expect me to turn violent anytime now.however i do understand there is no room for anymore regrets.i dig my own grave,i shall rest in it today.or put it another way,i saved money, and today ican enjoy my fruits of labour.i hope the latter does not describe the scenarion today.

i even smsed pa to say im very worried and he told me not to.he clearly doesnt understand.the outcome today will spell it all out to him,and he will fully understand that this is no frickin psle.i even played pool with mas just now and as much as im irritated with mas (for worrying abt her results), i know she has the right to be worried too.i even talked to kd for an hr. i even talked to rafiqqa.but the feeling is still intact,i have this huge substance in the cavity of my heart, going to gush out anytime.its the same feeling you have when you are abt to go on a rollercoaster or on a viking ship.but the annoying thing is,mine just wouldent go away.

i should sleep now.i really should.im a wreck and i need a rest,afterall,i cannot be more worst off than to appear with distinctive eyebags in the school hall.

distinctive/distinction/any?

oh shut up already.goodnite you all.spread the love.

2006-02-09T14:59:00.000+08:00

this is nerve-racking,just got off the phone with Kaydee.and we are seriously torn over what to expect tomorrow. are we going to do okayy?i cannot even get over the fact that they are realeasing it tomorrow.and we are both struggling to come to terms that we are going to see mrs liew giving that pull-the-life-out-of-me-slowly voice. and we have to count it ourselves.thats really bad.i see doom looming ahead.parents are like nonchalant abt it.like OH.brg it back and let me see,and we shall apply to temasek poly together.can i even get in?

this clearly shows my lack of confidence.kayd and me were even talking abt miraculous stories abt certain personalities in school that managed to scrape thru with what we consider good results and tried to feel inspired and think postive.i certainly hope im a miracle story too.gosh.

and we decided that if we get 20 or more, we are going to be stones.
if we get less than 20, we are dancing leaves.

its nerve racking really.i shall just not think abt it again.and face it.gosh.

OK.enough of my incessant ramblings for FRIDAY,tomorrow,doomsday.
all right.shall go play games now.tatas.

2006-02-08T02:28:00.000+08:00

mum actually cooked bryani rice today.how nice.she fried wings, bryani mutton and some acar,which aint exactly a nice thing to eat,but i know its sort of nice to go with the whole regime of a complete Nasi Bryani.Naturally kidtoy was very happy today.no surprise.haha.the weathers making me feel a tad cranky.one moment,ooh its raining (mental note to self: rain=sleep=cold=nice) then another time its fine enough for barbequed hotdog although i have this strange feeling that we are the bbq-ed hotdogs.

Anyway,the Dove new range of shampoo is moisturising and smells like heaven.BUT.all the moisture weighs the hair down actually.so i dunno,i think i'd give it 7 outta 10?im still in an inspirationaless mood actually.and ohh.i tried on tk uniform today.it still fits!HURRAH.

talked to melly xie and val.OH.kidtoy insisted that Valerie is Beverly.haha.and val says Nvm La,Still Sound Like My Name.haha.keeps asking for jane also.i think he misses having intellectual conversations with jane.haha.anyway played a whole lot of minesweeper with various people.and im digressing.haha.ok i dunt give a hoot abt minesweeper already.yawns.and played pool with Jiggra too.yays.

EVERYBODY SHOULD TRY YAHOO POOL.so fun okayy.GO.
waha!shall play more of it soon with jiggra.haha.

and im still pondering whether should i go or not.oh gosh.
xie melly val coming with me.so sweet ryt,i know.
but if my results like shit ryt.i shall be a weeping morose
mop and stay at home till i drench myself in a pool of tears.

and i am dead serious.sighh.
and melly dix val,PLS DO NOT MENTION anything bt IT ok.
dunt be selfish,not only you all come here you know!

and i conclude that sticks have big mouths.hmpf.
haha.im seriously bored.and restless.shall go play games again.haha.goodnight ya all. spread the love=).

2006-02-06T23:54:00.000+08:00

okayy everyone.

1.....2.....3...

PANIC!!

the results are confirmed to be released this friday.and even now,my heart is beating so fast! omg.why dident i worry when i took the exams??erghs.i do not know what kinda results to expect really.i did try my best despite very difficult circumstances,and i hope god bless me.i really do.sighs.i mean,if it is atrocious, im going to reflect wasting my four years in TK and just move on with a rather bleak future at hand.everybodys like anxious now.and im trying to capture the moments bit by bit. might be a funny memory one day.but its NOT funny now.its so not funny.

if i dont score okayyly,i might have to forego my Padang Wedding.gosh.i better do ok man.if not i'd cry my eyes out. im just so frightened at the thought of failing maths.can you imagine.i can.sighx.theres no point counting,if i see an f9 in my slip.sighh.im having so much jitters and merry butterflies flying in my tummy.someone SWAT THEM for me.sigghh.

how come everybody expects me to do well?how come?sighh.i cannot deal with this expectations.afterall ive always been a failure.a disappointment.sighh.i dunt know.i really dont.i feel screwed.

anyways,i should divert away again.i cannot stand it man.sighs.today wasnt exactly a good day.mum and dad fought again.and dad nearly crashed the computer in front of my eyes.i was so plain mortified.dad should grow up to be dad,i hate to be in the middle.and i have nothing to do with it.sighh.

shall go play games with jirah.spread the swatters you all. i want one.

*swats one butterfly and misses*

2006-02-05T23:57:00.000+08:00

someone shud give me an award for being the ''promising housewife of the year''. ive ironed gazillion clothes just now and ive cleaned mofo dishes pluss washing school shoes and god knows what.and in case you havent sensed it, i was being sarcastic.i'd be more than glad if people in the house would just split work with me.its so not fair.i feel like a maid. - yawnz- its been rather long since i wrote a meaningful entry actually.and im quite inspirationaless.oh wells, most to most i have something interesting to say today, ''I FINALLY BEAT JANE ONCE!'' at minesweeper that is.

jane probably does not know that the last 4 flags were excruciating for me especially since she catched up pretty quickly.but i won ONCE. (and mofo,its a bigg deal ok!)aha.its raining quite heavily now.theres this icy cold atmosphere which i dont quite favor.give me the creeps.

anyway since im very inspirationaless.i shall do the questionnaire which i took from arthi's blog. haha.

who knows,maybe you know something new abt me today?ahh.tell me if you do.

Questionnaire.(please note that my answers are going to be explicitly long and boring.if youre not interested,theres always an X at the top right hand corner for you to get lost.thank you.)

1.What is the best nickname that youve ever had?
hmm. Irr(grands call me that for wtv reason i dunt know) Dira,Ira,Dydy,Nadd.
okayy ive decided.Nadd is the nicest sounding one.-grins-

2.Do you think suicide is the best way?
its a personal preference,i do have respect for the people who died cos of suicide, because they have the courage to rectify themselves as fools.but for me,even if im stucked,suicide is not one of my options.

3.Rate your social life from 1-10.
social life ehh?okayys.7?haha.

4.Are you in love with someone at the moment?
now what is your definition of love?im sorry to say ive been unable to recognise the adverb because i believe i am still very young and lack the maturity to differentiate love aparts.i therefore let myself believe that all the involvement with other people were merely puppy love,infatuations and bad crushes.haha.

5.Are you missing someone at the moment?
not missing a particular someone,but sumone(s).the UN girlz, Bratz girls.ahh.loves.=)

6.Would you die for the one you love?
ahh?are you crazy?why so drama?nope. definitely not.selfish i know but life has to go on. so if thou shall perish under the stricken sun,thou shall perish ALONE.

7.Do you think love hurts?
okayy,i shall relate to the times when i felt like i was in love(but no,i wasnt). yes it tend to hurt.but hurt is essential, and i think,hurt is much more important than love, (not that love is not important.i dint say that.) because it makes mortals realise how to avoid certain pains or in other words make them learn from prev mistakes.

8.Whats the best thing abt love?
the best thing about love is,it warms the heart actually,especially if its coming from family members and good friends alike.yupp.

9.Whats the worst thing abt love?
there are alot of indifferent perspective of love.the bad thing is, people can love 2 persons at one time.
and dunt anyone dare tell me its impossible.ive witnessed it.and it wasnt a pleasant experience.

10.Will you wait for someone you love?
yaa of course i will,what do you think i am?evil? so mean.but if in 1hrs time he or she dunt turn up, i go home la.
dunt waste my time.go home sleep.sleep is good for you=).learn from jane.haha.

11.What song best describes your love life?
the song which i dunt like. the shrek soundtrack. ''accidentally in love''- counting crows?
its very disgusting.yucks.

12.Do you wanna get married?
DUH.then why do i make mention my PADANG weddings everytime.and if you want, i have a guestlist already.
hahaha.

13.Have you talked to the person you love on the phone?
i never really loved before,im serious.i love jane and i talked on the phone with her on friday.does it count?haha.

14.Do you keep your memories or do you try to forget them?
Good ones will keep,the bad ones throw them away. Memories is somehow my special thing in life.
each memory is unique.yess.

15.Is love always on your side or the opposite way?
yupp,love is always on my side because i never ruined love before.hahaha.

16.Are you straight/gay/lesbian/bisexual?
oh yawnz. i thought i was bisexual,now im quite straight.(shuttup Jane.)haha.

17.Have you ever loved someone of the same sex?
Love is not the correct word for me. i was FOND of her.thats all.love is all so mushy seriously
icky picky poo poo.eyeww.

18.Do you have a gay/lesbian/bisexual friend?
Alot actually,you want a name?hahaha.

19.Are you sick of love?
No im not sick of love.im sick of you.

20.Are you sick of the questions on love?
=/can you tell?

21.What are you going to do tomorrow?
i am going to wake up at 11,bring kidtoy to school,go shopping for new lingerie den head home.oh btw. i haf a fetish
for nice lingerie.blame it on mum.lalala.

22.What do you want so bad right now?
do okayy for O'levels.sighh.

23.Do you think money is everything?
yes.call me a superficial bitch if you want. i dunt mind.think how boring life is without money.
you wont even get to condemn people without money,like tt durai,the NKF board director and his whole bunch of squanderings of funds.see?it'd be absolutely boring without money.dunt gimme that lonely thinggyy. when you have money,people will come flocking to you like bees are to honey.HAH.and youre important if you have money.lalala.

24.What song are you listening to right now?
Le'ann Rhimes-Cant fight the moonlight.

25.Whats the last song that you downloaded?
Pump it-Black Eyed Peas.

26.How much do you love music?
as much as i love money?haha.

27.Do you play an instrument?
yepp.recorder,abit of keyboard,abit of gamelan(grandz)

28.Have you written your own song?
yupp.haha.and dunt ask me what song.

29.What movie did you just watched?
bedazzled!the devils hott.

30.Do you believe in forever?Now?
NO.nothing last forever.Change is the only constant thing.

31.Whats the last word you want to say to your loved ones?
tell me if you want to come to my padang wedding.MUAHAHA.den i can add you to my guestlist.
haha.on second thoughts, ''please split chores with me (you know who you are) and please ehh,please,

I LOVE YOU.hahahaha.

End of Questionaire.

sighh.hilarious superficial dramatic questions if you asked me.haha.anway,much thoughts of my Padang Wedding.
hahaha.see ya all at kallang in 10 years time yeah?haha. spread the love you all!!

2006-02-05T19:29:00.000+08:00

im pretty satisfied with how the layout turns out.i definitely breathe Gucci.haha.its not like pink throughout, like mei say,its quite bloody.haha.oh wells. anyway,Mums birthday we ate seafood at Telepark.so YUM i tell you. since im so lazy to describe.shall post pictures up.yawnz.

THE PARENTS.

THE FOOD.

ahh.*mouth waters* seafood never FAILS me.

the IKAN KERAPU.haha.SO NICE.

BUTTER OAT PRAWNS.

and because yours truly was busy gobbling food up,she did not get a picture of the sumptious crabs and fried squids either.haha.but anyway.I love seafood.(albeit it makes my cut itch like HELL)

oh wells mei is coming on Monday.oh my.i cannot bear to think of it.by then results are like OUT already.
argh.im freaking out every minute.and today i receive the PAE reg thingamajig.and im like.

''ok,do i even qualify dor your polys and jcs?''

sighh.nevermind.anyway im like so untouchable today.keep blowing up.sighh.i hate them.

the pests at home...

2006-02-04T01:57:00.000+08:00

first and foremostly.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!!

i love you with all my heart=).and when im bitchy to you,i dont mean it.i hope you have a pleasant birthdayy today.ahh.we are going to eat seafood today and i can practically smell the black pepper crabs from a distance.haha.
we'd prolly drop by swensens for ice-cream and what nots too.(dang.the calories.ugghh.)

i love birthdays.they are very important milestones to me,because i reflect on who ive become a year ago.and you can exclaim in a hackneyed way, ''wa,time flies so fast.''not to mention that there are alot of people around you appreciating you for who youve become presently,and giving you gifts that may not necessarily be expensive,but the fact that they remembered,its enough.

its become a tradition in a family to gather around a birthday cake and sing birthday songs together=).ahh.my all time favourite,cakes from prima.so delicious.and you get to make a wish and blow candles too.in other words,i feel special on my birthday.like,im exceptional for today=). (not that im insignificant on other days,you get what i mean.hah.)

anyway enough on my reflections on birthdayys.

today i would like to declare that,the calling card is mediocre actually.the rates going to australia can be as high as 57cents(using IDD 008) or 37cents(using IDD 018).and i finished my credit today,and i estimated i had about 6-8 hrs of talktime,yes? so im scroundling around for a better economising card,so anyone who knows the existence of such cards,pls inform me about it.jane's card is wayy cheaper there.she has loads of talktime seriously.ahh. but i cannot let her pay.feeling a tad bad.haha.

as ive said in my previous entry,im going to call jane,so i did. at first i called,no one picked up.so i tried again. and she picked up at the last ring i think. - evil grins- she was in the shower so like, she was wondering why noone picked up the ringing phone.and when she got out,OOPS,its hers.wahaha.and everyone was looking at her whith a presumely annoyed face.haha.i thought i was the MOFO waiting on the line,turns out shes a bigger MOFO.had the usual blast=).talking about what nots. and OH. before i forget,she has become my official..

1.house designer (good!im the first on the list)

2.Bridesmaid (''i dont wanna be a MAID damnit!'', quoting with much love,from jane=P)

3.Cake Taster (ahh.favourite.haha)

4.Godmother (to my 3545969 children.hah.just kidding.i only want two.)

i was asking her alot of qns.and according to her,NO CUTE GUYS.ahh.what a disappointment! -another so sad moment- nevermind,when you enrol yourself in the surfing classes,im more than sure that you'll see some yum (ey whats that?!?).haha.anyways,results are coming out very2 soon.i dunt know how im going to do.should be mediocre or really bad.im not sure.and best part is,im calling jane again on friday.so i'll tell how bad it is.sighh.im going to take my results,good or bad silently.not going to say a word to anyone.

i feel morose thinking abt it.anyway diverting back to conversation,we talked abt my padang wedding too.mm.
not bad.haha.what in the world,im not even done with Os results.but imagining is always fun.haha. pretty engaging.and it takes all the jitters away.

ive been thinking alot about friends.things seem to go wayy easier when you have a good one.imagine the fun, if i keep in contact with the UN girlz and Jane till im old haggard and not getting any.but maybe the only pain of mortal friendship is that,we, do not want to have to bury our own friends.we do not want to let them go.it will be so painful,dont you think so?i sincerely hope i will be strong enough to handle such fragile moments.hmm.

and val is probably the sweetest girl on earth. -smiles-

OH.before i forget

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO RAFIQQA AND SAIHAH=)!!

and now im off for word games.and probably attempt to make a download of the Bleach7 epsd 65.my heartache has digressed for abit and ive plucked up enough courage to make another attempt.haha.

wells.night to all of you=).spread the love ya'all.

underneath,the starlight, starlight *
theres a magical feeling so right
it will steal your heart tonight

2006-02-03T00:05:00.000+08:00

ahh.i actually left my blog alone for 2 days.incredible,but the truth is i was plain busy playing word games like Bonnie's Bookshop and Bookworm online so much so that i hardly get any sleep.and after this entry,im off to go play MORE wordgames.-grins loftily- anyways,im finding much joy in Msn Minesweeper, thanks to,who else, MOFO truly, Jane.

MINESWEEPER

Hilarious.i played once with her and never get the hang of it,so two days ago, she invited me again, and of cos i went like ''dang.i dunno how to play this shit.'' ahh.but i err..persevered?haha.so now i am like ''pro seyy.'' quoted directly from jane.haha.she knows how it irritates me so she keep saying it. like ''whoa,trashinx me seyy.'' haha.but nope,i havent trashed her yet.and the only person ive ever beaten at minesweeper is, ahh who else? Simone!hahaha.but shes now like using more of her brain capacity,so shes like getting the hang of it too.haha.

ok i love minesweeper.period.
KYLE (ANTM)

im also on tv marathon these past few days,watching nice shows like America's Next Top Model (kyle got voted off by the way.dang.) C S I miami (favourite.i might consider being a forensic pathologist.haha), delinquents spotlight show,HANYUT which is informative, and today i watched Criss Angel Mindfreak (im totally obsessed with that guy.hes hott in that punk cute way actually.woo.criss.) , the Swan (oh come on,once in awhile a sob story is therapeutic to the soul,it makes you more forgiving and human!) and SVU,ahh nice.

Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie

oh and dont forget The Simple Life. thats hot.Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie are just so candid and so lovable despite media reports on them being total partyy whores.when youve got so much money,what else can you NOT do. Good to note that the girls are not living off others expectations.good good.

maybe when i have children of my own someday ( JANE is their godmother,and NO mofo, they are NOT arriving in 3 years!), i shall raise them to be elitist like Rick and Kathy Hilton did. And look at their products! Paris and Nicky Hilton.haha.okok,for the record i was just kidding.and im not certain of the prospect of a rich husband.hahaha. ok maybe i wont even get married!haha.we'll see what fate and destiny have for me.

im excited at the prospect of a United Nations Tshirt.so cool.Check it out man.its gonna be a Jersey.Smooth. Votings are on the way now so it wont be too long when we all have an official teeshirt and official pictures plus debut outings!ahh.great.Jirah comes up with such phenomenal ideas.things are definitely looking up now.

i wonder if the international calling cards works on my mobile phone.dang.but i shall try ANYWAY.shall call jane later at 8.ahh.nice.im looking forward to it.nyehehe.

OH.btw,i call the sounds when ur buddy conquer flags at minesweeper ''ber deng deng!!''. Jane wouldnt have it, she INSISTED they were sounds of victory!ahh,not for long,not for long..hahaha.

ok.WORDGAMES.here i comeeee.have a good tym you all. Spread the Love.

2006-02-01T07:51:00.000+08:00

Last 4 days at home has been a blast.Everybodys at home just lazing around doing what not, and today,it reverted back to the normal routine.its 7.54 am now actually.so UNLIKE me to wake up very early,but i did not wake up, i was awakened. awakened by the distinct harping of my dad's voice,hollering to wan and ekhsan to hurry up. ekhsan was fervently looking for his pair of socks,and i JUST cannot ignore his whining,so i grabbed a pair from somewhere and gave it to him.then,it was wan's turn,''wheres my hp?!?!'' shakes me vigorously.by then i was half awake scrambling around for the damned thing.and i went back to lay down.sigh. peace at last.

until he decides to spray cologne on.

like. ''HEY MOFO!HEY HEY!IM ASLEEP HERE.HEY!OR AT LEAST IM TRYING!!''

and by then,im wide wide awake.(i just couldnt stifle the smell even though i blocked my face with my pillow.) Hugo Boss makes me dizzy.Makes me feel unclean.Like it has this air of arrogance,like ''i smell good,do you know you smell like trash?'' stinkin.

So now,im awake unable to sleep though im constantly yawning my head off.Even lil'goalpost is awake,playing race cars on playstation.and i have yet to send him to school at 12.30 later.

ahh.i dunt know why im awakened today.probably because ive had uninterrupted sleep these 4 days,that the blunder of this mornings were just pretty unusual to me and very affective.anyways,thoughts of what i'd be doing at this time of the day last year are invading my mind.and i cant help but snigger abit and be glad that,that was so yesterday.lets see,i'd probably be heading back to class,trudging my way up to the 4th level.ahh.

then chatter abit with raidah,look at alison drinking from her waterbottle,and turn my head around looking at KD and entertaining her usual questions abt whether a certain beauty product which she bought earlier had make her fairer,'' Nad,am i fairer now?do i look more radiant?'' then turn to Nicole Su,who JUST trudge it, maybe say, ''STUPID mdm khoo!she make me scraped my nail polish la!''and then Mrs Liew will come in, ''good morning girlsss.'' in that slowmo wayy. (i have come to a conclusion that,the older you get,the lazier you are because you tend to drag your words.s l o w ly.ahh.)

then maybe later pass Melly/Jane/Mei/Pat letters and stupid scribblys just to entertain myself.then go to the toilet to meet people to socialise with buying time,while bearing in mind Ms Hamidah will come in any minute. My recesses are spent in the class.reading up on what ive slept on plus muching on lil munchies. (but the annoying thing is,Yinglin is always there!HA.) or maybe check a couple of sms or two.

ahh,head to mother tongue class.MY FAVOURITE.Mr Zain is the lightbulb of a long and mundane days (except when he decides he has to be mundane too,by giving mundane karangans.) ahh,the man's the love! Mas and me will be bickering over little things and i'd be laughing my head off when Mas turns around and go, ''aper cikgu cakap arh? aku tak paham arh.'' (what did Mr Zain say?i dont understand!) or maybe giggling ferociously with saihah and writing her post-its and annoying the daylights out of her.

den it would be some mundane lesson after that.and at 1.45pm (or later,depends on which meano takes us,if its johara,we can end at 2.30.hah!)

MS JOHARA
''Girls,you are aiming for A1,-laughs to herself- but your work is like F9!''
''Girls,you all are disgusting!Making alot of noise. Stop talking.Evrybody.''

hahaha.good ol jolly Ms Jo.Of course im never free from the clutches of the discipline Mistress and the Operations manager of TK.

MRS KONG
(when she hates me.) ''Nadirrra -pause-,youu must underrrrstand-pause- that we have cerrrrtain rregulations -pauses even longer- that EEach and evrrry student-im getting impatient- has to followw..-FINALLY-

(when she thinks im good.) ''Nadirrra,im glad that you have shownn grreat improvement (pause) in terms of behaviour and academic progress.''

* notes that she pauses less when she thinks youre good.

MDM KHOO
this woman is the love!i wud be walking around with my belt low,(because its just so uncomfortable to wear it at the waist) while balancing a cup of Milo and say wedges in my hands, when she will suddenly come towards me. i tried to flee from the scene of course,but shes fast enoughh to see me fleeing and just to save her from any form of fatigue, with love,she took out her hailer and simply in one breath she utters ''NADIRA'' loud enough for the canteen people to hear.so i have no choice but to stop.haha.

oh wells,i realise i have so much remembrance of tk and at the same time,i missed the place and im glad to be out of it too.one can say,i now prefer it to be a bittersweet memory,but never wishing i could be back there in tk. tk was an experience,and i am glad i was part of it.

haha.toodleys.im getting a wee sleepy.spread the love ya'all.

2006-01-31T17:00:00.000+08:00

my mum figured that in order to plant the seed of creativity,its essential to let the children make their mess, like mouldind out of shape doughs,and let them participate in the various things that adult do,so that they also learn the sense of responsibility and independence which are essential in their later years.so today,bright and early,my mum engaged them in PT.no,not physical training,its...

PROJECT TART

so basically,the aim of project tart is not to create delicious yummy looking pineapple tarts,but to create tarts,that are shaped,according to their own creativity.so while my mum was busy arranging tarts like how they should be arranged, the other two were having fun,waiting for their turn to bake theirs.

ahh,never too late for a picture.after their tart making session.

so my mum's definition of tarts are round yellow things,with a little depression in the middle for the filling.since it wasnt any occasion special for tarts,she make them simple.(note that the fillings are placed by the two boys.) and this is her definition of normal tarts.

but apparently,the boys had another definition of tarts.to them,tarts should be happy looking, jolly and funny too.
so here are their jolly tarts.

courtesy of ekhsan

courtesy of the lil goalpost,Kidtoy(toothless wonder)

These are jolly tarts=).ahh.and this is them after baking their happy,jolly and funny tarts.they are obviously happy with how their tarts turn out.

haha,anyway i had fun looking (and eating) their JOLLY tarts.

Children,what are they? Happy Jolly and Funny Creatures,just like the tarts they make.
haha.haf a good day all,cya!

ps: mm.i swear im still annoyed.

2006-01-31T01:13:00.000+08:00

im still up at 1.30 am (thats not exactly something out of normalcy.heh.) but the house seems abit too quiet for my own preference.anyway,i can hear kidtoy snoring from where im sitting.ahh.the lil goalpost always sleeps noisily. anyway,today wasnt much of an interesting dayy,except for the fact that dad actually brought home live footage of ghost caught on tape.i swear,it was the scariest MOFO shit ever.i can never look at trees normally again. but what the heck, this feeling will wear off.haha.

anyway,to my dearest darling lovable MOFO, jane,i do not know why the tagboard screws up on you. and pls,the rest of the world has no problem with the tagboard,only you do.and i think thats because youre a cacing sesat. heh. and im not a kecoa sesat dodo.eee.but anyway,because i love you so much,i shall look for a better alternative to cater your MOFO internet in aussie.so hang on in there!

i actually have to wake up early to accompany ma to bedok interchange.i cannot believe this.she'd drag me out even if im so sleepy.and i wonder what business does she have roaming the streets of bedok?haha.probably to go pay bills or sth,i wasnt exactly listening.duh.

watch yet another nice episode of the indonesian sinetron,Dia. and watch Coyote Ugly. im currently stuck on Le'Ann Rimes song,what issit called again?something moonlightish?ahh.heck.the songs very obsolete really.hmm.

anyway,i have yet to bitch to jane abt some weird person now.i bitched abt her to mei already,so i shud have a really good time bitching again.anyway,it boils me up when people plays Copycat with me.its just plain annoying.

and it made me look at the weird person in utter disgust.such an abhorrency and lack of maturity on the shelf display for me to puke at.can you like find your own identity,instead of forever remaining in other's shadow. such a filthy disgusting faggot.and its all pure bitchiness,jealousy and competition. i dont know why she always viewed me as competition and has dis intense yearning to mimick everything i do,and then somehow plan to outdo me some way.gosh,are you trying to exult the waves of the ''top girl in this business'' and therefore inflicting some sort of annoying vibes to me?haha,so NOT working.

ahh.enough of my incessant rantings.its probably such a bore to read.i mean,writing about a faggot,cannot be worth-mentioned as interesting can it?haha.loves to all.nights.

2006-01-29T23:26:00.000+08:00

Happy Lunar New Year To All!!Well,today wasnt exactly a fabulous day to begin with,but i do not care anyways. talking about individuals like him will just make me a bitter and melancholic young adult when im suppose to be vibrant brimming with energy.anyway the previous entry was just a release of bottled up thoughts. Anyway,im too lazy to describe my monotonous day, so i shall just harp on a random topic.

MY ENCOUNTER WITH BEEF FAN-TASTIC!
(c'mon singapore here's something new!)

me and wan were like excited because we saw the cheery advertisment on teevee.i had doubts about the burger actually.the idea of rice meshed up in beef is the very epitome of disgusting food i had in mind.but anyway,we tried it.and on my first bite,i spat the MOFO shit out.and that very second,i THANK MELLY for saying it was nice MOFO weeks ago.Gosh.what kind of BURGER is that??its disgusting i dont like it,i dont want it and i wont buy it again! total waste of money i tell you.argh.i conclude that the beef fantastic is only catered to the chinese tongue seriously, it has this herby spicey taste,the kind that the chinese love to eat,you know.anyway.i dont wana talk abt it anymore.i feel mofo enuff for forking out money for it.

THE EMBARASSMENT AT 7-ELEVEN!
(7-eleven,its a store and more!)

ahh.after our encounter with the beef fanta-SICK, we headed to 7-eleven to look for munchies to get the terrifying taste away from our poor tongues.so we bought starfruit drink.and as we were paying,we saw these 'crazy pipes' (pict above).its 1.25 per bucket actually so we were like arranging the pipes to the maximum fullest and the counter people were like smirking.i was telling wan ''ENOUGH ALREADY'' and he piled up summore.OMG.and when it was time to pay,MOFOS OF THE WORLD UNITE,we spilled it everywhere,by that time,the counter people burst out in guffaws to my distinct horror!omg omg.MOFO.argh.so while blushing like mad,we just scoot away from the scene, vowing never to step foot again in 7-eleven!

ahh.days are never boring with wan around,although he can be an absolute pain in the ass,he is one nice jolly fella, never too hesitant to try something new and the very person to ask out to eat when youre hungry at unearthly hours.cheers!

goodnights to all.have a lovely day ahead=).

2006-01-29T02:27:00.000+08:00

cant seem to catch some sleep. (probably because i slept like a pig earlier today) but anyway,since wan(my brother) mentioned it, i cannot get it out of my mind.gosh.why does a married man cannot behave like a married man, and be sensitive towards the endearing feelings of the wife and also avoid uneccessary chatter on various internet websites.(not that theres anything wrong with cyber communication but i personally feel utterly disgusted when certain perverse requests surfaces.) and cyberchat are for desperados.

when asked,all you utter is ''its to release stress''.look,im (nearly) 17,and who are you trying to bullshit anyway? sometimes i still believe that you actually think im 12 and that you can actually fool me.but you have to understand i know MORE than you do,and even though youre in your thirties and might consider me a young junkie, (with no experience whatsoever), youre wrong, because technology moves in my generation,not in yours. you have a mighty long way to go.

so you decide to change your password so as to leave us in the dark of all your socialites entertaining you online? my my MY.you are one cunning man.and the fact that we have the same blood running in our veins,it makes me look down on you in shame, of all the times,you fooled us.

i see the woman,in my eyes, she yearns for your attention every single day, try to do the best for you, loves you even when you have your flaws and trust you when you break it everytime.my heart weeps for her,the woman who has been loving you for nearly 2 decades.if you want to cheat to lie and act like you can get away with it, why utter the vows 17 years ago?why dont you enjoy more of your days as a bachelor back then, and instead of relieving it now?

you know that it is wrong and right now, i cannot look you in the eye without having feel disgusted.you piss me off with your indecencies and that wayward behaviour of yours.im amazed at your capacity to tolerate the guilt that you have when you inflict so much pain on all of us.or maybe you did not feel any guilt at all?

and now you leave me in a dilemma.to change the password or to completely ignore and get on with life or even worst,tell her what youve been up to eg.that other woman. if you dont love me,its okayy, i do not want to be loved anyway,but i urge you to look at kidtoy's and ekhsan's face,see how much in need are they of a father figure and i want you to reflect the kind of figure you are in their lifes.no doubt,you take a huge part in caricaturing their emotional psychological development.everyone knows that.

right now,i feel disgusted at you hugging her when you dont mean it.and right now part of me is yearning to break it out to her.but i know you better.you will threathen the existence of our concurrently ''happy family'' and hence i do realise in the long run,the devastation will not incurred only on you and her but most importantly, the little ones plus me and wan.am i suppose to keep mum?

what kind of moral dilemma is this?bullshit.im frustrated.dear god(my one and only place to cry on), why do you create him to be delusional and so egoistical?the pain he inflicts on us is unbearable and ironically, ive still managed to have bits of love hung on my modest heart for him.countless times physical pain i endured,even having to be deaf for a week and yet i was silent abt it.even running for help with my barefeet, i still have love for him. thank you for making me strong all this while god,i believe pain is temporary and please guide me in making decisions these forthcoming week. i sense its going to be a rough road for all of us.

make me say the correct things and do what im supposed to do.i know i always turn to you when im in times of need, but really all this while,i have no one who fully understands me as i would like to,and show some emphathy to me. only you can show him where he has gone wrong.

Dear God,i live in your glory and by your will is how i live.I've seen your greatness and i belive you wouldnt let me stray and forsake me.i love you god.please protect each and every single one of my siblings and my mother. dunt let him hurt them.sighh.

goodnite dear world.thanks for hearing me out.

yours truly,
nadira.

2006-01-28T16:04:00.000+08:00

Introducing The Wonders Of The Calling Card!!

i must be the only moron in the world that doesnt know such a calling card exists.once upon a time, i had a guyfriend who moved over to aussie,and well,i asked around how to call him when i knew it would be so expensive. One girlfriends sayd, buy a phonecard!so me,being the incredibly ditzy me,thinks the calling card as the one used for operating those phonebooth and couldnt stand picturing myself like a pathetic loser at the phonebooth talking to a guyfriend whose like in aussie.so in the end i did not go and buy a calling card.so a few years later a good frend pursue education in aussie too,and she sayd i can always call her direct at this aussie number,and in my mind i went like OH DARN.instantaneously,a picture of me standing at the phonebooth like a pathetic loser emerged again.

UNTIL I FIND OUT I CAN USE THIS AT HOME.hmph.now who is to blame for NEVER explaining to me about what a calling card is all about?damn.(and to jane: i am NOT naming this entry as THE MOFO WHO JUST KNEW ABT THE CALLING CARD!)ahh anyway,on abt the wonders, it boasts the capacity of $15 and has special promotions like having 3 hours ++ free and best of all,you pay ONLY 10 dollars for it. (haha.nadd is being SUAKU.)
ok enough abt the calling card already!

had the usual conversation with jane on the phone.told her about Dan the Man.and we were in hysterics.anyway, jane told me how to dl Bleach,you know the anime so me,being the ditzy me,dunno wat,go dl the song.and dats not all!the comp has to be ON overnight.can you imagine the intensity of my heart ache?argh.i shall try it again.soon.
ahh,we shall talk again next friday.haha.

anyway,someone(S) has to responsible for this.

ive been keeping mum abt this,wanting to see how far this can go.i mean,maybe by your standards, this is little, 220 in 4 days but for me,it strucked me as alot because ive always deemed my blog as ''little known of'' and the fact it has the average of 55 readers per day is shocking.ok maybe minus the times i went inside to check would be abt less than 20 but this still does not explain it.i dont mind people stumbling or reading or what BUT can you at least tag so that i know youve been reading?so at least it keeps the panick away.although im appealing for y'all to tag, i know many would not heed anyway but ahh,the possibilities are endless,maybe YOU read it,or yOu or yOU or You...
ahh wtv.and up to date ONE hatemail.NONO i_rule,your pscychological warefare on me is less than sucessful.amazing the things people do to sastify themselves.hmm.

by the wayy.kidtoys SECOND tooth drop as he was eating the Mc'Harshbrowns? haha.so now his mouth is like a MINI goalpost.and when he talks,theres rain.dad even candidly remarked that,''ahh kidtoy,with a hole that big in your mouth,its easier for you to breath...'' haha.okayy.

heres a picture to illustrate,(pic taken when we were gg back from 7-eleven)

ahh.thats all.goodday to all.god bless.

2006-01-27T15:17:00.000+08:00

im completely annoyed today.even with the privilege (i consider it a privilege) of not having to come to school for the first 3 months, i am so busy and i'm every annoyed. i have so many things to do and in this house of mine, the folks have picked up the crutch mentality.so whenever they make the mess, they think to themselves, ''OH.she doesnt go to school!LET HER CLEAN IT!'' when its their mess,and not mine.ahh.

this is plain selfish.just this noon,i woke up (to get kidtoy ready for school) daddy came into the room and sayd ''will you go to bedok interchange and pay the bills for me?'' to which i utter a HUGE yawn and sayd my legs are in pain,so i cannot do it therefore i will not do it. and he got pissed.thats not justice.its unacceptable.afterall,yesterday i slept at ard 3.because of the different animated chores i have to do.how platonic.

anyway,i was too tired to wake up,and ended up NOT going back to TK and even worst,missed sahuria's n co performance at TPJC.not that i regret not having gone back to TK,but sahuria's performance!!i miss the UN girls already. As for not coming back to TK, i have no regrets as there were people like WAINPOT who did not want to even talk to me,the bitch!and afterall,practically majority of the UN girls are not going back,so i dont see the point.

and i havent missed the school yet.i'll wait for teachers days to come back and pay the MOLE a visit. okayy maybe by then,i'd have already forgotten abt TK.but mrs kong is good enough a reason.in fact i shall go up to her and talk in HER voice.in case you havent heard,i can do a great impersonation of her voice.ahh.thats what i call TALENT.

even though people like Elis and May Yee,acknowledge it as having spent too much time with her already which i think is true,i still think dis is talent,that kinda voice,not many can imitate.haha.anyway,in simple words, i miss mrs kong.=) i heard the new leadership is not any better.changing school visions and stuff,making it like a military school.i tellyou, she wont reign at the throne for long, because she will begin to hate the atmosphere in tk, as theres so much bitching and hatred towards her currently. i do think thats partly why mrs loke left,although,this is just an opinion AND if any out there decides that im bitching in one way or another,please im just commenting and if you decide you want publicity,this is not the one that youre looking for. trust me.*smiles politely*

ahh.i have dis sudden inclination to change template.and to my utmost annoyance, the cBox is like gone,so are the music codes.im so annoyed.i shall take my own sweet time doing a template,then when its done i'll dilly dally put it up.yawnz.im so annoyed.

being annoyed is annoying because the annoyance is annoying my annoyed mind.twinkies.

and today ekhsan took the pledge as he is a prefect for FPS.ahh.they have a tie now,unlike those silly sports band i had to wear when i was a prefect back then.im happy for him=).the investiture was just now anyways. i shall post a picture of his tie soon.take care all.god bless!

2006-01-26T21:39:00.000+08:00

just finished watching the news.yet another weak attempt at discussing the controversial issue of public caning. i witnessed it every now and then when i was in primary school,so why dident anyone say anything abt it back then? that was almost a decade ago,and dey brought it up now?like NOW. -shakes head in disbelieval-

anyway my real intention here is to post a pictorial entry.so yea.remember yesterday i went to meet farah? well i did.and here she is.haha.what is my problem?okayy anyway,yea,dis is her=).

we ate at Burger King (i dunno why,seems retarded i actually even bothered to illustrate BK.)

den she went with her other half and i met the crazy two.Jirah and Saihah,DUH.

and the two were taking their own sweet time,eating long john for HALF an hour.and NO jirah, You did not win.
i was seriously in despair man.like WHEN will they ever finish?haha.seems like FOREVER.anyway,dis are the slowmos eating=).

Finally finished eating,BUT havent finish Drinking.
so Wait wAit and waiT.-....-

we went window shopping at Bugis Street.and found alot of nice things,but US being US,
we only look at things that really catch our attention,like FUNNY underwear like dis one=).

SPONGEBOB galore!and look at the hole at the mouth.what the heck.
and of course,since CNY is just around the corner,there are festivity in designs of the underwear,like dis one=).

ahh.enough of funny underwear really.anyway,i really want this royal necklace.sighh.and dis flip flops.

at the traffic light with them,still can take pictures.our motto: EVERYWHERE we step is a PHOTOSHOOT.
hahaha.tired but not too tired to flash a smile for the camera!cheese.

THIS is the LOGO on saihahs SHIRT.talk about being FUNNY.hahaha.

oh wells.it was a happy day after all.and i also kissed a happy house frog=).lalala.

lalala.FROG PRINCE EHH.action.dats it=).hahaha.ok im tired.goodnight all.

2006-01-26T17:14:00.000+08:00

its not so much the world that seems to have a problem with me,its the people in it.its just so annoying to have someone come up to you and say ' sorry,thats not good enough.' or maybe 'no thats just plain ugly,and it looks like ( fill in whatever disgusting noun here) ' and than have a good laugh at you or maybe even worst, tell the others to laugh along too.its good that i can bottle it up because, when i keep my annoyance to myself,i dont hurt anybody but myself,and thats what i care about the most. i am capable of excellent tongue-lash but of course, i woudnt inflict it on anybody because it would only reflect incredibly low maturity level and of course,my upbringing.

they are out to hurt and it all depends on my self-fortress that i build around me.the fortress that will isolate me from the spearing cutting vengeance that tried to make its way in.judgments perspectives and thoughts,they are endless. but i sure do hate stating,without a reason or even worst,being utmost random.

randomness is just a sense of territory.you want to decide who you hate (not because they have actually done something bad to you.and in some cases,you havent even met him/her in person) and you also want to decide who you like.there are some who progressed to the next stage of randomness,by bitching to his/her heart content and having a good time about it.this are the people whom i cannot tolerate.there is also another feature of randomness,that is by glorifying the ones you like,even though their achievements are so minimal.the applause for the persons, whom the random-er(if theres ever such a word) is more than exaggerated and in some cases the achievement is a complete atrocity of negativity.

so ask me now,why is there such behaviour in the world where religion,integrity and decorum takes centre-stage? im not sure of it myself.but what i theorised is that, they seek attention,they are competitive and would stop at anything to outdo,outwit and outlast.but NO.they are not survivors.they are plain try-hards who are looking for attention and raise some controversy about themselves so that they are noticed,they are the limelight.wow.

do you know of any random-er in your life?i do.but usually,this disgusting behaviour,is usually temporary at random-er always go for the prize(or so,he/she thinks it is) and try to exult the waves of a ''ruler'' in a territory.
i guess thats it for today.goodday world.loves.

2006-01-25T23:17:00.000+08:00

i initially wanted to do a pictorial entry,but i decided against it because im officially not feeling that right now. the mixed feelings im having now are intertwining into my enthusiasm level.which is definitely not good,because when im in this mode,what great things i planned for myself will not be executed and neither will it be compromised.

bitter.if thats the taste you decide to let me have,im sorry,im spitting it out in your face.and you had better deal with it.i realised its no use being emotional,feeling so attached to a particular person because in the end, youre not appreciated.maybe the bitterness is rubbing off me,but i choose not to think that way.

its like youre a leech.youre like draining all of my patience,drop by drop.i refuse to think youre immatured, but somehow,day by day,u make me doubt you.and whats the use of being in denial?why cant you just stay in your world and stop intruding in mine? in other words,why carn you keep your irritating self out of my view?why do you always have to make me feel this way?why do you always make me wanna wrench ur head off and throw it in the sea?gosh.im letting it out like an insane sadist and it feels good.

i should stop this.
before it gets WAY out of hand.

goodnight world=)

sealed in your name,clasped in your hand
nothing comes between,nothing will stand
when they see us coming they'll run away
we've built the fortress,and we're going to stay
as i looked in your eyes,feelings unfold
i can see the story,thats never been told
so tell me why youre hiding
i can feel my eyes twitching
dont try, dont make me cry
dont pry,when all you do is lie
ive got to learn how to trust
if i want this to last.

-nadira 12.19AM-

2006-01-25T01:17:00.000+08:00

ive decided that pictorial entries are more fun.but it is very time consuming.the process of uploading is very slow. well,at least it means i get to type less.anyways,today is a typical day.im online most of the time.and these are the people whom i avidly talk to today=).

Night Owls

Jirah and Sai=).talking about the the crappiest things on earth.haha.

Day Girlz

the bratz girlz- jane wal and melly.haha.dey are the fun bunch of bananas=).haha.okayy that was totally random. haha.nevertheless i love em. -sloppy kisses- haha.

interacting online is one of the best things to do especially if youre bored,jobless and limping like me. it keeps me occupied by the way.anyhows here are pictures after the tp open house.i dont have many but i thought they were worth posting anyhow.

THE PUCK TABLE-where we made a din when we played 3 times in a row,me jirah siti and sahuria

Shoes shoes and more shoes=) at tamp Mall.and jirah tried on 235840 shoes.hehe.(thats exaggerated really.)

dont you just hate it when people portray Cutesy?dis is one of the Arab Tourist we found at tamp mall. and dont tell me that looks like jirah,because i dont wanna hear it.=P

we met Nurul too,who works at Toys R us.She looks androgynous doesnt she?haha.

anyway,im lusting after a fur Guess handbag now,which is 169 dollars and 90 cents.gosh.look at this beau.

its pink.and i so love the font=).piece of art.well done well done.haha.

anyway,tho i dont say it often,

i love my mom=).

nights to all.loves.

ps:simone's shirt is still with me,jane.gosh.haha.ok,i'll arrange a day to meet her soon.heh.
and oh,been really long since i saw simone.missed her=).

photographer: Jane

2006-01-24T00:53:00.000+08:00

as many of you all know, its a daily chore for me to bring kidtoy to school (until i even got myself into an accident on a bicycle) and bring him back home at the end of school.but you dont actually know the details.not that im going to type everything out.im going to use pictures today.so without further a do,let us go through the journey from which i fetch kidtoy at 6.00 pm everyday.

after singing the national anthem,the primary ones will be dismissed class by class.kidtoy is from 1H. so i have to wait because H isnt exactly the beginning of the alphabet.when they are dismissed,they are actually scattered all over.BUT.thats not a problem for me because kidtoy is easily distinguishable due to his,err,size?yea. so i carried his Gransazers Bag (in case you all do not know,Gransazers are like Power Rangers,only the chinese version), so here he is,after being dismissed.

OH YES.i forgot to mention he lost his tooth,while feasting on his 3rd serving of fried rice. but anyway, look at his toothy grin.ahh.theres a meaning behind it. it means: ''Kak,can i have a Popsicle? pleeaasse...'' dunt know whats a popsicle? read on. so,that explains it.haha.

so THATS a POPSICLE.yes.kidtoy wont have anything else.i even asked him if he would like soya bean or something, but he woudnt have it. i know why.because all his other peers are drinking popsicles too.so he must have one. If kidtoy knew how to say it,he would say ''Popsicles are the IN thing now!'' haha.

this is the CLASSIC toothless grumble.Grumbling about what else- the bus which takes forever to come.haha.

i can roughly tell what he is thinking about.he is probably thinking abt the mutton curry and dollops and dollops of rice that will come with it,plus the soft delicious potatoes which he did not get to eat as he had to go to school. as in, ma did not finish cooking when he left for school.so he did not taste it!

kidtoy asked me what dis sign is for?well i answered,its to tell people that little kids old people and pregnant ladies need the seat more than others do.to which he replied in defiance that, ''kakak,youre not small!youre not old and youre not pregnant!so why are you sitting down?im primary one and im still kecik. -...- kids say the darndest things.

the little pest is eat-cited at the thought of food.look at his face.you can tell it.im sure you can. and oh, look at the belly!haha.kidtoy is capable of MANY funny faces.which makes him very adorable.haha=).well to me at least.

he skips happily towards the lift.target is approaching near.what else? mutton curry plus potatoes plus dollops and dollops of rice den!

''kakak,we are going in the lift now.so when we reach home,make sure you give me rice to eat with the mutton and 2 potato slices...dot dot dot.''and oh, ''i want to eat twice!but please dont tell mama or else,im going to tell her you keep using the phone till late!'' yes Yes yEs. its a deal.look.gimme a break, i carn HAVE my mum knowing im hogging on the phone when shes at work right?hehe.

the tired fetcher(if theres ever such a word).carrying the gransazers bag. (not) looking forward to giving him a bath (because he splashes ard like a hippo) and helping him with homework.

and oh,his favourite book at the moment?

Mr Marvel and The Washing.
all i can say is,at the end of the story, Mr Marvel's Pet mouse, Squeak, gets hanged on the clothesline too.
but the books good,its repetitive.it helps in teaching kids how to read.

actually,i have alot more to blog on.but i'll do that later.i stll have to wake up at 8 later to go jogging.
goodnight to all.
loves.

2006-01-23T00:32:00.000+08:00

HAH.dis is the multiple entry of the day.and please do note that putting up this picture is simply an out-of-the-world experiment to see if i can get more readers to read.

the VAINPOT and the very epitome of NARCISSUS.

now lets wait and see if this increases the number of readers.
haha.alaa wanyun,i love you la bitch!=)

tatas.nights to all=)

2006-01-22T23:41:00.000+08:00

the scent of the rain is lingering in the air.such a safe feeling in the heart,and clear in the mind of the fogging that has occured when i inhale deeply the air after it has rained.its almost therapeutical actually.as a young child,ive always been happy when it rains and i would continuosly breath in heavily,as if greedy,to grab the scent=).anybody who could produce that scent,i would be your first customer.

well, yet another normal day today.and mum cooked chili crab.tiny ones which were still alive when we stewed it in the pot.nonetheless,the departure from the crabs did not cause me any guilt because they taste really good.-grins- well, been on the computer since forever actually.no inspiration has strucked me yet to write a meaningful entry. the reason i wrote is because,its a ''tradition'' of the day.so i feel incomplete if i dont write something.

anyway,bounced along the supermarket with the boys. (kidtoy ehksan wan) went to the nightmarket (pasar malam), and they bought chicken little plastic files.even wan (be reminded that he is Sec 3).hilarious.theres a first time for everything,so today i tried the longest and tastiest hotdogs ive ever tasted during my existence on earth for a staggering(yes, staggering) 17 years.plus its cheesi-fied.(no such word?) anyway,wan thought they were the perfect epitome of disgusting food.i agreed with him,but who cares,they taste good and it made us laughed. anyway, i got another handphone cover.and its hott pink.-yipes in happiness-

melly and dixie called tho.topic of the day, the affairs of the heart.ahh.to melly, think twice ehh.
like i already said,i do not want you to wake up tomorrow morning and it strucked you that you have done the wrong thing.and i have confidence in your capability in doing that.so think harder.

im getting abit restless.its the man u match versus liverpool live now.i hope the latter wins!
nights to all.god bless.

2006-01-21T19:21:00.000+08:00

today was another splendid day.met up with most of the United Nations, saihah,sahuria,jirah, raf and siti. Its been awhile=).so you bet i was really glad to meet up with them.met up at the tp bustopp.turns out, im punctual. so we entered tp and did not even touch any goody bag (which looked like they came from a thrift store and are on sale, 3 for 10 dollars,anyone?)anyway we headed for the singapore idol meet and greet session. olinda and sly were busy signing autographs and snapping pictures with the fans who obviously went wild with this special appearance of olinda and sylvester.i noticed that sly looks better in real life.yess.so we sat at the common staircase while anticipating the performance that we were due for, the tpDk,Panjy erm,demo?yea.then it was malay dance showcase and the rugby HAKKA.(sp?).omg.it was funny.i dunno why,but they were so enthusiastic,you can practically see that they are serious about the somewhat amusing steps when doing the hakka.

they went like ''KUM MA TEH KUM MA TEH!!'' *followed by the sumo stomp action?* EH?dunt ask me.im not sure of it myself=p.anyways,the DK performance was hilarious and very spontaneous.its very engaging because most of the time,they were sprouting nonsense like ''when you want to rhyme,rhyme properly,if you start with E you must end with E!'' haha.basically nonsense.

by then,our butts were definitely screaming to be held up by our legs, because we were so tired of sitting.and my leg was giving me problems.so i still do walk like the hunchback of notrrreee dahmm,definitely.so after that we headed to tampines and ate at lj.i definitely missed lj,the last time i went there,i was in my uniform=).haha.den sat there and chatted like for an hr.before heading on to play arcade.played racing car,courtesy of jirah=).she sponsored. den played puck.and we were sweating like mad woman. hahaha. 3 games in a row is very tiring.yepps. so it was very fun.

as you can see,im very tired and i seem to be quite brief abt today.later when im like ok already, i'd blog summore. and prolly put up pictures or sth.that is IF i have the mood.if not,you might as well forget it=).haha.

overall,its definitely a well-spent day with friends,that at the end of the day, matters the most.love yu girls=).
speaking of which,the call that lasted between me and jane cost only a dollar fifty.haha.its very cheap, considering we talked for like 56 mins and 17 secs?haha.close to an hr.oh wells.

tiddly doos to all.yawnz.

ps: i admit, i am trying to hint ryt now,so bear with me.youre so shrewd.i dont know WHEN will you understand the different degrees of closeness that varies between any two individuals.sometimes i wonder if you ever thought of me as the one that snatches.because if you really feel that wayy,you have to move on.if it is fated it is. if im to be found guilty of hurting you,then theres always Karma.retribution,whatever you strongly belief in.but as long as we are doing nothing wrong,i dunt see the need for you to get washed away in anger.

besides,situations different now,if any form of emotions that existed for you,well,those are sadly in the past. concentrate on the one that needs you the most and let us all be merry and stay friends, putting aside the different degrees of closeness that exist.intimacy or most commonly known,as a bond cannot be broken just like that, you cannot force it.and if you do,the damage is on you,seriously.please.stop exulting waves of anger towards me.

i have done nothing wrong.

pps:my heart is with TP,i hope O's do not vanquish my dreams into dust and dirt.
i have my fingers crossed on this one.god bless.

2006-01-21T00:29:00.000+08:00

Life cannot be any better.It seems so complete and so full of surprises.Today was not any different.Apart from getting a mobile device and having the luxury of my mom's company to go shopping for lingerie, Jane called today. She messaged me actually. So to cut the story short,it was too troublesome to msg so she called me instead.ahh.so nice of her.It felt so good to hear her voice again, it seems abit surreal and yet again i find myself plunging into the times when i would be hogging on the phone and rolling on the bed like always at 8.00 and yakking abt what not, to her. Shes like settled down now and school has been lovely for her.unlike the usual crappy-lets-play-whacko to get to know each other orientations, her orientation was by far more jolly.She had the privileged of having City Tour which includes Themepark Visit.i laughed my head off at such ridiculous plans of the University Of New South Wales.

but then again,it made sense.this is an international institution, language and accent barriers have to be executed in other for all,no matter where you come from to blend in the diverse curriculum of the school.so maybe by having fun, getting to know each other is au'naturale.anyway,back to jane,school for her is 5 mins walk and she has friends that she mentiones,like the caucasian and the korean who are heavily accented by the way.and her time table is simply wonderful,with classes that starts at 10 am,and ends as early as 2 or 3?i can safely say she made the right choice of furthering in aussie.i dont really understand but she mentions taking design as the fundamental foundation that will lead her into the profound world of architecture.thats good.

conversation was not all about her.i was babbling away esctatically and updating her on recent developments here in surburban singapore.even discussing abt my career prospect in certain courses. turns out maybe im really taking dip in cst or law or accounting/finance.

to which jane candidly commented that finance is out because my expenditure is...well,lets just say the financial planning for my clientele will not turn out to be the best planning ever.dip in cst in priority now. because eventually i do realise,i'll be settling down as a married woman and the course is ultimately stable and will provide the necessary skills to be a housewife.haha.as corny as it sounds,but its true,ryt jane?shes supportive.hahaha.

of course,the usual gossip and the i miss you you miss me teeny bopper holler.i mean, well, i missed her. she actually said im a fool for crying out loud.and looking back,i think i am.because just now,it felt like she is still residing at mandarin gardens.but then again,she acknowledges the fact that im emotionally inclined.thats my girl=). all that giggling about what not. just now.im really so glad now.

her holidays will be in april.and you bet,im so looking forward to it.im not like SO looking forward but yes, definitely would be glad to meet her.shes only a phonecard and a phonecall away so im ok with it though i have pre-examined the limitations that i have.but im really thankful enough that shes well, reachable?no better word to substitute that i guess=).

thanks jane,for the sound advice (thats a different one,compared to the usual ''IGNORE LA.'') about the ABC person who was my jnrs EX.haha.ok,i sense many question marks popping up but i aint elaborating any further.and upon completion of the course and after several years of being in the design industry, jane will be capable of interior design and by that time,hopefully,im married=), and Jane i told you i want your services in interior design.so being the purebred singaporean i am, i shall exclaim in delight, "CHOP!im first ok!'' haha.typical.jane says ok.so yay!

and i still want my kangaroo pictures and pictures of the house youre staying in and your uni=).yay!post them yea,i bet not only me,but alot of other inquisitive homosapiens out there would wanna take a peek but does not tell it to your face=).so im merely doing a favour.

ok,im really glad you called=).its a plus bonus for me today.im extremely happy.tho this entry is not like squealing it all out like the typical teenybopper.i do realise i have changed my form of address to my audience to a somewhat more respectful and solemn tone.the next time,i'll call and i'll pay.and that would be..let me see..a friday? yea. a friday.its a date!-grins loftily-

and im confident that, its going to be a 56 mins and 17 seconds worth of calls, well-spent=).
nights to all=).take care and god bless.

2006-01-20T16:46:00.000+08:00

do you know that i actually cannot spell tv in full 10 mins ago?i seem to forget how to.gosh.major brain block man. anyway, i wanted to discuss abt shows on the television that are actually worth watching.one of them is, law and order SVU.its the best show ever.its very intriguing,worth every second of my precious time.its like, complicating yet,youre allowed to make your own judgements base on what you think is correct.they lay out all the evidence in front of you and you get thinking abt all the different possibilities.its just plain engaging actually, and the fact it sets me thinking is a pluss bonus factor.C.S.I miami is equally as good too, although i find it a little bit disturbing,the cases that are surfaced.and somewhat grosteque too.but its still good i guess.

anyway,i just got back from bedok interchange.went to haf breakfast plus lunch and then bought a phone. (to replace the one that flew out of the window.)i got the pink 7610.haha.i just like the phone.by the wayy,the latest phone nowadays are just plain bulky and oh so ugly. it doesnt even look like a proper phone.all the 3g.i wanted N70 but look how at how big it is.i think now they are just trying out the 3g technology,when they are able to compress the phone so that its like lightweight and stuff.yea man.

is my font really too small??hmm.i think its fine people.more comments please.hahaha.oh wells.haha.im in such a delirious mood now,despite my scraped knee.and its less disgusting now.but when it cracks.the pain is so unbearable. argh.today i sent kidtoy to go to school.anyway hes trousers were loose so i had to like sew the hook on properly. so that he would be able to wear it without it falling off.haha.i love kidtoy.hes such a lovable sortz.oh wells.

i shall go ponder over things ive never pondered on before again,and i'll tell you whats on my mind soon.
random people visiting my blog,if you do not like what you see, then please leave.whats the use of sending me hate-mail?what are you trying to inflict?psychological warefare?on me.haha.NOT working.

tiddley doos.loves.nadira.

2006-01-19T16:26:00.000+08:00

my first complete attempt of doing a layout.haha.not perfect,i know,but i feel very accomplished right now, if you must know.haha.i took bits and bits of codes here and there.you know,half way of doing this layout i almost gave up. it takes alot of patience to dabble in html especially since if youre an amateur like me.i reckon saihah and jirah gave me alot of advice.thanks girls=).jirah,even though you hate explaining to me.hahaha.i love you. now it feels like me=).it feels like this really belongs to me=).haha.i feel good about it.am i the only one that feels like this after doing a template??haha.i love my template.oh wells.this is obviously overrated excitement.haha.

i'd prolly come back later and edit the picture below the blog header, laisser-faire. haha.but im really happy at how dis turns out.man.ooh,ive gotten a new tagboard too.so please tag people=).hahaha.and please tell me if the video code works?thank you.

-mumbles and walks into the wall,thinking happy thoughts.-

2006-01-19T11:26:00.000+08:00

i dont like what im sensing.im sensing competition.did i set it up to be that way?never.you choose to feel that way. or maybe a simpler word for simple people like you would be ''jealous''.i dont like it at all.before i move on to rant so much i should hold myself back.afterall, i dunt see why at 17 you cannot understand that we are all friends by nature.its just that we haf varying degrees of closeness and intimacy.so if you carn handle it.too bad.seriously. -grins loftily-.haha.

anyway,on a good chirpy note.im talking to xyz again.haha.i feel better now.if not,each tym shes online,i'll be like guilty and reminded of events that are too horrible to be mentioned.hmms.and for the record,our first convo (since we declare the end of all possible connections) was bitching abt a certain individual.haha,ok before i let myself indulge in more detailed discussion which is what im terribly fond of,i shall stop.things are definitely looking up for me.=).

anyways,i love jirah and saihah and rafiqqa.they are like the best man, when it comes to talking nonsense. winkx. i hope i really land in tp with them. hahaha.oh gosh.okayy.im off to send kidtoy to school now.and fetch ehksan back. and yes,im still going to fetch em back and forth even tho i still walk like the Hunchback of Notrrree Dahmm. sighs. at least the wound is covered up.and im taking painkillers for now.yadda yadda.i haf more things to say so i shall cont later.tatas=)

2006-01-18T15:48:00.000+08:00

my knee is really giving me a headache.its so gross and so disgusting i can hardly bring myself to look at it. it has dis pus that keeps coming out and i walk like the Hunchback of Notre Dame (pronouce in the famous England way, Notrrreee Dahmmm.)haha.its a perfect image of disturbance.argh.im wincing in pain now.well at least i muster up courage to actually shower and run the water on the wound.and ges wat??it will clear up in 2 weeks or so. 2 weeks??? ohmygod.and the scar.argh.i can officially give up all my skirts NOW.nevermind.if it doesnt clear up, i'll go to the doctor.my goodness.things i avoid eating will be eggs and prawns.anything to stop it from itching.i wonder if i should cover it with a plaster to prevent any bacterium from invading the bare skin?suggestions anyone?anyway, mr phagocytes that will engulf all possible bacterium and cover my wound,can you please get to work FAST? argh. im frustrated with the slow mechanism of clotting.okayy,maybe im being too paranoid.i shall stop this very instant. i shall look up on the net for food that will contain vitamin k and calcium so i can get more fibrinogen to clot my wound.hmms.

ps: stella im glad we came to a concensus, the next time i call the residence of mandarin gardens, there will be no more ''jane please.''

it will be,

''good morning/afternoon/evening, Princess Stella, this is Countess Nadira speaking, may i speak to Jane KUTU?
hahaha.stel,im very convinced youre an airhead=).nvm,i am too.-grins-

so we are even.hahaha.okayy.shall wash my wound AGAIN.
sighs.goodday to all!!loves.

2006-01-18T01:12:00.000+08:00

i have a few considerations for the courses i would like to enrol in poly.what is definite now is that im crashing temasek polytechnic.so i have quite made up my mind on that.courses which i am considering for now is,

1.School of Applied Science

-Diploma in CST and teaching.
the carreer options available for this is Homec Teacher ONLY.
hmm.i seem to have a problem with that.

-Biomedical Science
this one sounds doctor-ry.i can picture myself in a white coat alrdy!=)
career options include being a bio teacher and a sales and marketing executive.

2.School of Business

-Diploma in Accounting and Finance.
Bank officer yadda yadda.Personal Finance Consultant.
I can see it.ME in OCBC.=)

-Dip.in CMM.
oh my gosh.dis is the die-die so many people would want.
campus deejay.blablabla.exciting! Ahh.Broadcast Journalist.

These are my choices for now. Actually the rest of the courses are all equally exciting. but for career and stability sake,well,i figured these courses are most practical.Of course, i wouldnt mind going on tourism because i'll have the luxury of 2 campus.another in sentosa.Exciting.

im getting into another monotonous hassle of deciding about my future.
this is definitely a very OBVIOUS signal that im growing up abit more.

hope my results are okayy.i have my fingers crossed on this one.

anyway enough of all this hoo-haa abt futuristic endeavours.i rode the bicycle to send kidtoy to school. (okayy,now you bear in mind he is 40 kg.) so i couldnt balance and i lost balance and we fell simultaneously.and i scraped my knee so badly.the scrape is so bad.i even need painkillers to sort of ''kill'' the pain for some time. the best part of this accident is that kidtoy did not get hurt.and when i got back to tell my sob story abt falling off the bicycle, ges what ma and pa said? OH MY LORD.IS KIDTOY OKAYY??

...

Like HEY.im the one with the scraped knee here. I need IMMEDIATE medical attention. and you asked abt him instead.so not fair.ok,im sounding abit spoilt right now.i apologise.but the scrape is so bad.i do not know how am i going to shower later.sigh.i shall like bear the pain.or maybe take painkillers before bathing.so it wouldnt hurt so bad.sighs.this is the most significant event of the day=/.

tears will just roll off my cheeks involuntarily.
theres never a second im not thinkin' about you.

i remember all the intellectual conversations we often had, me and jane. and i guess i sort of missed that. shes where i rant bitch and gossip.and i am 100% assured,things i said are well kept in her head. sometimes i do not even need to tell her what i feel for somebody and she'd already know.such, is the connection i felt with her. i remember her telling me abt religious stuff and riots which i thought was really cool and very stimulating.i remember crying like a pathetic lamebrain when i got suspended and i thought she'd hate me for it and i thought,for sure i was going to lose her like i lost alot of my other friends, but she did not. she even payed me a visit when i was suspended. i remembered studying for prelims with her, how we would keep each other awake hourly. i remembered being so down and she sayd, ''dont cry.i'll help you with schoolwork.'' and she set out to prove it.no girl could ask for more in her friend.

we are so different by nature and people have often commented as to how come,we can somewhat share a common connection.and my answer to that would be? fate.almost every night im on the phone with her, talking about what not and sometimes just keeping quiet for awhile and do things that we needed to do and along the way talking. and i know,im not going to lose her anyhow or anyway.shes going to stick with me for life.de impression she has made on me,is impactable to my overall growth in secondary school times.

that laughter of hers is ringing in my head.its been 2 days and i miss her.so bad.knowing jane, she'd laugh this off and say, ''aww.so sad.'' -beams-thats my girl=).wherever you are now, whatever youre doing now, let it be known that im thinking of you.i love you.

nights and loves to all.
im going to sleep now feeling very very cosy after
reminiscing.sort of the ones that lull you to sleep.
sighs.sweet dreams.

2006-01-16T20:05:00.000+08:00

im not in the most terrific of moods today.in fact fairly impactful events plus the inevitable menstrual cycle is not making it any easier.i feel like a sordid piece of lean beef.pardon me for the inane choice of words today.while being grouchy and cranky most of the day today,i managed to ponder abt things which i never pondered over before or perhaps,put it in a more specific way,things which ive never bothered and simply carn be less careless of. i thought i knew everything at this very young age,but today i came to a rather enlightening conclusion that life is abt discovery,lost and recovery.i amaze myself sometimes by the analogies i make from everyday life experiences. even the concept of birth can be depicted in; discovery-meaning the delivery,lost-the death and recovery-moving on to the next generation.this is another vicious cycle that is unavoidable by any means just like we need the carbon and ecological cycle.

i realised that im looking at life now at a deeper perspective.its not always abt the things you do that matter.its abt the way you React and the way you Deal with it.I had a false impression when i was younger that if you do what youre told,you'd be fine and dandy.Now,at 17,i would say life is not monotonous.my feelings as a woman has began to thaw,ive experienced maybe a third of the hundreds of emotions.i have mixed feelings abt this.i wish i had a tool to stop it but i realise,if i did have the tool,im only restricting my capacity as a human.a well known philosopher once said that ''he who has no belief has no direction in life.''im thinking about it and yes,i agree with him.what is life without direction anyway?a useless lump of flesh living off others successes.

i came upon another analogy that proves to be a bit thought provoking.it states that we are like the dart,we have an aim,that is the middle of the dartboard, what makes us fail to make it to the centre is the element,in this case,the wind.the wibd will cause deviation for the dart to not make it on its concurrent aim.compare this to us,striving for the aim in life, the slightest element,be it distraction or whatsoever is enough to deviate us from our aim.

i admit,i let distraction and procrastination dwell in my life.i am still wondering when did i learn to procrastinate when i was really a hardworking person for the first 6 years of my tertiary education.the only reason i can think up now,even though its very childish and simply silly,is that somewhere along the way,part of my right brain numbed.
i do wonder if it has anything to do with the phase of growing up,you know the insecurities and acceptance issues. maybe it does but i still am determined to find the scientific logic of them all.

at this point of my life,im still asking questions finding the reason behind life.tonight,i shall detach myself from life and the world itself and try to view life from another creatures perspective.maybe then i would begin to understand it better.i've already known the usual bits,like hypocrissy and infinitism but i dont think its sufficient.well.

for now,nobody talks to me unless they haf something nice to say.and NOBODY.i meant NOBODY that is, will say it to my face that its NOT A BIG DEAL that she went.oh screw you faggots.anyway i will talk more later. im beggining to love blogging even more now.it lets me have quite stimulating and intellectual thought processes.

loves to all.nadira.

2006-01-15T23:54:00.000+08:00

shes still here=).

i just got back.im crying now. reality has hit me hard.i do not know if i can write a proper entry without being exaggerated or being too cliched.but i shall try. its just so hard.but anyway i shall list the events in chronology even tho i feel so tempted to just spill my feelings now. but i shall not be selfish.anyway i met mei at 9.45,went to macdonalds to buy fries and filled in a form at macdonalds for a job.den met the rest,melly dixie may yee elis val and jasmine who came later.janes mother and sister was there too.stella=) and that tiny green auntie=).so we chatted like absoulutely nothing is going to happen.like we still have alot of time.i was disturbed.i was disturbed up in my head as to why we are all not in the decorum expected.anyway i just joined in,being the usual comical me.for that whole 30 mins,i was drowned in conversation,i forgot about everything i was thinking about earlier in the bus. then daddy started to call franctically.so i had to say goodbye.gave jane a quick hug,tell her not to forget to email and tag regularly.hugged the small lovable auntie too and of course,stella!we haf dis ra-ra going abt her going on abt me and my ''jane please!'' whenever i call the residence.anyway i like stella,she has a good sense of humour.

in the car it hit me hard on the head.its like a sudden brick has fallen on my pea-sized brain.emotions were enveloping my brain very quickly and i slowly felt my defences crumbling away.snap.all the rubber bands in my tearbag goes.and i cried.the whole thing seems very surreal.i need to take a deep breath now.

there.the epiphany of truth was too much for this fragile heart to behold.shit.another fresh burst of tears.i should let it out.i need to get on.shit,i dont think dis is what jane would want me to do,cry like a spoilt child.

i still remember a few of our conversations.she sayd, when you haf problems,you DEAL with it. you dont sit around and cry because it wont go away.i know i need to be independent instead of dependent now.i'll give myself one night to cry my heart out and then,dats it.im back on track again.

do you noe what?i have this sudden inclination to do things and prove to myself that i can do it. i can. i have dis sudden motivation to do a whole lot of things.well i hope dis feeling last,i am still procrastinating away.

anyway,if jane decides to drop by here, im fine and okayy=).i just needed to get it off my chest.i love you,so dunt worry,im a different me the next time you see me so do email once in awhile ok. and DUH i'll update you on the happenings here=).im feeling wayy better now and happier.

chants in my head.

shes here in my head
shes here in my mind
shes here in my memories
shes here to stay with me
im going to be ok.
im going to be fine.

repeat.

yes im getting the hang of it.
just do not look back now.
the whole point is not to get affected.

i think im going to be fine afterall=).well.i love jane.
take care yahh.god bless you and you visitors out there.

what that doesnt kill you.makes you stronger.hearts.

2006-01-15T16:26:00.000+08:00

this blog is under construction.im trying to mess around with html codes to personalize dis skin.i used to be able to do html better.now after being cluttered with o levels material.i dunt even remember how to now.so im slowly trying to familiarise with it again.mas is busy passing me emoticons.haha.i do realise how much i missed mas. she and her special blend of sarcasm.haha.meanwhile i shall go ponder over more html. and yes probably go get ready to go to the airport=).cya all.

under construction.

2006-01-15T01:58:00.000+08:00

the feeling of euphoria doesnt seem to go away. you do not need good things to happen to you to feel happy. you just need to feel happy.not that im complaining, but when euphoria is at her climax,melancholia will then start. its always the same vicious cycle all over again.hmm.maybe i should enjoy it while it last.=)

Grandpa just called, and its 2 am. i do not know if there is such a thing called end-life crisis, but he definitely have something up his sleeve, calling up at unearthly hours and calling his favourite son, (my father that is) to random coffeeshops to have supper and the usual tete-a-tete. He is an intense man, my grandpa is, not wise, definitely, if you look at the number of spouses he has and the current one is not any better.not too much on my grandpa, but what is definite is that,my parents wont be back till later.good!

met kim a few days back with her kcdc shirt.the arrogant biatch.=)ahaha.actually im not in a rather favourable mood to update.hmm.we'll see how dis goes.had a rather fruitful conversation with simone.saya tayang awak. ahaha. about what not,and traumas.haha.well.

jane is going away in a day.somehow,its not knocked in my head yet,like reality has not strucked me yet. but i have dis feeling that i would not weep or anything. in fact, i bet im going to stay unaffected.

weeping is not a sign of the pureness and trueness of your friendship. if you believe in the friendship, there is no need for tears, because you know , no distance will be the formidable barrier and that you do not need to look far when you feel the world is crashing down on you because you know she'll be here.

in your memories.
in your heart.
in your mind.

and immediately,you would feel comforted, not pained even more as some others would put it.you can even ''hear'' her in your head and and if you have a super memory,perhaps you'd recall what she would say when youre in certain trouble.and then you'd chuckle to yourself and smile knowing youre not alone.=)

say im crazy,i do not care.im not going to be weeping like an idiot man.especially not in front of jane. PLEASE.
haha.i guess ive grown up for quite a bit.so to jane,

i hope you have a nice trip to aussie.
i hope you take very good care of your little self.

okayy what shit am i writing?
she can jolly well take care of her own self man.its ME thats the problem.haha.
anyway, the only thing i'd say now is,

drink lots of milk jane!=)
and dont forget to drop me mail alright.
and tag tag tag=).

i dunt have the slightest fear of it now.
shes going to stay here.

in my head.=).

lalalala.

nights ya all.
cya at the airport.

2006-01-12T14:14:00.000+08:00

it has been raining these few days.i dont know why people are grumbling over it.for me,i do remember trudging to school sweating profusely at this time of the year,my constant lerthagy in biology classes under the ever watchful eye of mr peh and the sun and of course the continuos blasting of my faithful sona fan in my face.so really, i dont know what are the others complaining about.maybe because activities that need the land to be rather dry to be carried out,cant be carried out?well,i do know that the people at NUS are grumbling for a fact that there has been a landslide in their campus.what struck to me as plain hilarious is they actually went a step forward and ask if their building is safe.typical singaporeans.

are our landslides ever deadly enough to actually cause an impactable destruction? nontheless,many they do have a bit of right to worry.but what abt the other singaporeans getting very alarmed at this tiny landslide?asking if there is any chance that their housing estate will be the victim of a landslide. we are really not taking any chances are we?nothing can be compared to the post-landslide area in indonesia. now that is sth to worry about.heard abt the death toll?now that is a big landslide.so singaporeans should actually learn to chill for abit,getting worried will only cause hypertension,that is one of the no 1 killer amongst adults nowadays.

actually we have other things to worry about.landslide is a potential killer.but we should be more concerned abt obesity,hypertension,diabetes,kidney failure and coronary heart disease.these problems accumulated the most number of death tolls compared to landslide over the past decade.besides,we can even die a sudden death from car accidents,inhaling carbon monoxide or maybe who knows,a falling window?so if we are destined to die,we will die. you cannot go against it.no wonder many singaporeans live longer and contribute to the ageing population.

anyway,tab tv that is broadcast every wednesday is such a controversial show.if you noticed,they actually surface topics that are controversial.the topics actually have alot of room for discussions to take place. so, we all go like, WOW,singapore is opening up to controversy in the media industry.think again.what do you actually discuss in 30 mins,commercials included? it just shows that,yes,we are surfacing a controversy but it is still on a hush-hush basis, you cannot discuss too much if not, (fill in the blank for whichever authority) will get to you shortly and give you a damn well good fine for it(singapore is abt money remember?).so seriouslie,we all get excited at the prospect of the discussion and examples that will somehow stir some unrest in our zombiefied thoughts (work eat sleep,replay), but the show is really a disappointment.like ive said countless times before,singapore has a long way to go in taming their controversy sector into something that the mass actually wants.for me, i like that kind of dirt, all this controversy,its bound to be healthy for all of our sordid minds, afterall nothing can intrigue our thoughts more than weird things people do.so i felt tab tv generally dont give enough justice to the topics surfaced.

anyway,im ranting on and on about all my unsatisfactories. so my sincere apologies.i understand there are limitations in life and a mindset that has been existing for over a decade(kiasuism) will need more than a slight nudge to budge from its origin.nonetheless hope my rants add some spice in your mudane life and get you thinking!

i played minesweeper with jane like 863506 times ytd.i still do not get it.nevermind, practice makes perfect. been so busy nowadays i haf no time for myself actually.oh yes,wont be sending jane off.something relatively important crop up. i guess i have to settle with the conventional way of saying goodbye,like, over the phone? yea. wish i could drop by tho but nahh dont think its posibble.possibly a 1/10 chances.anyway,i would still try.will post a dedication to jane soon.take care all.and dont grumble abt the rain already!=)

2006-01-10T23:37:00.000+08:00

back to give justification to the prev entry.anyway,like i said,i find that there is a lack of excitement and enthusiasm when it comes to hari raya haji.it comes once a year yet the appreciation is just not there?am i right to say that? anyways,as a young adult thriving in this ever human-desired globalisation,i cannot help but feel that someone must come to the rescue of this memorable date.den again,i still ask myself,how can i be in the state of merriment when its only a day? and how can i appreciate the grosteque sacrificial of the sheeps and the cows when all that goes thru my mind is that,such a painful way to die for these animals.

im forced to make a contradiction now.my heart warms at the thought of less privileged families who get this lump of meat.a feast for them actually,being happy and indulging in what they would think as a rare commodity.maybe im not really well informed on why we haf two hari rayas in the first place.im sure there are a lot out there who dont get it either.however,i do believe things are that way,for a reason,a good reason actually.though it might seem cruel, undesirable,or just plain folly,im sure in the end it benefits all,esp less privileged family.i hope we will all go thru a paradigm shift someday,so that the ol concept of hari raya haji being more impt that hari raya puasa is again established just like it should be.given the priority that it should be getting.

anyway,dis is the UNBFC photos.courtesy of Jirah.Yes jirah,im giving you credit now. so here it goes.=)

UNBFC 2002-2005

courtesy of jirah=).

2006-01-10T17:11:00.000+08:00

i have like 5 mins to blog.hmm.no privacy to actually blog properly.i feel invaded.haha.
anyway before i forgot,selamat hari raya haji to everyone ya.

parents mentioned quite sometime ago that hari raya haji is far more impt than the one month raya one.
seems that its kinda turned topsy turvy upside down.today,guess what we did?

went to bibiks house.see what i mean?

theres no real celebration watsoeva.

and by the way whats there to celebrate abt when loads and loads of cows and sheep are being slaughtered all over sg?hmm.i dunt noe.i shall come back to give this entry a justification.

for now,like i sayd.theres an invasion of privacy,the violation of completely normal human rights.

btw,dad doesnt noe wat blogging is.

2006-01-10T00:08:00.000+08:00

i viewed fizah's profile just now.saw this nice combination pic of UN and BFC.it just struck me that.
no matter how we dont like each other or carnt stand each other in the course of this memorable 4 long
years, i believe that deep in our hearts,we are all mutual friends.i admit,i dont click with fizah as easily
as some others do, but i know deep down she is a very nice person, in fact,shes very beautiful despite her
blobs2 that we always tease abt.haha.

it also make me come to a rather comforting realisation that friends are definitely for keeps.
distance might maim each one of us,we might all be out of reach,out of touch but deep inside
we are all one and we can seek solace in the thought that each of us are thinking of the other.

staring head to head with each of you guys in the picture.i immediately felt this sense of euphoria,
a feel of joy flourishing thru my head.im reminded by all the smiles that they actually brought me.
all the giler sewel and cacat moments together,can never be replaced.priceless.

due to the sudden inspiration and the sudden overwhelming sense of togetherness of the pic
that i saw on fizah's profile,this is the multiple entry of the day.

goodday to all.may friends keep your world shining=).

2006-01-09T21:01:00.000+08:00

the girls came over today.yay the bratzies.without wanyun larr.ahakz.so melly woke me up at 11 plus. she ponteng school sch with syy and wal.haha.den they came at 1.30 or so lahh..like immediately we played carrom.ahakz. funness..im proud to say melly moved on miraculously.ahakz.

melly the none
melly the something
melly the more

ahahaha.its so damnit funny.haha.den dixie sayd sth random. '' nad my mouth itchy'' haha.elehh dat hungry bull.
anyway ate mee and fried chicken wing..lalala.haha.den jane came at around 5 plus la.played carrom.

and jane displayed some interest at first.
quotes jane ''its not fun when youre losing''
ahahaha.den slowly her interest diminished.
and she used the shuddupla method to play.

totally violated the carrom game.den daddy sent them home.haha.so fun.

ok dats all folks.

ps:shimizu is mine!=)

* * * *
i carn belif its 7 days from now.
i so carn belif this.